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What’s Up In Flames Country?
Yeehaw, and Howdy Partner! Thankfully those euphemisms are gone for another 11 and a half months from the Calgary vocabulary. Of course I refer to the Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth, The Calgary Stampede which has recently concluded. Thankfully J-Feast didn’t field any calls for his prized D-Man Jay Bouwmeester…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 07/26/12 | Comments 0

Flames Sign Studs…Yet Haters Hate.
Jay Feaster and his team of clandestine wiseguys have pulled off a couple major acquisitions in the past week. Dennis Wideman came aboard before the draft for a 5th rounder and a spare part (they needed a roster spot.) He was compensated with a $26M/ 5 year deal. I’m thinking…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 07/05/12 | Comments 18

Flaming Draft; Day 1
Dearest Flames Brethren, Please be kind to the Flames management with regards to tonight’s draft. They are the experts. (Tongue in cheek? Nah, they’re solid.)
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 06/23/12 | Comments 1

Flames Update…Ready to Be Inspired?
The month of cleansing the mind of the Flames 2011-12 demise is coming to a close. Copious amounts of malt liquor and other fermented elixirs have passes into the gullets of the faithful, yet incensed fans. There have been some notible changes thus far in our increasingly elongated post seasons…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 05/03/12 | Comments 0

Nothing Nice to Say. Effing Flames.
As my aged and wise mother once coined “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all! Well all ye Flames brethren have plenty to say, but very little that can be construed as nice. The 2-4-4 string of turds the crimson brothers have put…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 04/05/12 | Comments 3

Circling the Drain-Flames Style!
As time marches on, your Flaming C organization continues to hang on to delusions of grandeur and the possibility of playoff time. The 4 straight losses clearly show the non-medically placate that they are not that good right now. As deep as they are with Iggy, Tangs, Gio and Kipper,.........(Jokinen…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 03/24/12 | Comments 2

Standard Flames Abortion
Rick Santorum hates abortion and birth control. The Calgary Flames don’t like to take the easy gal home from the sock hop. Where these 2 entities parallel is that they both are in bitter fight for survival and they both need major successes to improve their chances at making it…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 03/20/12 | Comments 2

Svensational Flames?
The injury bug has given rise to a pleasant little Flames footnote. Not only are the local yokels right in the playoff melange, they are showcasing their 2012 prodigal son Sven Baertschi. The Swiss stud has 3 snipes in his 4 games including a beauty 17 seconds into tonight’s 4-1…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 03/16/12 | Comments 0

Sven Baertschi to Zee Rescue?
The desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy- Guy Fawkes, 1605. Please be careful when attributing this quote as some may say you have a potty mouth. The Flaming C have recalled the exciting Sven Baertschi from Portland on an emergency basis. Tim Jackman is the most recent fallen warrior as…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 03/08/12 | Comments 0

Flaming into the Abyss?
Congratulations to Jarome Iginla on his 13th season of 25 goals or better. Even better is the fact that he has achieved that in consecutive seasons on a team that many may deem subpar.  This season’s version of the Calgary Flames leave us questioning many aspects of their game. The…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 03/06/12 | Comments 0

Flame out at Trade Day?
Yes indeed, the highlight of the Flames day today was the deal made between Craig Conroy and J-Feast. There were rumors of Conny dangling Oreo cookies for Jay’s prized homemade pasta salad. Thanks Fake Jay Feaster for the chuckle. Today our henchmen in crimson were rewarded for their fine collapses…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 02/27/12 | Comments 1

Chopper Gets High Praise
The Flames Family is an elite group. From Eric Vail to Kent Nilsson, Lanny McDonald alongside Al MacInnis, to Theo Fleury and Jarome Iginla. The years roll by like a fat kid crushing a cartwheel. #2 is getting a pseudo-jersey-retirement February 27 as they raise his number in the new…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 02/16/12 | Comments 4

Flaming Leapfrog
The Flaming C of Love is riding the wave of success to the cusp, once again, of playoff relevance. Recent disciplined victories over Chicago and San Jose have put them in an agreeable position. Jarome is afire and Miikka has been pre-Roman Turek-extension magnificent. The victory in San Jose at…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 02/09/12 | Comments 0

Second-Half Hope?
As Jarome single-handedly won the All-Star Game with his 3 pivotal assists, let’s hope this can translate into a strong finish to the 2011-12 season for his cohorts. Calgary’s sole rep for the Shinny 2012 Gala was Mr. Iginla. I had pegged roughly half the squad to be All-Star worthy…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 02/03/12 | Comments 0

