Canucks and Beyond

Hockey Kitsch

12/17/2007 at 3:09pm EST

Like nearly everyone else lately, I’ve had the urge to window shop around the internet for hockey-related gift ideas one might stumble across.

I started out by thinking about what we, as fans, could give our favorite teams this year. But nothing they need is all that easy to find (*or Vancouver would have picked up a couple of scoring forwards by now); and besides, they can afford their own presents. (I did manage to find a nice personal gift for Kirk Maltby however, which I’ll share later.)

Meanwhile, I wandered through some major retailers to find some unique hockey items for fans.* (Of course “unique” generally just means odd.)


My first stop was the ESPN Shop and unless they were selling John Buccigross live action figures, I wasn’t expecting much by way of legit NHL shopping. But as it turns out, I was wrong—though I can’t decide if this is humorous, or just really cool: they’ve got some Minnesota North Stars gear.

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Unusual. And nice to be reminded of an era when I didn’t hate the hockey teams of Minnesota…

Circuit City—has all the typical game console NHL games, (snoooooore…) but they also have something a bit unique: the 2005 Joe Thornton cover, Boston Bruins Backyard Hockey.

Just like Joe never left Beantown. And I like cartoon Joe on the box… the realism is sublime.

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(*another fine alternative—Buy.com has the Nick Lidstrom version of Backyard hockey. Again, super realistic Lidstrom as Child Star cartoon imagery.)


Sears—Surprisingly has some decent t-shirts, but I’m not sure what the hell carpet skates are all about.

Are kids really this desperate not to play outdoors?

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Amazon.com—typically thought of as just a book and game store—still holds some surprises. This hockey travel jewelery box, for instance, might be perfect for the special woman in your life. (Or even Sean Avery. The man wears nail polish, after all; gem-encrusted jewelery boxes can’t be far behind.)

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(And courtesy of SNL last Christmas, everyone knows that junk needs a box…)

And speaking of boxes…


Uncommon Goods—Topping my list for overpriced insanity is this “recycled goods” gift—a box made using the remnants of old hockey sticks. Which seems like a slightly cool idea until you start to wonder about two things: (1) why is there an old faucet attached to it? and (2) who thinks is $230 a sane price for this?

Someone does, apparently; the item is currently sold out.

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Back to Amazon.com, they also had the best coffee mug logo I saw, by far. Plus NHL jerseys for dogs. (You can’t go wrong with that.) And finally, a hockey sculpture for holding a wine bottle.

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Dick’s Sporting Goods—with a $799 indoor hockey game, I was preparing to make a few cheap jokes about it, till I remembered that $800 is about what it costs for 4 club seat tickets to a Canucks game. This thing might actually save someone some cash.

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Fatheads has finally created a Roberto Luongo Fathead. A guaranteed bestseller.

Giant Roberto. Always watching. Scary Roberto.

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RBK has a substantial hockey store, under “Pro Leagues.” And I think the Colorado Avalanche Newborn Kit makes a perfect gift for the Avs fan in your life. (No newborn required.)

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Finally, as promised, I think it would be nice if someone bought this for Kirk Maltby. I feel certain it would bring out his eyes…

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As for me, I think I just want this thing. Hockey crappola is fun, but a life without vacuuming might just be a religious experience.

Plus it would seriously freak out my dog, and I’m easily entertained.

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*a number of these links are affilliate links, but a bunch are just regular ones.

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