Canucks and Beyond

Canucks Humor -- Accidental & Intended

05/20/2008 at 2:27pm EDT

For the accidental kind, a rumor from the well-reasoned minds at HockeyBuzz.com who apparently have this notion about Jaromir Jagr for next season:

“...if Jagr is remaining in North America a few other teams including LA, Edmonton and Vancouver are rumoured to have interest as well.”

Nice, huh? That’s almost enough to incite a Mark Messier flashback and drop an innocent Canucks’ fan into the fetal position.

For a much more accurate (and awesome) assessment of how to improve the Canucks this summer, the Bleacher Report’s ‘Elbow Murderpants’ has a prescription for the future titled, “Vancouver Canucks: Their First Steps to Greatness!”

These are things the Canucks MUST do to even think about future success:

  • Give up hope that Tony Tanti will somehow return to the line-up.
  • Make a concerted effort to find NHL caliber players.
  • Make an even bigger effort to find players that realize there is no invisible force-field at the opponent’s blue-line.
  • Explain to the team that the Goaltender is the “LAST” line of defense, not the “ONLY” line of defense.
  • Begin realization that although it’s quite polite to offer the better player in the draft to the teams behind you, it’s not necessarily the best thing for your franchise.
  • Embrace the concept that you should always trade for a GOOD player.
  • Be suspicious! If another team offers you one of their players for any Canuck (Except for Luongo) then it’s a good sign there’s something wrong with the player they are offering. Check for terminal cancer.
  • Understand the word “TEAM” means you have to have more than one decent player.
  • Take into account that if the puck goes in the net, it’s possible that 5 other players on the ice at the time may bear some responsibility.
  • Throw away the team model that states every player on your team should remind you of Thomas Gradin.
  • There’s no point protecting a player as a future prospect if they… how shall I put this? ...Ah, STINK?

It’s all about baby steps, Vancouver. Start with these and you may have a chance… in about 26 years.

Intended humor, yet that list almost isn’t funny… far too much truth there.

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