The Wings have lost horrendously to the two worst teams in hockey. Consecutive waterboardings. Disgusting.

So, tonite, against the team I believe to be the best in the Western Conference?

Tick Tock and Uncle Mike are starting a rookie because our other rookie (McCollum..is he even technically a rookie?) literally "terrifies" the organ-I-zation, and James Tiberius Howard is exhausted.

Our blue line is decimated and our third line can't score. The fourth line has been instructed to let themselves get hit like Rudy Frigging Stein. Do not shoot. Do not swing. Do not make any offensive gestures. Engelbert's on deck and he's been killing the ball lately.