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Kenny? We’re Still Here
It's December something. Somewhere in the middle. Christmas is around the corner. Then New Years. St. Patrick's Day will arrive, followed by a festive Arbor Day in either April or May. So many holidays and so many days where the Wing team built by Kenny Tick Tock Holland straddles the…
Posted by IwoCPO on 12/13/17 | Comments 146
Forgetting Live Blogs
It's what I do now, and as I do with every problem in my life, I blame Ken Holland. I avoid thinking of our Red Wings. I truly do. I have enough turbulence(ance) in my life. Lou Whitaker left off the ballet(ot), the Lions, Michigan football, chinch bugs ruining my…
Posted by IwoCPO on 12/11/17 | Comments 99
Live Blog This: Fire Ken Holland ASAP, And Toto Too
I should have written this earlier. I should have written it Saturday night, Sunday morning or yesterday. I should have written it last year or the year before. This franchise has plummeted. I'm no hockey beat writer or even a mildly credible blogger. I won't be calling players out "for…
Posted by IwoCPO on 12/05/17 | Comments 215
Liking Our Team
As if you didn't know he was a Holland lackey already, and of course he is, Jeff Blashill actually said that he "likes our team", yesterday. Awesome.
Posted by IwoCPO on 12/02/17 | Comments 180
Last year, at this time of day, on this particular day, I was asleep. The loss to Ohio was so damaging, that I simply couldn't take it. All I could do was sleep. Today? As soon as I knew John O'Korn was starting, it prepared me for the inevitable. Yes,…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/25/17 | Comments 81
Down. Set. Vomit.
This is where we'll be all year. A couple games of optimism, followed by episodes creating circumstances leading to massive, violent expulsion of bodily fluids that may or may not require hospital visits or at least plane rides with Jiri Hudler. So, yes. I'm a little ill. My tumbly is…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/24/17 | Comments 107
Let's just get this out in the open. I don't discuss horrible losses. I don't think about them, read about them, certainly don't blog about them or acknowledge them in any way. So don't expect a rehash of that. Ever. Hell, I'd read a St. James annual hard hitter…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/22/17 | Comments 142
Dive In Detroit
I was reminded of what it's like to be a fan of the Red Wings today. I was reminded of the pain that inherently accompanies being a fan of a team that has been the benchmark of success in a shoddily run league. For a quarter century you and I…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/19/17 | Comments 115
Striving For Mediocrity,Kenny
There's one team in the East. One. It's Tampa and everyone else. So, essentially, as we move toward the cruel winter months (it's 68 in Florida as I write this), the goal is not just to make the playoffs. No, Kenny, the goal is to get the 7 seed. Because…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/17/17 | Comments 153
Back In Business
It's been 11 days since the Wings played. Well, it seems like that. When you've got a bad BJ on a Saturday, days run together. I know. Sorry.
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/15/17 | Comments 185
“1957 and Counting…”
That's the tail end of a text exchange between our Emperor and me, just minutes ago. As he's want to do on game days, Paul will send me a text gently reminding me that the Wings play tonight. I'll typically respond with, "with your permission, Emperor, I'd like to host…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/06/17 | Comments 62
Streaking Toward A Firing
GregG Krupa suggested that Jeff Blashill may be fired if the Wings "don't improve." In pure digger form, he did not suggest that the Ilitch conglomerate fire Ken Holland, the most impotent general manager in all of hockey. And, frankly, in true local form it was even suggested that Krupa's…
Posted by IwoCPO on 11/02/17 | Comments 123
Sometimes, on days like today, when the neighborhood kids are running around bloated and sugar-amped on Charleston Chews, I like to pretend my friend Willy Wonka is wobbling the streets handing out candy and wishes, along with half-off coupons to down river strip clubs where the fire trucks park on…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/31/17 | Comments 181
Nice Mike Babock…The Clock Is Ticking
Because, honsestly? The talent on this team does not equal the record. And it hasn't for two years. Jeff Blashill is a product of Ken Holland. And some on this site actually recommend Todd Nelson? Haven't we played that song before? At what point do you admit to yourself that…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/28/17 | Comments 182
Exactly The Wrong Team, At The Wrong Time, In The Wrong Place…Kenny
I won't be saying much. And I have a couple reasons. I literally had no idea there was a game tonite. And I don't say much when bad things are happening.
