Here on Vancouver Island, we have serious concerns unlike anywhere else in North America. Sure, you all worry about the economy, your homes and children, your education and the environment. And we worry about those things too. They’re important things.
But c’mon. Such trivial issues simply pale in comparison to the impending doom that seems destined for the world’s largest hockey stick—a 61,000 lb, 205 foot structure which happens to prop itself up not far from my own front door. My stick is facing some tough times.
And who, you ask, is the enemy in this melodrama? Well, Minnesota, of course. The enemy of hockey fans everywhere, really. Heck, the enemy of democracy itself, for all I know, as they are in fact threatening the very fabric and identity of this community.
Venturing to read the local news today, the front page of the paper featured this apocalyptic headline for my consideration: “YOUR STICK NEEDS YOU.” Here’s the story from the online edition of the paper:
Community time, money and talent is being recruited by a team of officials aiming to repair Cowichan Arena’s giant hockey stick by October when the Olympic torch comes through town.
While the 205-foot wooden stick can be repaired to fix surface rot and possible bug damage, the puck — also gained after Expo 86 — must be replaced.
“It’s too far gone,” said Island Savings Centre’s operations manager Brad Coleman
Apparently (and I’m being quite serious) nobody actually noticed that the puck was “too far gone” until someone got up on a ladder recently to change a lightbulb and happened to notice it.
Anyway, the Threat of Minnesota—largely a threat contained to the insidious influence of Jacques Lemaire boring me to death—is the next concern. Consider this quote in the article:
“The tragedy, should anything happen to cause it to be taken down, is that the world’s largest recognition would go to a little Minnesota town with a 70-foot stick.”
Tragedy. Tragedy!
This valley spent (again, not even kidding here) 20 years trying to get this stick and puck recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records, something that wasn’t formally achieved till last summer. And I’m telling ya… my neighbours will endure no less than outright war making sure that honor doesn’t disappear.
So chip in where you can, fair friends. People all across the world that want to prevent Minnesota from wreaking more havoc on the hockey-loving universe, send your money, send paint…
And send a really big puck.
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