Stop what you’re doing. Seriously. Stop. Carve out an hour. I know it’s only 1100 but I give you permission. Crack one. Sit down. Relax. Gather the family. Snipe Snipe, Dangle Dangle has an August gift for you. The Top Ten Wing You Tube Must-Sees.

8. Brendan Shanahan’s Empty Net Goal to Ice the ’02 Championship
This is quite possibly the most excited I’ve ever been about an empty net goal. In theory, it doesn’t sound very thrilling. “Oh, he scored? But there was no goalie? Isn’t that nice.” But this was the goal that put a seal on the dynasty and ensured that the ’02 team’s destiny was fulfilled. Plus, like in the first video, the post-goal celebration is classic. I really can’t remember what I was doing when this goal was scored, but you can be pretty sure that it involved screaming and jumping. And possibly crying. I’ll never know for sure.

I remember what I was doing. At sea, the satellite went out with 6 minutes left in the third period. Not good. What is good? SS/DD’s list. Bookmark that bitch and don’t just glance over that post. There are gems embedded all over the frigging place.

Animal Drew is one of the new-age Wing bloggers. An Original 19 member, and we’re going to have to count how many blogs are now run and operated by the 19. That, in itself, is frigging awesome. Anyway, Drew’s a show-off bitch who posts like every day. Thursday he topped off an awesome list of Wing draft successes with what could go down as the greatest draft-day steal in NHL history.

How many seventh rounders have gone on to become captains of their team? When Zetterberg takes the reins away from the Perfect Human, it will be a historic moment.

Look four years down the line and name me your C and A’s. Ok. I’ll be your huckleberry.

C: Zetterberg
A: Datsyuk
A: Helm

Oh, and while we’re at it? I’m betting we see Dan Cleary with an A this season.

Oh, and while we’re still at it? This guy’s still a dick. Pro blogger, eh?

I used to speak Spanish. Back in college, a very brief stint I might add, I spoke it a bit and passed with a C. But I think that’s because I got wasted with my “professor” on a semi-regular basis. Now? I don’t hablo except for a wee bit when necissito. That’s unfortunatado because I have a feeling the stuff at Red Wings Brasil is quality. They’re doing something over there now with Leino, Ericsson, Williams and Lidstrom jerseys. I have no frigging clue what they’re saying but it looks cool.

Me baseio numa entrevista concedida em 2003 ao falecido blog Behind the Jersey. Williams falou sobre como é ser um Wing (a resposta básica, “trabalho fazendo o que gosto”) e quais eram seus objetivos para a temporada. Nenhum objetivo foi alcançado. A Stanley Cup não ficou em Detroit ao fim da temporada, e Jason não conseguiu se tornar um melhor jogador dentro e fora do gelo, como queria.

Hold on. I’m gonna translate that bitch. I know I can do it.

“Hola mothefuc**ers. Jason Williams is back and he’ll be wearing number 29 which is great because that’s, roughly, the same amount of times the 19 at A2Y will attempt to set themselves on fire the first time he takes the point on the power play. The beeyotch is back in Hockeytown. Scapegoat city sister.”

All accurate. I checked.

Finally, an old standby. Showoff Malik has reaction to the rumor we posted yesterday about Jimmy D allegedly telling a Toronto radio station that Todd Bertuzzi is all but guaranteed a contract with The Best Team In Hockey. George points out that if this move has you on the verge of finger painting your kitchen with bodily fluids, you might want to call the majority of male Pens fans who claim to be interior decorators, because it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility.

Malik cites Devellano’s tendency to run off at the mouth and let some state secrets slip, often deliberately. He also references earlier mentions of a Bertuzzi return and a few other factors that might make you sick if this idea has you on the verge of a boycott (ahem…we’ll see about that).

Snapshots

Here’s the short story: Heads up. This probably isn’t true, but if it is, both the “usual suspect” status of its source and the paper/quote trail give it some, “Well, ain’t impossible” credence.

Enjoy your Sunday. As we may have mentioned earlier, Tuesday is a big day. An important day for fans around the league as we all pause and recognize the fact that it’s just one of 43 (right Helmer?) until Lord Stanley ends an awkward stay in a city that has no idea what to do while he’s visiting.