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/26/17 | Comments 151
It May Be Time To Consider The Merits Of Vomiting Profusely
Did I spell "vomiting" correctly? It's not two t's, is it? That's kind of a big deal because the subject of the post is the ONE THING YOU CAN'T SCREW UP because it goes to all the feeds and shit. So, in lieu of spell checking, I'm just gonna hope.…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/24/17 | Comments 115
Tick Tock Logic and The Canucks
Apparently, the Wings forward corps is so damn loaded with talent that now-departed Riley Sheahan couldn't find a home amongst all the prolific scorers weaned and accrued by our general manager. This, my 19 friends, is classic Ken Holland. “He wasn’t getting the opportunity,” Holland said. “He’s going to get…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/22/17 | Comments 131
Turning Tides, Shifting Winds, And Our Uncle Mike
I have my NFL Sunday Ticket on auto-renew. Every year it magically re-appears and I watch the Lions and whatever other games are on to my heart's content. I rationalize that through the huge amounts of money I make every Sunday via Draft Kings (not a plug, just a fact)…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/18/17 | Comments 214
Olczyk Back In Booth Wednesday
Good news. Eddie Olczyk, battling colon cancer, returns to the NBCSN broadcast booth tomorrow to call the game between the Blues and his decidedly favorite Hawks. Olczyk said Aug. 8 that he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He is six weeks into a 24-week chemotherapy regimen. "Three treatments in. Nine…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/17/17 | Comments 4
Leafs: Playoff OT Losses Suck, But Better When You Learn From Them
Terry Koshan spoke with the Leafs today, specifically about how disgusting it was to lose the way they did to the Caps in last year's playoffs. Nazim Kadri lied to his face and said the Leafs have no sad feelings. “I don’t know how there can be,” Kadri said Tuesday…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/17/17 | Comments 1
TSN Insider Trading: Double A and Calgary Arena Update
The TSN Hockey Insiders discuss what's next in the Flames' arena saga, whether Andreas Athanasiou is any closer to returning to Detroit, why the Kings could make Jake Muzzin and Alec Martinez available, and the Capitals' interest in adding a defenceman. Watch here...
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/17/17 | Comments 2
Morning everyone. Paul is currently under the weather. I'll try to get on here a bit later and very neutrally bring you a quarter of the material Paul typically would. As some of you know, I'm very unbiased and not prone to hyperbole. My selections, if there are any, will…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/17/17 | Comments 4
Diva In Net: Sounds Like A Reason To Drink
I'm going to the Lions game in New Orleans on Sunday, and I'm worried. I'm worried that I'm wasting money on a loss and I'm worried that I've never been to a Lions game that they won. I feel superstitious and sickly. I'm gonna go but I wanted you all…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/13/17 | Comments 121
Blashill Logic Rules The Day
If you're wondering why our most electric offensive player is sampling the Swedish wares instead of warming up in Gary's Glendale tonight? Look no further. lines: Tatar-Zetterberg-Nyquist Mantha-Larkin-Abdelkader Frk-Nielsen-Helm Glendening-Sheahan-Booth The emperor brought us that this afternoon, courtesy of Dana Wakiji.
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/12/17 | Comments 107
54 to 12. Oh yes. I’m Going There.
My friends, let me remind you that this is not coincidence. This is not happenstance or silliness. Your Detroit Red Wings are undefeated and in first place because Baby Jesus wants them there. He wants US there.
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/10/17 | Comments 133
Monday Morning Wings
Kenny Holland's always said, "sixteen teams are trying to make the playoffs in this man's league and trades are much, much harder in early October than, say, mid-to-late October, so we'll kick tires then, but if you're one of those sixteen teams around the American Columbus Day, I think you've…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/09/17 | Comments 21
One Down, 39 To Go
40 wins gets us in, and getting in is what Kenny Holland's allllll about. Just the tip, though. Just the first round. Start a new streak. A new legacy for Tick Tock after a one-year hiatus from his pleasure dome of playoff consistency.
