Cake #1

I’ll start you off gently with this nice, respectable effort. Something the Food Network guys are probably going to try and emulate. [source]

Cake #2

Not bad, though that silver icing looks like something you might break your teeth on. But I suppose Benoit Hogue and a bunch of Texans slicing into a giant cake while standing in a parking lot in January really don’t care all that much. Who needs teeth? [source]

Cake #3

Ever since I found this cake photo, I haven’t been able to eat. I even gagged a little. In fact, this cake might be the ultimate secret weapon for weight loss. [source]

Cake #4

This one is pretty awesome. Even for non-Wings fans, since we can have the pleasure of slicing off its head, or adding thousands of candles and setting it on fire. Destruction of this cake is really key to my appreciation of it.

And for Wings fans? Well, they probably think it’s cute, so everyone’s happy. [source]

Cake #5

The Food Network is looking to make a cake for a couple who met at a Caps game, right? Well, look no further—Don Beaupre is the man. (And besides, teasing Caps fans with an homage to the Stanley Cup would’ve just been cruel.) [source]

Cake #6

A classic cake. Perfectly respectable yet still a little boring. It’s the Sidney Crosby of hockey cakes. [source]

Cake #7

Man, I love this cake. Look closely and you’ll see it’s just a lot of shiny icing and a nice hockey stick, glossing over the fact that it’s hiding nothing more than a bunch of lame cupcakes underneath.

Add a Canucks logo to this thing, and the jokes just write themselves.

Cake #8

You might wonder why bother including this Boston Bruins puck cake, but I’m sort of fascinated imagining what kind of event this cake was served at. An event that involved a Bruins cake and pile of delicate rose petals scattered all over the serving table.

I’m telling you: if this was a wedding cake, it’s a sure bet that someone is already divorced. [source]

Cake #9

If that skate isn’t edible, wouldn’t you be seriously choked at whoever stuffed their filthy hockey equipment into your icing? Incidentally, something about this cake makes me think of Brendan Shanhan. Not sure if it’s the Irish green or the pile of grapes. Oddly, I think it’s the grapes. [source]

Cake #10

An impressive cake. I had to include it.

Cake #11

This one was published online with the caption, “A black hockey skate with a silver sugarpaste blade. The pink laces were a special order for a special birthday girl.” [source]

I like to call it The Sean Avery Cake.

Cake #12

Yes, that’s a hockey stick in the shark’s mouth, not the arm of a screaming child scooped off the beach. [source]

Cake #13

Little Joey is wondering why a bunch of dinosaurs are playing hockey on his cake. Unfortunately, Little Joey is too young for me to share with him all the best Red Wings jokes of the last 5 years.

Cake #14

If a cake can be “fugly”, this is the cake. What in god’s name do these people do to turn perfectly good icing this horrific grey color? Maybe I don’t want to know.

Cake #15

This final cake has to be one of the greatest of all time. It’s like someone literally severed Matt Cooke’s head from his body, shrunk it, and placed it on a cake. (Now I know what I want for my next birthday…!)

Cake Toppers

Last but not least, a selection of hockey themed cake toppers for your special day.

First we have a Bruins fan and a Sabres fan getting married. (The jury is still out on which one should be wearing the dress…)

A Detroit hockey wedding. They met as rejects from “Hot or Not.”

Marrying a goalie? Who’s kidding who. Everyone knows goalies can’t make a marriage work. You just know that sooner or later, Bobby here will be getting it on with Nicola’s sister.