Via George, and from NHL.com...

The Detroit Red Wings know if they win their three remaining regular-season games, they will qualify for the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the 25th straight time.

Yeah. That shit is just simply not going to happen. Two major reasons: our lives are never that easy and the Wings aren't good enough to do that. Hopefully, it's irrelevant. I think the Wings win tonite and tomorrow and then winning three means nothing to nobody.

But, and I think this is right, just a win tomorrow and nothing else matters.

But if they do win tonite, and lose tomorrow, do they have to win on Saturday?

What if they lose tonite, lose tomorrow, is Saturday a must-win with help?

Under what circumstances can the Wings win no remaining regular season games and STILL get in?

Somebody needs to answer all these questions because I'm not a damn pharmacist.

This is disgusting. I hate the playoffs.

Oh and I'll bet I'm going to be the cheeriest cheerer cheering for my daughter's softball game that starts 30 minutes after the Wings in the history of cheering tonight. DVR. Avoid all media. Don't think about it. Be a dad. Don't throw a tantrum. Drive safely. Hide the pets. Fast forward through the NBC BS. Vomit. Don't scream when the Wings score because the dog, a new one, a rescue who's scared of his own damn shadow, won't stay hidden and freaks out when I raise my voice. If the Wings fall behind, watch at normal speed. If the Wings get down by 2, fast forward until they're back within 1. Fast forward through penalty kills because they're too stressful. Pause for beers. Frequently.

I'm a mess.

LGRW. Live blog later. I've got it, Kate.

Update: Sven22 has done a masterful job of letting us know how the Wings get in under a horrifying number of circumstances.

But, and I think this is right, just a win tomorrow and nothing else matters.
Correct, as long as the win is in regulation. Beat Boston in 60 and it doesn’t matter what else happens. Beat Boston in somewhere between 60 and 65 and the magic number is 1 point. Beat Boston in the skills comp and the magic number is 2 points.

But if they do win tonite, and lose tomorrow, do they have to win on Saturday?
Depends. Technically the Wings could win tonight, lose tomorrow, and win Saturday and STILL miss the playoffs if (A) the loss to Boston is in regulation, (B) at least one of their wins requires a shootout, (C) Boston wins out while at least tying Detroit in ROW, and (D) Philly earns at least 5 of 8 possible points.

What if they lose tonite, lose tomorrow, is Saturday a must-win with help?
If those two losses are in regulation, they could still make the playoffs in some scenarios but they would need 2 points against NYR plus a crapton of help. If they beat NYR in regulation or OT, they’d either need Boston to lose their last game in regulation or Philly to lose all their remaining games in regulation. If beating NYR requires the skills comp, they could not overtake Boston and would need Philly to lose out in regulation.

Under what circumstances can the Wings win no remaining regular season games and STILL get in?
If the Wings manage to pick up loser points in at least 2 of those games, they could still sneak in if things break right. The most likely scenario would be a SO loss to Boston (which denies them an ROW) plus Boston losing its last game in regulation.