The boys at Facewash provide an Ode to the Coach Some highlights:

-Coach should have at least 19 coffee cups strewn across his desk, all with varying levels of liquid.
-Coach should have to replace the strap for his whistle at least once during the season because he keeps ripping it from his neck.
-Coach should NEVER have naturally colored hair. It should be either grey and falling out, or shoe polish black…and falling out.
-Coach should smoke at least a pack a day. He HAS TO because your stupid ass can’t backcheck!
-Coach should know the names of all the bartenders near the rink, so that when they call to tell him “you know who just showed up” he can then locate the bar, go to the bar, down the player’s whiskey, then haul him by the collar back to the rink where he will take shots at the kid.

Here are some more flashbacks to your former—or current—hockey coaches.