Men On A Mission
As my Fantasy Teams continue to flourish, I have to admit that I perpetuate parity by allowing others to load up on Calgary Flames. As the mirth of their depth is exemplified by their handling of injuries, one soldier goes down, another returns. Scoreface Glencross is now out for 6…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 01/22/12 | Comments 0

Making it Right, Jay-Feast Style.
Let’s start with a Peter Maher-style “Yah Baby!” Jarome snipes #500 during the post-Beantown abortion against the Wild. They punish Marty Brodeur and the Devils Tuesday 6-3 and win their 7th in a row at home. Thursday night, in the midst of their 1-0 OT winner versus Anaheim, we hear…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 01/13/12 | Comments 1

Sweet Road Trip
Well wasn’t that just a culmination of hockey greatness? 4 games, 1 point. The Good Ship Feaster has sent out the S.O.S. to the Coast Guard ‘cause it’s taking on water, and fast. But then again, the great fans of Calgary will simply wait for the reinforcements and get back…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 01/07/12 | Comments 0

Four in a Row for Flames, then the Isle.
Xmas 2011 has come and gone. Special wishes go out to the Grammar Police and Hater Nation. It’s hard to remain perfect but somehow you’ve done it! What’s really festive is the Flames 4 game winning streak. Minny, Detroit, Vancouver and Columbus were left in the wake of the indomitable…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 12/30/11 | Comments 1

Red Storm Rising?
Younger, faster, stronger; the mantra of the new look Flames. It’s that time of year when Sutter’s studs make their move to prominence. Fortunately they are in the hunt at this point in the season. After suffering through a 4 game losing streak, (2 rouge points) the C of Flame…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 12/23/11 | Comments 2

Flicker the Flaming Horse
As the Flames march down the trail of indifference, it’s nice to know they have the ability to be “in” every game. The Flames showed a little spunk tonight with a come from behind 5-4 overtime loss against the very pedestrian T.B. Lightning. The effort included Jarome’s 496th career snipe…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 12/16/11 | Comments 0

March of the Flameguins?
If anything can reverse the ailing media of erectdile dysfunction, it’s the sale of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Here’s how I would handle such a big sports story- Leafs sold to Bell-Rogers. Expect same on-ice product. In other news, the Flames of Calgary are dominating out west. It must be…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 12/09/11 | Comments 0

Tumultuous Times in Feaster Land
The weary soldiers of Sutterville have been riding high as of late (5 of 6 points) but even evil bloggers and media have been creating deals and upheavals to no end. While the despondent disciples of Darryl (no longer) were on the cusp of a 3 game win streak, they…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 12/03/11 | Comments 0

The Flames of Death?
The much anticipated All Things Flaming C is back and filled with positive energy. First of all, I’m positive that Blake -Don’t call me Perry- Comeau is NOT going to take the Calgary Flames to the upper echelon of the NHL. This 6’1” 205 lb Saskatchewan product has been given…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 11/26/11 | Comments 1

Roller Coaster Aflame?
The greatest fans in the league, the C of Red, were treated to a spectacle of beauty versus the 2010 Stanley Cup Champs, the Hawks of Black. One can almost guarentee they will come out with their oars dragging, slowing down the Good Ship Saddledome their next time out. Is…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 11/20/11 | Comments 1

Feaster’s Morphing Flames
Not-so-long ago, Jay Feaster was the interim GM of the Calgary Flames, Generally one assumes anyone in an interim position is kinda like the substitute teacher that wants all the students to love him. You know the one that plays Heads Up 7-Up,  mixes in a game of floor hockey…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 11/16/11 | Comments 4

Flames Make Moves!! Is Jarome on the Block?
Attention Flames Fans-the hysteria that is roster management peaked today with a pair of personnel moves. In the wake of another ebb of the Flames 2011-12 season, GM J-Feast has summoned last preseason’s heart’s desire-TJ Brodie. Exciting times. This came as the result of Anton Babchuk’s Injury Reserve delegation. His…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 11/10/11 | Comments 1

Flames Of Confusion
As I have been sequestered in beautiful Swift Current, Saskatchewan for the week in an attempt to save their Western Hockey League franchise, I struggled to find one of their computers available to update the masses. But alas, I asked a local yokel to point me in the direction of…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 11/04/11 | Comments 2

