Canucks and Beyond

Life Lessons from Leafs Nation, Plus Darren McCarty Wants to Autograph Your Phone Book

07/25/2008 at 5:03pm EDT

Mike Ulmer of is using his column this week to—theoretically—write about the wedding of coach Ron Wilson’s daughter. But Ulmer has been inspired by the wedding in unexpected ways. He’s explored everything from the joy of weddings (breakneck conga lines! and “bridesmaids, draped in exotic, impermeable fabrics”!) to the strange value differences between Canadians and Americans.

And on that topic, here’s some of what he’s come up with:

Americans like to call each other “Baby” when they’re in love. “That’s the thing about Americans. Not the only thing, just one thing.” (Yes. There are other things.)

Americans have ‘zero gravity lawn chairs’ and are adept at building tiny “invigorating” springs into your shoes. (Wow. So futuristic down there…!)

Americans allow you to use paper towels in public washrooms. Canadians, apparently, force you to use electric hand dryers.

The paper towel talk segues into mention of men meeting in public washrooms in Atlanta and talking about electric hand dryers… (I’m a bit vague on the details; read it yourself). But all things considered, that might be the most entertaining thing I’ve read on the Leafs website all year.

In other strange news, Darren McCarty is available to autograph your phone book this afternoon. Seriously.

AT&T announced yesterday that in honor of the Red Wings Cup victory this year, the team will be featured on the cover of the Yellow Pages Business directory. The books are being delivered state-wide next week.

Exciting stuff—after all, who wouldn’t be excited at the prospect of Darren McCarty’s face on 2.5 million books? Not that he’ll actually be on the cover, mind you, but he’s front and center for the first promotion.

The announcement was accompanied by the promotion that McCarty will be available tonight to sign autographs and “celebrate” those phone book covers.

Darren McCarty will be signing autographs from 4-6 p.m. To receive an autograph, guests must have a wristband, which can be picked up at the Hockeytown Café merchandise stand beginning on Friday, July 25 at 11 a.m. Limited number of wristbands available on first come, first served basis.

People are always making cracks about Detroit being dangerous, dark and seedy. Bah.

“Dangerous” sounds pretty exciting compared to the thought of hundreds of people lined up to get Darren freakin’ McCarty to sign their Yellow Pages on a Friday night.

You sure know how to party, Detroit! ;)

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