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Abel to Yzerman

Death By Blackberry

I have reached a new low, a new pathetic nap in the gutter of fandom and the means by which I'm forced to watch/listen to/track my Wings. As some of you know, I restlessly bide my days in DC waiting for Mrs. IwoCPO and the brood to head north from The State That Hockey Forgot, or Forgot Hockey, or whatever.

On the nights I don’t venture out into the cold Capitol night to secure a stool in a dark corner of a sports bar to watch the games, I am relegated to observation via the Blackberry.  Why, you ask?  Because in the Walter Reed-esque (and don’t take my sarcasm to be a lighthearted reference to our warriors at that pisspot who have been mistreated.  In fact, look at it as a means for me to show my absolute disgust and shame.  I do ask you, as this has all come to light, to remember some of our Vietnam veterans who suffered through similar conditions upon their inglorious and underappreciated return from that war) barracks room in which I dwell, there is no connectivity and certainly no Center Ice package.

Oh, but I have my Blackberry. And there I sat last night, refreshing every 20 with the little thumb wheel.  Datsyuk scores, Bubba scores twice.  Schneider scores, or was it Franzen?  The damn thing froze. Whatever…2-2.  3-.....3 to what? Who scored?  3-2….3-2 who? Thumby tap, thumby tap, thumby tap…YES. 

Refresh…11:25 left. Refresh….10:44 left.  Refresh…10:44 left.  10:44 left.  10:44 left.  Oh no you didn’t you little mother….9:10 left.  Refresh…DAMMIT.  3-3.

OT…oh, now that’s just glorious.  We all know how I feel about OT.  How we all feel about that damn extra five which usually means an extra two before the extra pain sets in and the extra point goes elsewhere.

Refresh:  4th period ended.  Refresh…nothing on NHL.blackberrybastardlittleevilmenace.com says anything about shootouts.  Refresh. 5th period ended.  Oh, hey, look at that…shootout details.  Still says 3-3, but it also says Franzen scored?  Franzen scored in the second phase of the shootout so that means just one more save.  Refresh you bastard.

Refresh, refresh, refresh.  Erat….SAVE.  That’s it right? Don’t doubt yourself Chief.  That’s it.  But it STILL says 3-3.  Erat…SAVE.  That’s got to be it. Got to be over. Refresh…3-3. Erat…SAVE.  Hey…I’ll run out to the jeep, fire up the Sirius and check the score.

Cold, so cold. Running.  Icey.  Cold.  Start up the Chief Jeep.  Sirius receiver says….

“can’t find antenna.”  Oh my god, I will frigging SMASH you.  Out of the Jeep, running. Icey. So very cold.

Back to the Blackberry.  4-3 Wings. 

So, that’s kinda how my night went.  Tomorrow’s topic:  Ken Holland the league’s best GM?  Ummmm….we’ll see.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com