Oh, they’re going absolutely frigging nuts in Montreal, aren’t they? Couple of Russians in a French speaking city need a little help scoring some tail, so they turn to a strap hanger who’s only too happy to help. That, to me, is the brief summary. Other seedy details are sure to follow (Hell’s Angels in Montreal? Seriously? Those bastards have some reach don’t they?), and we’ll most likely ignore them all. Mirtle’s your best bet if you want to stay tuned in to this one. But today? I’m betting a bunch of stuff is blown way the hell out of proportion.

Back to Sweden. Yes, the Wings will be opening up in Stockholm. Yes, the Poultry blew chunks after they went overseas to begin their pathetic attempt at a title defense. Yes, Gary’s Baby Boy has a built-in excuse (at least one that isn’t genetic) for his team sucking ass all year. Yes, the travel is a bitch and it’s going to be nutso over there with half the team playing in front of family. Yes, we’ll stress a bit about it, but only because that’s what we do.

But let me give you a late-breaker. A trip to Sweden in October is not going to affect jack squat as far as the Wings are concerned. Unless you choose to view it as a positive, as I do. Teams without leadership (Anaheim, Pittsburgh) faltered when they went far from home, and they’ve used their respective trips as BS excuses ever since. Shut up.

The Wings? They most definitely could have avoided this trip. But they’re going, and not to “grow the game” in Europe, which is a stupid pipe dream when Little Gary can’t even “grow the game” in at least ten cities where teams are already faltering right here at home.

Nope. The Wings are going because they see it as the right thing to do for a lot of guys who have done a hell of a lot for us—the fans—and the organ-I-zation. Lidstrom, Zetterberg, Kronwall and the rest deserve this trip, so the Wings are giving it to them. And that will only serve as another reminder to every player in the league that Detroit does it right.

Now, as for Gary? He does it wrong. Really wrong. Wings in Sweden? No brainer. Their opponents? Christ. Why not send the Bay City Central team? They’ve got as much international recognition as the Bitter Bitch Brittle Bozo Blues. Here’s what we said when this rumor first surfaced a few months ago, and we’re standing by it today:

15 Dec 2008

Let me ask a question. You’re considering a couple teams to showcase in Europe. Sweden, even. Wings? Yes sir. Makes sense. Even those of us who feel the organ-I-zation is getting bent over by opening there? We understand that for ratings’ sake, etc, etc….Detroit has to be considered?

But the Blues? Really?

Just the idea is so stupid that it’s maddening. Is Tkachuk still going to be on the team? Kariya? Legace? Will they win 20 games this year? Gary? Why are you considering one of the worst teams in the league to take to Europe? Gary?

If the Wings are going to play there—and I believe they should—let ‘em have San Jose. Let the Wings have Montreal or Toronto, an O-6 revival. Let the Wings have the Caps. Aha..how about that? Let Europe see Ovechkin AND the Swedish Wings. Too. Much. Sense.

Nope. You go Gary. Give ‘em the Blues.

Jesus.

Exactly.

Quite a few of you bitches are hitting the Joe tonite, most likely wasted by the time you arrive…which is something we all endorse. Every one of you face a hazard though. If the Wings lose, you’re all Game Wreckers. Every one of you. And you also have a challenge in front of you. We want a sign, one that is A2Y specific. Any of the glossary terms can be used, in addition to any phrase considered to be one born here in the cradle of juveniliciousness.

Use some crayon. Put it to cardboard. Take a picture and send it to me, hopefully during the game so we can go all real-time Jack Bauer and post it in the Live Blog.

While you’re there, take note of whether Budd Lynch is anywhere to be heard. We haven’t touched on it here too much but it seems he’s been absent from the Joe more often than not this year. Joe Hass at Winging it in Motown discussed it earlier this week.

Budd Lynch is as much the voice of this franchise as any in its history (I’ll take him over Bruce Martyn, even though Martyn was the radio voice far longer). I don’t quite know why the change has occurred (it’d be an interesting question to pose to PR staff). Perhaps the Ilitches have a fear (going back to having to fix the Ernie Harwell Tigers fiasco from 1991) that if they outright replace Budd something bad will happen.

I’d be satisfied if Lynch would handle the game announcements and John Fossen (the other guy) did the promotional announcements. But the bottom line is this: when you have a classic voice, you hold onto it as long as you can. The Wings do. Let’s see if they want to.

Hass also does a good job drawing the comparison between Lynch’s understated, professional demeanor and that of the clown at the Palace, John Mason. I shouldn’t talk because I haven’t watched a minute of Pistons basketball (or any of the NBA) in more than three years. But, since we’re on the subject, you could use those two as a pretty good metaphor in describing the difference between hockey and basketball fans, the sports, and the two Detroit teams we’re discussing. One is professional, consistent and an icon. The other is obnoxious, self-promoting and losing relevancy.

Back to Sweden for a minute and the unique perspective of the girls at Hockeytown Static.

Can you imagine the borking that will ensue?

No idea. But I’ll google it later and let you guys know what I find out. What “borking” is, that is. I mean, I can guess. But I guess I’ll need to be sure if those extra seats are gonna be filled in Stockholm.

Which extras? The 19 of course.

Battle of California hasn’t been updated yet with Sleek’s preview of tonite’s game in Hockeytown. But I’m sure it will be soon, which means he’ll be visiting A2Y as he does every day the Wings lay wood to the one-trick-pony Poultry. Welcome, as always, Earl.

Speaking of the ninth-seeded Ducks, I liked this little ditty from Helene Elliot (thanks to Okie for the pointer).

The Ducks’ locker room was somber and nearly deserted.

“You can forget what the plan was back in September,” Scott Niedermayer said. “We just have to deal with what’s in front of us.”

That was following their loss to LA earlier this week. Man, Scotty. I’ll bet you’re just pleased as punch you decided to come back (again) this year. Come to think of it, I’m betting you’re looking back at last year around this time and wondering whether this whole year hasn’t been one big waste of frigging time. Captain, my ass.

Looking for a good Don Cherry reference, one that can really sum up how we all feel about him and his anti-Wing biases? I know you are. Well, I take you back to the Triple Deke...a place that is rapidly becoming my favorite stop every morning.

Whenever Huds takes shit from opposing players, it seems like somebody is always right there to back him up. Remember Lilja/Phaneuf last year? Don Cherry can choke on elk cock ... this team might not fight all the time, but they rarely have to. For whatever reason—maybe because the Wings are so loaded that other teams have to play responsibly first and agitate later—other teams don’t run at our players like you assume they would against a perceived “soft Euro” team. The Wins do a good job of picking their spots, however. As soon as Jiri got a face wash into the boards, you knew there would be some retribution. You just didn’t think it would be Marian Hossa.

There is gold in that there paragraph. Pure gold.

Those of you heading to the game? Be careful tonite kids. Check in with us and watch out for the bunnies.