Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

In A Perfect World…

Uh oh.

Leipold was pacing. When he spotted me looking at him, he just looked at me and shook his head in disgust.

Leipold has one of the highest payrolls in the NHL. He just spent $196 million on long-term contracts on two players. How will he respond if the Wild misses?

That's Michael Russo, lead digger for the Minnesota Wild. And that is poetry.

Oh, I know. The main thing is still the main thing: get in.

But man, man, man.  

Apparently, the fans along the prairie were none too happy with The Favorites getting plowed last night.  They booed and made angry faces.  That made Pinky upset.

The display I saw from Wild fans tonight was far more disgusting than the way the team played. Tonight is the first time I have ever been truly ashamed to be associated with this fan base.

 

Editor:Hockey Wilderness Now with more Twitterness: @BReynoldsMN
Master of unsustainable passive regression, sanctimonious back biter, unnecessarily verbose hubristic misanthrope, and the whiny idiot homer at that site you've never heard of but comment about all the time.
by BReynolds on Apr 26, 2013 | 9:48 PM reply

Unfortunate, how he feels, so close to the end of his sterling blogging career.  Long memories here, Richard.  Long memories.

Primis has been hitting this for a few days now and he's nailing it.  Walnut Grove missing the playoffs, the Ingalls sisters sad and weepy, questioning, Leipold angry beyond words...yes please.

Table that.  Push it aside for now.  Just get in.  Get in and the possibilities widen.  Get in and face Chicago and the odds are steep. We get that.  But I'll take steep over golf any day.  Get in and face Anaheim?

Interesting.

I can't even describe the situation I'll find myself in tonite.  I'll be at PETCO Park with a dozen 11 year old softball players. My DVR will be humming.  Your comments will hit my phone at lightning speed and I'll ignore every one. In fact, I may be device-less to avoid the temptation. I'll be avoiding eye contact with any stadium scoreboard in the event NHL scores show up anywhere (highly doubtful).

I'll get home around 9pm PST. By that time every one of you will know where we stand. In/out. Happy/sad. Laughing at Mary and Laura or resignedly admitting that asking Denver to do this was a fool's hope.  If wishes were horses, the Dive would still suck ass.  

And unless technology foils me and I find out all the news, I'll be watching hockey as you're hitting the racks.  By tomorrow morning we'll be even.  But any way you slice it: stress of the absolute highest order.

JFC. RSV.  LGRW. FML.  Nah, I dig my life. But this is going to be a crazy day for us all.  

You have to think the Wings are looking forward to this.  As much as we dread it, as much as we want to just start burning shit down?  They probably dig it.  I reallly Believe Babcock when he says this has been fun for him, watching the kids develop, mixing lineups, challenging himself.  

Well, if it's that much fun make it a blowout.  Have you considered how disgusting it would be if the Wings were down by 1 (or god, please god, no) 2 with 2 minutes left and everybody else is winning or has won?  I've never ingested bath salts before and I really don't even know what they look like (because of my gender), but that might be the time and place. By myself, in my Wing jersey and Underoos, alone in my living room at midnite, the DVR paused with the Wings down with like 100 seconds left and me wondering what to do with what I believe are bath salts but could actually be crumpled Saltines or something. 

I'm losing it. I know.

It's gonna be a rough day.  A. Rough. Fuching. Day.

But we'll laugh about it tomorrow, when the Wings are in.

And we'll really laugh, and I mean with bellies and snorts, if those two candy asses are planning a trip to Mankado for supplies with Albert and Pa...instead of gearing up for the playoffs as every pharmacist guaranteed us they would.

But...the main thing: do it boys. Just. Get. In. 

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Comments

 1 2 3 >       Next »

RorSchach's avatar

Morning MC.

This made my coffee even better.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 04/27/13 at 09:17 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

The NIght of The Living Dead
(this is likely to reappear several times today)

An Avalanche of Hungry Dead.  Mindless Predators walking under the Stars.
It will be an endless horror.
Now, in daylight while it’s safe, go out and stock up on sustenance, for as the sun begins to set, the horror of traditionally aimless, meaningless, zombie hockey franchises with nothing to play for will fill your living room.  it is The Night of The Living Dead.


Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 09:25 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Morning MC.

This made my coffee even better.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 04/27/13 at 09:17 AM ET

Drink up, brother.  And switch when you feel you have to. Noon is a relative term.

Strong work, RWB.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 04/27/13 at 09:30 AM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

I’ll be riding the cycle up to my pops cottage and will be taking in lots of Canadian Club while grilling dead cow and it will be a marvelous day. Ya know why? Because the Wings are gonna kick the Stars ass, that’s why. Out!

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 04/27/13 at 09:41 AM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

I feel your pain MC… my little dude play the 2 pool play games for this weekends ball tournament at 4 and 8pm.
2 points on the table left… grab’em.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/27/13 at 09:43 AM ET

igrover's avatar

I’m taking my 2 boys to the Wild-Dive’s game tonight ($5 tickets thanks Adrian Dater) and the boys will wave arms and dance all night for the Dives while I sit on my hands with a smirk on my face.  No way I can ever cheer for the Dives however with a beer or 2 I might actually let a weak sounding “yea” out. 

Now if you will excuse me I have to go throw up. sick

Posted by igrover on 04/27/13 at 09:51 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Trying to think pleasant thoughts while frittering away the daylight, sharpening my hedge trimmer for protection tonight.

I can’t get enough of this.  Mickey Lolich now #2.
http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=26612143&c_id=det

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 09:55 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Now if you will excuse me I have to go throw up.

Posted by igrover on 04/27/13 at 09:51 AM ET

Thanks for the reminder, I was thinking the Wild were at home, but they had to travel after their humiliating home loss last night.  So they are at the Ass Can tonight.  I need to post the schedule graphic again.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 09:57 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 10:01 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

I’ve cleared my schedule.  Sent the old lady to her mothers in Cleveland.  I’m ready.  2 points. 

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/27/13 at 10:11 AM ET

dougie's avatar

Beer?Jameson?‘Shine?

Decisions, decisions. Goddamn waking up at 3 AM worrying aboot a hockey game.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 10:14 AM ET

monkey's avatar

Leipold was pacing. When he spotted me looking at him, he just looked at me and shook his head in disgust.

Mike Ilitch he is not.

Have you considered how disgusting it would be if the Wings were down by 1 (or god, please god, no) 2 with 2 minutes left and everybody else is winning or has won?  I’ve never ingested bath salts before and I really don’t even know what they look like (because of my gender), but that might be the time and place. By myself, in my Wing jersey and Underoos, alone in my living room at midnite, the DVR paused with the Wings down with like 100 seconds left and me wondering what to do with what I believe are bath salts but could actually be crumpled Saltines or something.

Underoos and bath salts.  Holy god.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 04/27/13 at 10:14 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Underoos and bath salts.  Holy god.

I know, man.  I make no excuses.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 04/27/13 at 10:15 AM ET

NIVO's avatar

The dogs will be grilled, the onions dunked in a vat of hot oil, and endless ice cold bottles of Redd’s Apple Ale flowing. Gorgeous day forecast and its gonna end with Wings victory. July 4th aint got sh*t on us!

GAME ON!

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 04/27/13 at 10:20 AM ET

dougie's avatar

and the boys will wave arms and dance all night for the Dives

Do WHAT?? I would rather my stepsons be Pinky’s bottom bitch, than Dive fans.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 10:20 AM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Ya beat me by 1/2 hour Dougie… I rolled out ta bed at the crack of 3:30.
‘Cept I have a shotgun and am working on shooting something right in the face.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/27/13 at 10:25 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Rough day indeed, Chief.  I hate being this nervous, but I love that there’s still something to be nervous about.

Just get in.  Just get in.  Just get in. 

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/27/13 at 10:28 AM ET

John W.'s avatar

I just love the fact that it’s already blatantly clear that Parise and Suter chose the wrong team.  This is the weakest team the Wings have iced in 2 decades and they are still better than Minnesota WITH those 2 “superstars.”  If they had chose Detroit, we would probably be fighting for 4th place right now, but they decided they don’t really care about results as much as convenience.  So enjoy, I hear the Minnesota wilderness is lovely this time of year.

