Five straight wins would indicate February was just a horrible clown chasing you through the darkened hallways of Saginaw’s Hemmeter Elementary school while your coach tells you to get in the game but you can’t find your helmet and the boat you’re driving is going over a waterfall in slow motion type of nightmare. Hence…Cinco.

The division’s locked up for the seventh straight season and nobody cares because it’s been a foregone conclusion since Bubba let all their players go so that management could save money and spend it on cool stuff like neon painted 99 car placemats you only pull out when the family’s coming over which is every day because everyone’s kin in Tennessee. Hence…Central.

Another 100 point season for the most obvious dynasty in pro sports, the 8th consecutive year the Wings have reached that mark. No team since Bowman’s boys in the 70’s has been that consistent. Hence…Century. Oh, and that’s seventeen straight years reaching the playoffs. A nifty number immortalized by Doug Brown and timeless rock legend Kip Winger.

And it was Ladies Night at the Joe. To honor such a momentous evening, A2Y reader TeamDub wore his pink form-fitting Manny Legace jersey to the game and Dallas Coach Dave Tippett burst into tears in the post-game presser.

Khan(!)

“I’m sick of it,” Tippett said. “When you watch (Henrik) Zetterberg and Datsyuk dominate the game, it’s frustrating. Obviously, these guys (Wings) set the bar for the Western Conference. We better raise our bar or we’re in trouble.”

Raise it, head to it, put a dollar on it, close it. Whatever.

Ok. Alright. Easy Stars fans. I don’t have confirmation that Tippett was literally crying when he said that. But I know for sure that Dave at Gorilla Crouch wanted me to link to him today. Why do I know that? Because I have ESP and I can shoot mind bullets (Tenacious D reference). Also, because he dropped a couple of my favorites in his post-game manifriggingfesto.

Barry “the Mullet” Melrose once had a nice backhanded compliment for Datsyuk when he commented on a Datsyukian deke that “that’s just not right - that Marty Turco’s not chopped liver.” Well if Turco’s not chopped liver, what does that make Pavs? A motherfu$#ing magician, bitch.

Exactly. And Turco is chopped liver when he’s at the Joe. He’s fetal and he’s rocking, thumb sucking, humming along with Bon Jovi’s angst-ridden rock ballad “Living On A Prayer”, played via cassette at the Joe when the audio guy feels like introducing some new tunes to the faithful. It’s not just the Wings that have Turco’s number. It’s Datsyuk specifically. We joke that Turco soils himself every time 13 gains the zone, but that may not be too far from the truth. Datsyuk’s been playing great hockey, but never better than last night.

He toyed with Dallas last night. He was everywhere, stealing pucks and turning them into goals from forty feet. Dishing, spinning, stopping on dimes. All that Datsyuk stuff. He’s a lock for the Selke. And that had better damn well happen or there’s going to be an A2Y tantrum the likes of which you haven’t seen since Andy Bernard returned from anger management class only to punch a hole in the Dunder Mifflin bulkhead.

Windsor Star

Datsyuk, who has seven goals and 11 points in eight games, pounced in quick and brutal fashion stripping Joel Lundqvist of the puck and immediately firing a slap shot through goalie Marty Turco’s legs.

“Last game I had 10 shots,” said Datsyuk, who let fly five more times Thursday.

“I never shoot 10 shot in my life. I want to keep it regular.

“It’s my first score on a slap shot. I’m happy.”

Turco, who has never won in nine career starts at Joe Louis Arena, must have sensed the demons were dancing again.

Dammit. Great line. Dave Waddel, ladies and gentlemen, of the Windsor Star. The “demons were dancing again.” Love that line. You’ll be seeing it again.

I’ve been out of the loop the last couple days and a few things have transpired that deserve my commentary. Charlie Buckets: five years for just under fifteen million. First 3.5 of those years as part of a no-trade clause. Interesting little ditty there at the end, eh? I wonder how many other players have no-movement clauses that expire just before a future season’s trade deadline. I don’t bring that up as a slight to Cleary, just an interesting clause in the deal. Hometown discount from the hometown hero. Had Buckets gone UFA somebody would have ponied up some outrageous cash. Four million/year would not have been out of the question.

But Buckets stayed because he’s a loyal kid who understands the opportunity Wonka gave him. It’s a great story you’ve read all over the place.

Darren McCarty’s out at least another week with rib cartilage issues. It’s getting harder and harder to imagine him finding a spot in the lineup for the playoffs. Do I think he’d bring more value to the team than Downey during the postseason? Yes. And if he gets five games in, maybe Babcock uses him. Every day that passes, though, those chances grow slimmer.

And I’ll tell you this, if they brought him back with any intent of increasing fan interest in Detroit..he’d better get back soon. Obviously, because I’d already had my pedicure, I wasn’t downtown last night for “Ladies Night at the Joe!”, so I can only say this based on my HD experience…but that place looked and sounded empty for a game that should have had the barn rockin’.

The Czech Miracle of Insanity’s got a backache. Look, psycho, we need you for about thirty five more games. Maybe forty. Do what you have to do. Rest up. Forty more games than you can retire in peace with another Cup. Kenny can bring up Howard for a season, sign Ryan Miller next summer and the wheels on the Wing bus will just keep going round and round and round.

Much more to discuss. Much, much more. Franzen, Filppula, Happy Happy Hudler: all playing well. Brilliantly, in the Mule’s case. Draper’s groin is a concern. Helm’s first game, a little speedball. Pick your sixth defenseman. Pick him because I have no idea. Would like to see more of Meech, and less of Lebda. I’m just sayin’. Lilja’s got the flu? Really?

All items that deserve our attention as A2Y prepares for the stretch run.