Canucks and Beyond

"Canada's Team" and Other Lies

05/12/2011 at 3:09pm EDT

Dear Rest of Canada, Please get your own hockey team.”

Tired of the fact that most of Canada seems to spend all its time this playoffs telling Vancouver how much they hate our Canucks, Pete McMartin of the Vancouver Sun writes a light-hearted/bitchy opinion piece:

As you can see, the rest of Canada, which we here in Vancouver officially refer to as A Good Place To Be From, has been busy reminding us that they do not like our hockey team.

What they really mean is they do not like Vancouver.

This, of course, is nothing new to Vancouver.

The rest of Canada has always hated us because we’re the prettiest girl in school, and the less pretty girls -you know, the kind who dress all in black and think they’re intellectuals because they looked up “existentialism” -like to think we are dumber and shallower than they are, which normally we would respond to, except that we’re too busy right now brushing our hair. We’re getting ready to go out. We have a totally bitchin’ night ahead of us. We’re going out dancing.

Totally bitchin’ indeed. And if you hate us for it, Canada, we’re okay with that.

As I’ve said before, I’m not a big fan of the “Canada’s Team” stuff, anyway. (Though I wonder why you can be happy for us for a minute; you have all won Cups already; why begrudge us giving it a shot once-every-17-years? We’ve suffered enough out here!) ;)

But yes, we know why you hate us:

We are yuppie, expensive and shallow. Look at the place! We’d be stupid not to be yuppie, expensive and shallow. I’m writing this column in my hot tub while sipping a clever little Okanagan Pinot Gris. Life is good here.

Which is stating the obvious. Which is like telling Edmontonians that they live on an ice rink where the only thing standing between them and the frigid blasts that come roaring out of Siberia are the frozen bodies of other Edmontonians, or like telling Calgarians that their uniquely colourful city explores the full range of the spectrum from tan to cowchip. And also that both of their hockey teams suck.

Sigh. I guess we’re not going to make any eastern friends any time soon. C’est la vie.

_______________

Quote of the Day:

Henrik Sedin was asked what he wants to see out of Game 7 in the San Jose Sharks-Detroit Red Wings series tonight.

“About 10 periods,” he said.

Amen.

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