I would laugh at this lovely article from the Onion a little bit more if I didn't think that Chairman Mao had some catching up to do with his buddy and constant lockout companion Jeremy Jacobs.

Just in case you aren't familiar with the Onion, what follows is ficticious and a farce and/or satire:

[SATIRE]

With the Stanley Cup finals quickly approaching, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman told reporters Monday that he’s starting to wonder if he actually has to attend every single game of the championship series. “There’s no way people are seriously expecting me to go to all of these games, right? That would be ridiculous,” said Bettman, adding that he “[has] better things to do” than sit through up to seven hockey matchups from beginning to end. “I definitely have to show up for Game 1—that’s a given—but after that I figure I can just go to the later games where one of the teams has a chance to clinch it. And I’ll probably arrive in the second or third period for those. Really, I’m not about to spend any more time with this than I have to.” Bettman added that he had already watched a total of five hockey games this season, “which [was] more than enough.”

[/END SATIRE]