A brutal little note from Gordon McIntyre in The Province today:

The last time Kyle Wellwood scored, George W. Bush still had a couple of weeks left as president.

Ouch. What in sweet jezebel’s name is going on with the guy?

I’ve spent a lot of this season defending Wellwood (as I have a long line of brutally maligned Canucks players in the past… Cloutier, Sopel, and so on) and to be fair, he’s rewarded me at times for my devotion. For instance, after a rough start laden with poor conditioning and worse insults hurled his way, the downtrodden center came back from the brink with some solid—and even a few excellent—performances in the early part of the year. I was so pleased and proud. (And smug… I was really smug about this for a while.)

But these days… geezus. What’s a girl to do? Kyle Wellwood is tearing me apart… and God only knows the pain his mother feels.

I’m not saying Wellwood isn’t trying; I’m sure he’s virtually tearing his hair out with angst these days. Last night in Los Angeles had maybe half a dozen examples of holy-hell-frustration for both him and fans, as he whipped around the ice regularly misplacing passes and missing the net. It’s nearly comedy of errors lately, watching his bad luck from one disastrous shift to the next.

Alas.

According to the Vancouver Sun, 13 players have their mothers on this trip. In addition to Wellwood’s, there’s Willie Mitchell’s, Kevin Bieksa’s, Ryan Kesler’s, Alex Burrows’s, Rob Davison’s, Taylor Pyatt’s, Ryan Johnson’s, Mason Raymond’s, Steve Bernier’s, Jason LaBarbera’s, Darcy Hordichuk’s and Shane O’Brien’s.

What fun that must be. Can you imagine the pride of Kevin Bieksa’s mother last night, her boy getting a ‘star’ in the game? Or how about Taylor Pyatt’s, as her son pocketed the team’s second goal in the third period? And then there’s Alex Burrows’s mom, who must have to pinch herself daily for everything her son does so well on the ice these days.

But then there’s poor Ms. (Mrs.?) Wellwood. I’m sure she’s a dedicated and proud mother, strong and resilient about the ups and downs of her son’s career. But surely there’s a breaking point! Surely, the time will come where she can’t take the pain anymore.

So I’m begging you, Kyle Wellwood, on behalf of your mother (not to mention my own desperation to be smug again on your behalf): find your mojo! Quit practicing complicated passes, shots and maneuvers and get back to basics. Things like ‘aim, connect & fire’ should be the sole focus of your life now. Rent a really big net—a soccer net, if you must—and fire at will, I say. Get your confidence back. Your mother needs you!

And on a personal note, I really can’t watch any more of this train wreck you’re on. Dude, you gotta figure this out.