Team: Vancouver Canucks or Montreal Canadiens Uniform Number: 17 Position: RW, plus LW & C in a pinch. Maybe goalie, too, but only if the rest of the bench has dropped dead. Nickname: Lannie. Dream Linemates: Derek Boogaard (LW) and Jordin Tootoo (RW) – that way they’d draw all the attention while I scored at will. Rounding out the PP: Whatever. PP is for freaks that can’t score without cheating. Job: Scoring. Pissing off guys named Avery. Signature Move: Making Dominik Hasek cry. Even when we're not playing his cult team. Strengths: Hard work, No breaks. Weaknesses: Actual Hockey "Skills" Injury Issues: Back problems. Equipment: No armor. All old-school, baby. Nemesis: Nik Lidstrom (nice guy? bah. it’s all an act.) Guys whose names start with “F-O-R-S-B…” Scandal Involvement: Greg Millen, a bucket of pucks and a hose.. Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: New York Rangers. Against Messier. Time-travel 1994. What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Steal it, pretend to lose it, clone it, pretend to find it, return the clone, keep the original. Would the media love me or hate me: They’d love me. I’d end up knee deep in the best damn gambling story they’d ever covered.