Someone’s going to. If not McCarty, then Drake. If not Drake, then Downey. If not Downey, then it will probably be me. Sooner or later, it’s gonna be go time for me and Tootoo. We’re on a collision course, he and I.
No. Not really. I’m kidding. I don’t actually expect to fight Jordin Tootoo. Who do I think I am, an Ottawa beat writer?
But if it does go down, I’ve already decided where. A carnival, both of us wearing those puffy ninja suits.
You know, my life will go on if I don’t get to fight Jordin Tootoo. I’m trying to think of the positive effect it would have on my family, my community. Oh, the immediate benefit would be there. Everyone would be excited and happy that I beat up Jordin Tootoo. But a few hours later? It really wouldn’t matter.
Would I relish the memory of giving Jordin Tootoo a beatdown, while wearing puffy ninja suits at a carnival? Of course. But, it would be a personal thing. The feat itself really wouldn’t do much for the neighborhood, the community, the other carnival-goers. Not in the long run.
So, I’m not really planning on it. I mean, if Jordin Tootoo snears at me at the carnival, I might snear back, or stare him down like guys do. But, unless he puts the ninja suit on—the puffy one—first? I’ll probably just let it go, because there will be other issues to deal with that day…like winning the game where you squirt streams of water at the targets that send the horses down the track. Winning’s the thing. Now, if beating up Jordin Tootoo could possibly affect the outcome of the squirt gun horsey game? Yes, I’d put the puffy suit on first and I’d challenge Jordin Tootoo right then and there.
But I can’t figure out a way the two complement each other.
Kicking Jordin Tootoo’s ass in front of the entire carnival, a crowd that comes close to 20,000 most days? That would get me some slaps on the back from the guys, but really…he’s kind of a sideshow. The big issue is the squirt gun race, not the puffy ninja suit fight. If my friends were younger, or if they lacked confidence and needed some sort of boost before we started the squirt gun horsey relay? The fight might do the trick.
But this isn’t my friends’ first carnival. Most of them consider Tootoo something of a fruitfly, a minor irritant.
Nothing’s set in stone. I’m pretty sure we’re going to win the squirt gun relay. But if we fall behind, I might let Jordin Tootoo goad me into one of those puffy ninja suits. And if that happens, we’re gonna go. But right now? Not quite necessary.
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