Flaming Masterpiece?
Night Watch by Rembrandt, Hare by Albrecht Durer, The Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci and Crash The Net by Brent Sutter. Most these works of art have had international acclaim and been successful over time. Last night the C of Flame celebrated Miikka Kiprusoff’s 35th birthday with a crucial…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 10/27/11 | Comments 0

WoeFul Flames
It’s always darkest before the dawn, said a famous scribe. Well the Flaming C are in the midst of an important 6 game homestand and they are running around with flashlights on their spelunker helmets. Saturday afternoon featured a rare 2:00 MST start against the Nashville Predators and they came…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 10/23/11 | Comments 0

Flames Promote Bullying?
Just when you start to think the Flames aren’t going to be rewarded for their domination, the tide turns and the C of Love get the much needed 2 points. While I should acknowledge the fellas squandered a 2-0 lead over the Toronto Maple Leafs of Toronto on Saturday and…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 10/19/11 | Comments 4

Flamme Superiorite
After Calgary’s thorough thrashing of the les habitants last evening, I weighed the options of perhaps accommodating our francais amis with a Flaming C edition du French. While I can’t risk the chance of losing any more readers, I wisely chose against it. Coupling that with little to no French…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 10/14/11 | Comments 1

Flaming Fantastic Start….
One can surmise that league parity is in full swing. The Calgary Flames have finished in second place for both of their matches to start the 2011-2012 season. While we all know how deep and talented this year’s edition is, the Flaming C have struggled in achieving 60 minutes of…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 10/11/11 | Comments 0

Flames Fantasy Picks 2011-2012
Well its that time of year folks…fantasy hockey pools are drafting as we speak. While I needn’t tell you the virtues of Stamkos, Ovechkin, and Jagr, lets help you Flame fans analyze the strengths of your team of destiny. While stats and past performance may show some merit, hunches and…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 10/06/11 | Comments 1

Flaming Optimism
Dear Lanny MacDonald Bobble Head Seekers: The Great J-Feast has been molding his squad of veterans and future veterans into something beautiful.
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 09/29/11 | Comments 1

Flames Cut 19!
Dearest Non-Oiler Fans: Your Flaming C brass had to make some tough decisions Wednesday that resulted in 19 players being reassigned to Junior, or to Abbotsford.
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 09/22/11 | Comments 2

Future Flaming C Stallions?
Dearest Flames Fans: Its time to discuss the state of the future of your Flaming Horses, via a prospect analysis. Their time may be coming to don C of Flame, hopefully sooner than later.
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 09/19/11 | Comments 0

Flames Fans Fantastic! Oiler’s Fans? Not So Much
I was really hoping to wait and save this mind dump for a more opportune time. That time being after the 1st game of the year and the steaming pile of Oil is doing their best to secure the 2012 1st overall selection. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 09/15/11 | Comments 5

Flames Fans Fantastic! Oiler’s Fans? Not So Much…
I was really hoping to wait and save this mind dump for a more opportune time. That time being after the 1st game of the year and the steaming pile of Oil is doing their best to secure the 2012 1st overall selection. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 09/15/11 | Comments 47

Adios Lanks.We Loved your Interviews!
As the Flambe embark upon another heated training camp, GM Feaster has once again shown he may be the Alex Anthopoulos of the NHL. He has traded a soon to be 35 year old curmudgeon with a $4.5M cap hit for a 29 year old $1.9 M with his best…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 08/30/11 | Comments 4

Loob Lovers United
It’s time to catch up on the comings and goings of your beloved checking line prospects for the Flaming C. While the lineups stay as consistent as the weather on the prairies, we will delve into a few of the star-powered 4th liners donning the Alta flag and on the…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 08/15/11 | Comments 5

Admirers of Anton Babchuk
It’s time to analyze the flurry of activity within the ranks of your beloved Flaming C. Clay Wilson, Derek Smith, Chris Butler, Guillaume “Le Marshmallow” Desbiens, and Pierre-Luc “Don’t call me Mary Kay” Letourneau-Leblond are all household names within their respective communities. These players signed as FA’s or were acquired…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 07/27/11 | Comments 3

Flames Blog Episode #1
This should be fun… Our new Calgary Flames blogger at Kukla’s Korner. -Paul Dear Flaming C Elite: Welcome to All Things Flaming C! This may be the greatest thing to grace your eyeballs since Jarome Iginla’s movie star smile. Let me introduce myself. My name is Scooter. I have merit…
Posted by Scooter Kelly on 07/24/11 | Comments 11