Canucks and Beyond

If I Was a Hockey Player...

02/01/2007 at 5:14am EST
What kind of hockey player would I be? I've been neglecting Reality Check's dare and I don't know why. I think I'd probably be one kick-ass hockey player/character/sideshow. Sort of a Matt Cooke-meets-Scarlett Johansson-meets-Alexander Ovechkin kinda deal.So I'd be annoying, hot and a superstar. Who could resist? No one.Details, as requested:
imageTeam: Vancouver Canucks or Montreal Canadiens Uniform Number: 17 Position: RW, plus LW & C in a pinch. Maybe goalie, too, but only if the rest of the bench has dropped dead. Nickname: Lannie. Dream Linemates: Derek Boogaard (LW) and Jordin Tootoo (RW) – that way they’d draw all the attention while I scored at will. Rounding out the PP: Whatever. PP is for freaks that can’t score without cheating. Job: Scoring. Pissing off guys named Avery. Signature Move: Making Dominik Hasek cry. Even when we're not playing his cult team. Strengths: Hard work, No breaks. Weaknesses: Actual Hockey "Skills" Injury Issues: Back problems. Equipment: No armor. All old-school, baby. Nemesis: Nik Lidstrom (nice guy? bah. it’s all an act.) Guys whose names start with “F-O-R-S-B…” Scandal Involvement: Greg Millen, a bucket of pucks and a hose.. Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: New York Rangers. Against Messier. Time-travel 1994. What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Steal it, pretend to lose it, clone it, pretend to find it, return the clone, keep the original. Would the media love me or hate me: They’d love me. I’d end up knee deep in the best damn gambling story they’d ever covered.
I'd tag someone else with this but I've done evil to too many people in my life already. But if you want to take this challenge yourself, go to it!

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