Posted by John W. from a bubble wrap cocoon on 04/27/13 at 10:29 AM ET

monkey's avatar

I know, man.  I make no excuses.

Nor should you.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 04/27/13 at 10:34 AM ET

peiz11's avatar

It’s kind of like destiny as we hit 60 for the fist time since October here in Minneapolis, the snow is melting, and the golf courses are open for Mr. Parise and co to complete their collapse and go hit the links.

Could be worse chief, my brother is hopping on a Disney cruise with his fam this afternoon so he’s completely screwed. He is NOT happy.

Posted by peiz11 from Minneapolis on 04/27/13 at 10:42 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Can I just hang out here, staring at my computer screen, with you guys all day?  I sincerely cannot get myself to do anything but think about tonight…

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/27/13 at 10:45 AM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Beer?Jameson?‘Shine?

Decisions, decisions.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 10:14 AM ET

I don’t understand your problem, dougie. The answer is obviously all three.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/27/13 at 10:55 AM ET

monkey's avatar

Hot dogs, polish sausage, mustard, rum.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 04/27/13 at 10:58 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Hot dogs, polish sausage, mustard, rum.

Posted by monkey from Fear and Loathing on 04/27/13 at 10:58 AM ET

That is damn inspirational.  I should do yard work on this gorgeous spring day instead of killing time and zombies until the Tigers play, and regardless whether they are finished, turning to the Wings at the traditional 6 pm Central start time.  Gary. Ass.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 11:06 AM ET

dougie's avatar

  Beer?Jameson?‘Shine?

  Decisions, decisions.

  Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 10:14 AM ET

I don’t understand your problem, dougie. The answer is obviously all three.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/27/13 at 10:55 AM ET

Sorry I wasn’t more clear. The answer IS obviously all three, but the order of consumption could be crucial by the end of the game.

I don’t wanna be posting videos demonstrating proper corn cob ass wiping technique.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 11:06 AM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Word is Mason is in against the Columbus Bobrovsky’s, and the Sisters are playing the Dive.  So there’s no gifts awaiting us to end the pucker.  Nothing to it but to put Dallas down like every good zombie deserves, and then ride off into the Anaheim sunset.

Drink em if ya got em.  And if ya dont got em, go get em.

You’re gonna need em.

Posted by Hootinani on 04/27/13 at 11:24 AM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Sorry I wasn’t more clear. The answer IS obviously all three, but the order of consumption could be crucial by the end of the game.

I don’t wanna be posting videos demonstrating proper corn cob ass wiping technique.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 11:06 AM ET

Save the shine till later, just in case you need to blind yourself in a quick and efficient manner.

Posted by Hootinani on 04/27/13 at 11:26 AM ET

Avatar

You know you can leave the kids behind and find a sports bar in the Gaslamp district right? I mean, they’re like 11. They’ll be fine.

Posted by CJBear71 on 04/27/13 at 11:27 AM ET

dougie's avatar

I wish Turco was back in goal tonight.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 11:43 AM ET

Rumbear's avatar

I crawl outta bed and stumble over to the computer….ahhh, my morning cuppa in my Red Wings mug. Time to log in to check out the GDT. Before I can even get a “Thanks Okie” typed I notice the lights are on in the Hasek. I crack the door and…..Holy hell! the 19 are up early and swinging for the fence!

Not that at I was up at 2:00 AM staring at the Peloton of Suck and making complicated calculations without any numbers.  Oh no, not me….sleeping in my Red Wings cap. No way the dog is wearing her Wings collar. Red Wings logo magnet on the car?... nah. No ansgt here…..at all.

Then….

Underoos and bath salts.  Holy god.
Posted by monkey from Fear and Loathing on 04/27/13 at 10:14 AM ET

Monkey is shocked and I ...am speechless.

I rolled out ta bed at the crack of 3:30.
‘Cept I have a shotgun and am working on shooting something right in the face.
Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/27/13 at 10:25 AM ET

Why do I think that message got an alert at Homeland Security?

and so it begin a long day.  Time for a second cuppa, yannow, rum is not so bad with Kona coffee…...

LGRW !!!!!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, for the 23rd postseason.... on 04/27/13 at 11:47 AM ET

Primis's avatar

Bath salts, Chief?

