Gotta love the satirists… from The Brushback (via Sports Illustrated), here’s NBA Commissioner David Stern’s considered response to Chris Simon’s hit last week: he promptly suspended NBA player Stephen Jackson.

Stern defended himself today by saying he was merely “sending a message.”

“We have to send a strong message to our players that behavior such as this will not be tolerated,” said Stern. “Whether or not Stephen was actually involved in the incident is not important. The important thing is something bad happened somewhere, and we don’t want it to reflect negatively on the NBA. It’s a shame, too, because the vast majority of our players are law-abiding citizens, not thugs. But Stephen Jackson is a thug, and he’s probably hit several people with sticks in his life, so it’s not like he didn’t have this coming.”

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