For a fair-and-balanced view on The Team That Even God Must Hate, I decided to get the perspective of a couple of friends: DC, who educates the patriotic souls of America as to why they shouldn’t believe anything they see in the media; and Greg, whose day job it is to corrupt those same patriots by way of his own profession.
But each shares one embarrassing reality—they both seem comfortable believing that Avalanche fandom is not a mistake of nature, but actually some kind of positive aspect of their personalities.
So we did a fast Q & A before game time:
What’s your favorite thing about watching the Avs play the Canucks?
DC: That we still get to play exhibition games during the regular season. Greg: Seeing the Avalanche goaltenders get a well-deserved rest.
Alanah’s response: Whatever. No matter how badly things are going, how many Canucks players end up auditioning for “M.A.S.H.—The NHL Edition”, they can still always beat a NW Division team; 5-0 this year, it’s as reliable as the sunrise.
What persuaded you to become the fan of a team so widely (and legitimately) hated by so many?
DC: I was walking in the mountains, and a flaming avalanche spoke to me. I knew it was the voice of God. Greg: Who hates the Avs? Sure, Detroit fans, but they live out their empty, shattered lives in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, so their perspective is a bit skewed. Canucks fans purport to hate the Avalanche, but they seem to suffer from a bit of Stockholm Syndrome (dreams of Joe Sakic playing for Vancouver, drafting loads of Colorado players for their fantasy teams). Anyway, I became an Avalanche fan because Colorado is my home state, it was great to have a home team for the first time since I was eight years old, and because everyone who has ever played for the Avalanche is a total class act.
Random observation: There’s clearly a need for nationalized medicine in America when it’s this obvious that mental health facilities are so few and far between in the state of Colorado…
What is your prediction about the outcome of the game tonight?
DC: Ryan Smyth will make the Swedish Twins make out, and Stastny will stitch his initials in Robbie’s chest Greg: 5-3 Avalanche. I’ve mocked the Canucks’ offense so they’ll undoubtedly score a bit tonight (superstar free agent acquisition Byron Ritchie scores two for Van), but Roberto Luongo is so busy wishing that he was a member of the cool team that he forgets to stop pucks. After the game, the Canucks sign Lubomir Vaic to fill the scoring void.
Rational viewpoint: The only way the Canucks winning this game will feel better later tonight, would be if Patrick Roy returned to the Avs and did his Statue of Liberty move, on an own-goal scored into his own net by Paul freakin’ Stastny. But I’m not greedy—simply kicking the team’s ass in general will be fine.
Meanwhile, J.J. informed me earlier (“informed” being another word for “bragged in my face”) that he’s attending the game tonight. Unfortunately this may spell dire trouble for Canucks fans, as I tried to explain to him earlier today:
Me: YOU should not be allowed to attend this game. Don’t we lose EVERY TIME you go this year? J.J.: The fact that I didn’t go to the one home game the Canucks won was total fluke. And really, it’s not like they win even when I’m not there.
And finally, “Best Wishes” from Kukla today, who sent the video below with the comment, “Early Luongo footage. It’s pretty good…”
Avs fans AND Wings fans, all being their snotty selves. But on the bright side, maybe it’ll all be combined into one great evening of “Screw you all.”