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Abel to Yzerman

Your Friday Week In Review

Good morning troopers. First, let’s all congratulate our Detroit Tigers on earning a split with those tough D-Rays.  For those of you who claim allegiance to the Tigers and Wings (allowed, by the way), here’s some encouraging news:  if the Tigers are to win 98 games, a reasonable number if a playoff berth is in the cards, they have to go 35-13 over their last 48.  In other words, every game down the stretch is vital. 

Now…Wing fans.  Can you imagine the lines forming for that kind of stress train?  At some point, we’re going to find out what it’s like to worry and fret over just getting into the playoffs.  Kinda like Dive fans had to last year…for nought of course.

Spent much of the week at Busch Gardens, where I counted exactly one piece of evidence that the NHL exists: a woman wearing a Red Wing hat standing in line for The Big Bad Wolf yesterday morning.  I declined to ask her opinion of the new RBK uniforms only because she was busy shoving pretzels into her mouth while yanking on one of those June Cleaver-like child leashes. 


I like ‘em.  But as noted previously by many people funnier and smarter than I…“form-fitting” is often times a disturbing phrase when used to describe the wardrobe selected by some of our, umm, “healthier” hockey fans.  Hockey sweaters, in the past, had been a fairly forgiving display of allegiance.  Loose, easily capable of hiding middle-aged imperfections.  It’s my impression, though, that these RBK deals are a little tighter by nature, which could be dangerous for a few of these folks, for instance.

Hey, whoa.  Easy.  Don’t take offense.  I’m not even sure they’re “form fitting,” and I certainly make no claims to some perverted dedication to fitness.  An addiction to cheddar cheese isn’t conducive to rock-hard abs, or any abs at all.  I will, though, keep asthetics in mind when selecting my new jersey…just to ensure I don’t scare the kids.  More accurate observations and analysis of the new jerseys here.

George Malik told us this morning that Danny Markov’s being courted by the mother country.  Apparently, some team in Russia is going to send some Russian guy here to the states to offer a few billion rubles to our wayward boy.  George was kind enough to provide the translation from some Russian article by some Russian reporter in one of those Russian papers.

The general manager of “Vityaz,” Alexei Zhamnov, not spoke time, that if Markov will return to Russia, the first applicant for [him] will be [the] situated near Moscow club. Yesterday Zhamnov has informed our correspondent, Dmitry Nesterov, that [Zhamnov] is measured to have a talk personally with Markov: “Next week I take off for North America. The purpose - negotiations with Daniel Markov. I would not began to [make] hasty conclusions that the situation has put in motion, and still I consider [the likelihood] of occurrence Markov in “Vityaz” as fifty-fifty.

I’ve read it over a few times and offer this translation to that translation:  We’ve decided to waste three paragraphs in this Russian paper on the subject of Danny Markov returning home to play hockey.  It’s not going to happen, but we’ll write about it anyway because that’s how we roll.  Oh, and there’s no room on the Wing roster for Markov whether he’s playing for 2.5 million dollars or 2.5 million Joe Bucks.

Speaking of bucks, the odds for next year’s Stanley Cup champion have been released.  The cheating Penner-less poultry are the early favorites at 4-1, while your Wings are tied with Ottawa at 5-1 apiece.  Whatthehellever.  I could care less about odds and I don’t bet on hockey or anything else because I lose and lose big.  Las Vegas makes billions off idiots like me because they know I’m too emotionally tied to my teams to bet against them because I’m the dumbass who would feel “guilty” if I didn’t put my 38 bucks on the Lions against the Bears.

We all know Chris Chelios testified yesterday.  Look around and you’ll find the video of his testimony.  I personally don’t feel a need to watch it, and I’m not sure about a good reason anyone would.  Chelios is a good guy and it’s a situation that I’m sure still haunts him.  From today’s Freep.

The well-known hockey player said he called Soroka at the restaurant while he was en route to hockey practice at Joe Louis Arena.

“She heard some yelling,” Chelios said. “She yelled out Mark’s name and she didn’t hear anything.” Soroka then asked Chelios to hold on as she went to check on Mark, he said.

She later returned to the phone and said she had better get to work. Some time after the phone conversation, prosecutors allege Blackshear stabbed Barnard multiple times with a kitchen knife, then attacked Soroka, killing both of them. Chelios said he was a hockey practice when he received a call to go to the restaurant immediately.

Hey…interested in bitterness? Sure you are.  Since we started off tying baseball and hockey together, we’ll go ahead and end that way.  White Sox fans hate them some Detroiters. And why shouldn’t they?  The Tigers, despite recent issues, own them and the Hawks have established a heritage of suckage we can all admire. 

Check out this little diddy from South Side Baseball.

We all know Detroit is the largest example of a failed American city (one Michiganian I know refers to it as “unlivable”), so it’s hard to root against the Tigers even though they are in direct competition with the Good Guys, their pitching staff is anchored by a known cheater and their catcher is an outed steroid user. The first part of that is beyond their control, of course, and if those last two are what it takes for Michiganders to have a reason to cheer, so be it.

Actually, thinking about it more, maybe there are plenty of reasons to root against the Tigers.

(Some of you will argue that the Red Wings and Pistons give Detroit and Michigan all the civic pride they need; this is a bogus argument because a) outside of Detroit, hockey doesn’t count in America and b) the Pistons are a powerhouse in a weak conference. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.)

A few issues:  the only cheaters in baseball are Barry Bonds and his fellow game-tainting, horse-roid injecting loser pals.  I guess that includes Pudge; hard to deny that.  Hockey doesn’t count in America outside Detroit?  Oh, ok.  You’re telling me fans in LA, Miami, Raleigh, Nashville…nevermind.

Something like a month until training camp starts.  I’ll remind you that our boys at Gloveside got their start in September last year with their riveting imagery of cone drills in TC.  Yes, gentlemen, that’s a gentle prod to get off your asses and start posting again.



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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com

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