I thought the protocol around here in those instances was bleach?  Bleach: rubs out the toughest stains from your memory.


Like I said before, it’s not just a Wings fans thing.  Fans of 28 other teams should also be rooting like crazy for MIN’s season to be *over* for Suter and Parise and for a long lottery offseason of misery for them.  That sh*t is everything that is wrong with the UFA process these days.  Winning?  Pfft, we’ll just go where our wives tell us to.  Must be some boss mall up there to make THAT a destination for anything, ever…

Hot dogs, polish sausage, mustard, rum.

Posted by monkey from Fear and Loathing on 04/27/13 at 10:58 AM ET

Gyros, polish sausage, and Little Caesar’s sounds like a freaking good and proper Detroit choice (maybe some coneys too).  I did two of those last night, and the pizza wasn’t one of them.  Maybe I should partake again?

Posted by Primis on 04/27/13 at 11:55 AM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Word is Mason is in against the Columbus Bobrovsky’s

Looks like Trotz isn’t doing anyone any favors – including his own team. But if that makes Weber’s life even a tiny bit more miserable for a few hours, I guess I’m okay with it.

Sorry I wasn’t more clear. The answer IS obviously all three, but the order of consumption could be crucial by the end of the game.

I think you misunderstood me, dougie. There is no “order of consumption.” I meant all three at the same time. smile

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/27/13 at 12:05 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Word is Mason is in against the Columbus Bobrovsky’s

Looks like Trotz isn’t doing anyone any favors – including his own team. But if that makes Weber’s life even a tiny bit more miserable for a few hours, I guess I’m okay with it.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/27/13 at 12:05 PM ET

Huh, wonder what Rinne thinks of all that?  One game, no biggie.  Two in a row for no real reason?...

Posted by Primis on 04/27/13 at 12:09 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

Word is Mason is in against the Columbus Bobrovsky’s

Looks like Trotz isn’t doing anyone any favors – including his own team. But if that makes Weber’s life even a tiny bit more miserable for a few hours, I guess I’m okay with it.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/27/13 at 12:05 PM ET

Huh, wonder what Rinne thinks of all that?  One game, no biggie.  Two in a row for no real reason?...

Posted by Primis on 04/27/13 at 12:09 PM ET

gotta tank the last few to help the lottery percentage apparently.

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 04/27/13 at 12:20 PM ET

dougie's avatar

I think you misunderstood me, dougie. There is no “order of consumption.” I meant all three at the same time. smile

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/27/13 at 12:05 PM ET

Oh, the old ‘shine and Jameson Boilermaker,eh? Best left to the frat boys, but if we are trailing in the third period, there is no telling what I might be willing to drink.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 12:34 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I’ll not be in the LB tonight, 19.  I’ll be in the casino waving a fake or expired sports ticket at a gorgeous cocktail waitress with a hip shimmy that’ll pop a wood in my pants and drinking all the free Guinness I know I can handle while cheering on the Wings in the most raucous manner allowed by the laws of Nature and Helm.  Holy Gord,, I want this game.

Own it, Wings.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 04/27/13 at 12:37 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

I can’t get enough of this.  Mickey Lolich now #2.

” ... swing ‘n a miss!, he struck him out ... seventeen punch outs tonight for Anibal Sanchez! ... a franchise record for the Tigers in a nine inning game.”

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 09:55 AM ET

awesome good stuff

L.G. Deeeeeeeeeeee

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/27/13 at 12:47 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

... waking up at 3 AM worrying aboot a hockey game.

Posted by dougie on 04/27/13 at 10:14 AM ET

you too?

gulp

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/27/13 at 12:48 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Can I just hang out here, staring at my computer screen, with you guys all day?  I sincerely cannot get myself to do anything but think about tonight…

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/27/13 at 10:45 AM ET

you too?

gulp

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/27/13 at 12:51 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

I should do yard work on this gorgeous spring day instead of killing time and zombies until the Tigers play, and regardless whether they are finished, turning to the Wings at the traditional 6 pm Central start time.  Gary. Ass.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/27/13 at 11:06 AM ET

you too?

gulp

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/27/13 at 12:52 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com