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Fun with online translators = one-liners from Datsyuk, Tatar regarding Russia’s win over Slovakia

Updated 4x at 2:27 PM: This is slightly-edited Google-translated Russian from Sport-Express's Artem Agapov, but you've got to admit that Pavel Datsyuk's still got the one-liner magic going, as quoted after Russia took a 1-0 shootout decision over Tomas Tatar and Tomas Jurco's Slovaks:

Q: You couldn't score even on the power play. Maybe you should change something?

Datsyuk: We will work on this, thanks for the help.

Q. So why couldn't you score at least one goal?

Datsyuk: We probably didn't have a clear head. Also, we weren't at peace, cold hearts. We had a very emotional game yesterday, everyone wanted to score and made the wrong decisions.

Q. Another game, qualifying round--for the right to play in the quarterfinals. Is this good or bad?

Datsyuk: Well I can't say anything about that. Now we'll go rest, ask me again after.

Q. Why did you wait to see how the Slovaks played?

Datsyuk: I suggest they sat back on defense and caught us on the counterattack.

Q. Today, they played their best game in Sochi...

Datsyuk: I haven't watched them before, so you know better.

Q. How do you feel?

Datsyuk: Thanks be to God...Thank you for this experience.

(i.e. "I ain't tellin' you shit.")

Meanwhile, it's no exaggeration to suggest that Google-translated Russian of Slovak is easier to decipher than Slovak itself, so here's Sovetsky Sport's take on Tomas Tatar speaking to Pravda.sk:

Slovak forward Tomas Tatar commented on the outcome of the game against Russia (0-1 in a shootout) at the Olympic games in Sochi.

"We played too wide-open hockey. Now things are better, even though we lost. This kind of system brought us a silver in Helsinki (at the World Championships in 2012, when the Slovaks took silver-editor's note). The Russians dominated but Laco was gorgeous. I aplogize that I didn't score. The way we played against Russia, we showed that we are ready to fight," Tatar is quoted by the publication Pravda.

Slovakia striker Tomas Tatar commented on the outcome of the match against Russia (0-1 Blvd.) At the Olympic Games in Sochi.

Here's the plain Google version of Tatar directly quoted by Pravda:

Tomas Tatar (Forward, Slovak Republic): "Everyone before the game entered the conscience, it is cool that we have thus rallied. We played far too openly, now they feel better, even if we ultimately lost. Such a game system has brought us a silver success in Helsinki. Russians had predominance, but Jano fielded perfectly. I raid did not work, I'm sorry I did not pick up the puck. Perhaps it would help me a goal to get into being, but it is not excluded that in other matches to come another opportunity in the shootout. Match against the Czechs advance to the finals will be great prestige, overcome it, the brothers' would be great. Waiting for us as a combat belt. Performance against Russia we encourage others to fight. "

Here's a bit more as the Olympic News Service is apparently starting to release quotes:

Update: Here's IIHF.com's Slava Malamud's version of Datsyuk's quip:

"Like in any walk of life you need to stay calm, keep a cool head", said the ever-philosophical Datsyuk. "Yesterday was very emotional and again today when we had chances to score people made very poor decisions."

Update #2: Here's more from Apron Basu, writing for NHL.com:

"Of course we're not happy about this game," Russia captain Pavel Datsyuk said in Russian. "We wanted to win it in regular time, not to go into shootouts or cause heart attacks."

Russia finished play in Group A with one win, one overtime/shootout win and one overtime/shootout loss, and in all likelihood will need to play a qualification game Tuesday in order to advance. Slovakia also will play a qualification game after finishing last in Group A with two regulation losses and one overtime/shootout loss.

But that single point earned Sunday was an important one to Slovakia, allowing the team to pass Norway and Austria and move into 10th in the overall standings, setting up a date with the rival Czech Republic on Tuesday.

"It's going to be huge for both countries," Slovakia forward Tomas Tatar said. "It's going to be a battle."

...

The Slovaks appeared content to sit back and protect Laco, rarely sending more than one forechecker into the Russian zone and clogging the neutral zone. The strategy appeared to befuddle the high-powered Russian attack, which generated 16 shots on Laco while the Slovaks had 22 on Varlamov through 40 minutes.

"We didn't want to just play defense but we knew we can't play really offensively and have two guys in the [offensive] zone. Then they get a breakaway," Tatar said. "We knew we had to stay patient and they will make some mistakes. We were and we got a point from the game.”

Update #3: Pavel being Pavel:

Update #4: More Datsyuk and Tatar from ESPN's Pierre LeBrun:

"We not score on the power play and we had many power plays. We need to work on it more,'' said Datsyuk, whose team went 0-for-5 with the man advantage.

Meanwhile, the Slovaks rebounded strongly after a stunning 3-1 loss to hockey minnow Slovenia on Saturday. The Vancouver 2010 semifinalists went step for step with the Russians, looking more like the team we're used to seeing.

"I really thought we had good bounce back after yesterday," said Slovak captain Zdeno Chara. "We just have to build on that and get ready for our next opponent.''

Slovakia's Tomas Tatar, a forward for the Red Wings, agreed that the Slovaks restored some pride Sunday.

"I think we are still happy with the result,'' Tatar said. "The shootout is a lottery, right? So we're really happy we played a 0-0 game with Russia, one of the gold-medal favorites. That's what we want to do. We played a system and I think we just showed we are ready for the [qualification] round.''

Their next opponent will be the Czech Republic in the 7-10 qualifying round game, a delicious reprisal of one of hockey's great rivalries between two countries that were once under the same flag as Czechoslovakia.

"It's going to be huge for both countries,'' said Tatar. "It's going to be a battle."

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The Malik Report is a destination for all things Red Wings-related. I offer biased, perhaps unprofessional-at-times and verbose coverage of my favorite team, their prospects and developmental affiliates. I've joined the Kukla's Korner family with five years of blogging under my belt, and I hope you'll find almost everything you need to follow your Red Wings at a place where all opinions are created equal and we're all friends, talking about hockey and the team we love to follow.