The Malik Report
by George Malik on 09/16/11 at 11:47 PM ET
While I was overwhelmed by the support so many of you offered when I stated my health issues in plain terms, I’m not expecting the same here, especially because it starts with a crappy simile:
I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for my entire life, and just as there’s no instruction manual for how one should properly recover from a the literal blows to the head that we suffer in the forms of concussions—and I had a major concussion that took six months to recover from, so I know the whole, “Go to the hospital, get a CT scan, get a pamphlet that says, ‘Hello! So you have a concussion!’” and the indignity that comes with having done it by slipping on ice and landing on my ass (and smacking my head on cement)—the neurochemical imbalances that cause mental illnesses don’t come in prescribed doses or offer quantifiable recovery times.
In other words, I’m not going to be able to hold up my end of the bargain—I’m still in the clearing-up stages of recovering from my serious-ass depressive episode, and I’m optimistically hoping to return to work on Monday at the earliest—and the long story short is that as I continue to struggle to shake this episode off, I can’t do my job here, much less attempt to head up to Traverse City to catch the last three days of training camp.
I’m terribly sorry and I hope that this is the last entry I write about my health for a long, long time. If there was a switch to flick I would have done it, and if there was a way to push through and just shake off any issues, I would’ve done it. I’ve been quite literally dreaming about establishing a presence at training camp for a long, long time, and having to bow out after one appearance due to the same old, same old…it sucks like nobody’s business, especially when I know I’m letting down the best audience a blogger could hope for, and it is, for lack of a better term, a real bummer.
Update: Here’s the best way I can put it, eight sleepless hours after I wrote the above entry: the difference between being a content-reflector, which is more or less what I am now, and a content provider, which is where I want to be, is the ability to go out there and attend events so that I’m backing up the stuff you and I can both see with the kind of stuff that you can’t.
In video form, Alyonka Larionov posted this clip of Igor Larionov and his client, Wings prospect tournament try-out Artem Sergeev, having a conversation when Sergeev was a healthy scratch, and the most immediate thing I could think of while watching this was, “Hell, that’s my favorite spot to stand when the bleachers are full!”
So all the reference observations, interviews, and chance occurrences that happen when you’re down at ice level or up in the press box didn’t happen and won’t get to happen, what would have been at least a hundred pages’ worth of observations and tons of interviews, all of that promised content and future material for backing up statements made, that’s gone…
And more than anything, I feel like a shill and an *#$%@& for having asked you to help me get to a place that I didn’t travel to this morning. I’m not particularly talented at anything in life other than being a compulsive reader, searcher of information and someone who observes stuff with all the compulsiveness that yielded, “How many five-subject notebooks did you fill this term? One? Yeah, I go through one of those in each class every six weeks…” remarks in college, and I can convey that level of observation in a manner that’s cogent and apparently somewhat readable despite my major flaws as a writer.
That’s it. That’s what I’ve got to off-set the health stuff and the utter absence of talent or any other level of skill which the average human being innately possesses (English and Philosophy degree-holders seem to be similar in this regard as we’re the most likely candidates to be overqualified for what we our degrees quantifiably train us for—entry-level jobs), and instead of being up there learning, I’m struggling to get my damn head back on crooked (the sideways-looking Facebook/Twitter photo I use is appropriately-chosen) and talking to you about how much it sucks to take your money. That’s embarrassing, frustrating and probably a waste of bandwidth, but I don’t know how to otherwise tell you how much it sucks to not do what might be the only job I’ve ever truly wanted to do.
But that’s what life does. Life is harsh, existence ensures that we define it as difficult, and people help get us through. That and it’s not polite to air one’s skeletons so publicly, and trust me, you’ve more or less seen all my laundry. At this point, I might as well apologize for being otherwise bland, too…But there are more important things going on and much more interesting things going on in the world, and given what’s going to unfold today, mostly off the ice, I don’t think sympathy for one depressed blogger’s even relevant, much less appropriate.
Two more as I continue to overthink things:
1. I believe I have a theme song in addition to a logo now:
2. And, yeah, this pretty much says it all, albeit in German.
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The Malik Report is a destination for all things Red Wings-related. I offer biased, perhaps unprofessional-at-times and verbose coverage of my favorite team, their prospects and developmental affiliates. I've joined the Kukla's Korner family with five years of blogging under my belt, and I hope you'll find almost everything you need to follow your Red Wings at a place where all opinions are created equal and we're all friends, talking about hockey and the team we love to follow.