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Abel to Yzerman

The Tension is Wonka-Like

Updated 2106 ESTPolls are closed.  Aaron’s last vote for himself was the final marker.  A dubious way to end an otherwise noble competition.  Certainly Aaron, you must realize that a move like that is not in keeping with the level of maturity we try to cultivate around here.  Hey…did you guys hear OJ said today, “I thought what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”?  Really.  He actually said that. What a tool.  Will have results posted NLT 2300. 

It’s hard to describe the atmosphere at A2Y HQ right now.  Staffers are running mindlessly around trying to tally last-minute votes.  The firetrucks are posted outside. Hooters Girls are throwing tennis balls for puppies.  I’m trying to maintain calm here but like the subject of this post may have led you to believe, it’s almost like just before that boat in Wonka comes to a stop after the harrowing ride through the dark tunnel when Willie catches that plump little devil picking her nose. 

Three hours left.  Addicted To Red has a five-vote lead.  You have until 2100 (yes, 9pm EST) to let your voice be heard.  Democracy rules.  Transvestite Dive Fans suck.  Vote now. Vote often.  Entries are below.  Send cheese courtesy of US Navy, Washington, DC.

HockeyinHD has proven himself as exactly the kind of juvenile reader who represents us all.  His entry, the first submitted, emphasized exactly that.

Entry 1: Thanks Gary

Where HinHD made us giggle with him like the children we are, Matt Schwartz used the contest to show off, to show us up.  That made me sad that someone would want us all to feel so badly about our own creative shortcomings.  Not since I stabbed Jimmy Karish with a pencil in 5th grade art class with Mrs. Curzon have I felt such shame.

Entry 2: Fire In Your Wallet

Pete at Yzerman is God impressed me since his debut last season.  His stock rose, yes I said “stock rose”, when he dropped a BJ on us with the third entry.

Entry 3: BJ’s For Us All

Aaron from Phoenix, clearly inspired by what Pete had to offer with Entry 3, chimed in next.  He preyed on our greatest fear and struck gold.

Entry 4: Dom..I swear to god if you don’t stay in that f&*ng net…

If Aaron took the easy way out by capitalizing on our insecurities, TeamDub went the opposite direction and lit the torches for the most unpopular Detroit sports figure since, well, since forever.

Entry 5:  Fire Millen

Saginaw John checked in next with concrete evidence that residents of his hometown are the most brilliant, wittiest, most socially responsible people in the history of mid-michigan towns mentioned by Simon and Garfunkel.  I have no idea where he scored the picture of Grampa Pinhead but it worked.

Entry 6:  Fun For All Ages

The pride of Sagnasty was far from done.  Oh no.  This one’s for Don Cherry.

Entry 7:  Soft Swede

And now we get downright dirty.  I can’t tell you the negotiations involved, but suffice it to say the version you’re about to see wasn’t the original.  That one’s hidden away in my sock drawer for the next time I go to sea.  An anonymous poster provided us our eigth entry and it put A2Y on the same map as that little vixen from High School Musical.

Entry 8:  Below The Fold

The contest went silent for three weeks after that anonymous entry.  Why?  I don’t know.  Perhaps we were in shock.  Maybe you all started surfing porn after seeing the 8th entry.  No matter the reason, we were about to wrap it up with 8 when Pete returned with an eye opener. 

Entry 9:  Emmmmma

Saginaw John snuck another entry in just before the polls opened for business. 

Entry 10:  Addicted To Red

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  Tags: genius+a2y+readers


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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com

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