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/07/17 | Comments 147
Here We Go, Kenny
I fully anticipate a Red Wing victory tonight to "open" Little Caesars Arena. Why? Because they're good? No. Oh no, Kenny. This team that you (de) constructed is not good. You've made sure of that. But, the adrenaline and the novelty and the crowd and the fact that the Wings…
Posted by IwoCPO on 10/05/17 | Comments 349
It’s Monday and Ken Holland Still Has a Job
It doesn't appear that George pointed you to this over the weekend, so I will (sorry, George, if you posted and I missed it). Wojo wrote a column Friday that points out the various reasons (Ken Holland) that the Red Wings seem to be stuck between gears. The article discusses…
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/24/17 | Comments 42
Back when the world was normal and the Red Wings were in the playoffs, you know, for like 25 straight years? Back then the most honest thing I'd say in the months of April (the last four years), May (most years before Ken Holland destroyed this team) and June (those…
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/18/17 | Comments 15
I NOW Consider Chris Ilitch 100% Misguided
Well, here we go. Since I addressed this very topic earlier today, I guess I owe you a reaction. Vomit. Ilitch said he has "100 percent confidence" in Holland and that he will be the team's GM next season, the final year of his contract, and hopefully into the future.…
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/11/17 | Comments 9
Farewells and Fairy Tales: Bring The Captain Home
Maybe it's because I've been out of state for so long, close to 30 years. In that span of time I attended two games at JLA: Game 1 of the Cup Final in '08 (nice trip, Fleury) and Game 2 of the Conference Final in '09 (nice OT winner, Sammy). …
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/11/17 | Comments 19
Final Day and Final Game
Well, the season of our absolute discontent ends today. What a shit show. But, the Holland Failure pales in comparison (temporarily) to what this game means. One more game at Joe Louis Arena.
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/09/17 | Comments 150
Remembering the Joe With Osrt and Jules
We're going to get into this more tomorrow. But, I've got to tell you, the best night I ever spent at Joe Louis Arena was with one of you, one of the 19. Two straight goals from Sammy and Osrt is pretending he’s Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear. He’s talking…
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/08/17 | Comments 139
Olympics Rained Out, Wings Play On
Rainy afternoon/evening in Chicago so the beginning of the season for an aging, star-studded, Ilitch-owned team is delayed. The shrew has decided to decree the NHL will no longer participate in the Olympics. I almost typed "impotent shrew" but changed it because that little guy is far from impotent. He…
Posted by IwoCPO on 04/03/17 | Comments 106
Spoiling For a Live Blog
Helene St. James used to be the lead Holland apologist in this town. She's still a lap dog, gobbling and gulping every word Tick Tock says then regurgitating it to us for our naive and myopic consumption. She's a pro. But, she's not alone anymore, not even at her own…
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/30/17 | Comments 112
Almost Home, But Two In Carolina First…Thanks Gary
And when I say "home", I mean done. That feels like home, sounds like home, beckons me like home. Meanwhile, you guys talked goaltending today.
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/27/17 | Comments 105
Time Is A Wicked Drug
I don't know what the weather's like in Michigan today. I could check, because Al Gore invented a device that would help. But I'm too lazy, as you're aware. I do know that it's going to be 83 and sunny here in Florida, so I'll be at the beach. During…
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/26/17 | Comments 36
I NOW Consider Brad’s Wife The Greatest Internet Victim Of All Time
The Detroit Red Wings are playing their "rivals" tonite, the Tampa Bay Lightning. I haven't given it more than a moment's thought, because I've been... (a) mourning Michigan's loss, perhaps the worst basketball game I've ever seen (b) aware that the Wings haven't beaten the Lightning yet this year because…
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/24/17 | Comments 68
One Dozen Game Days
12 more games left in Mr. Holland's Opus. The team you built, Kenny, is on the verge of some Harkness-like shit. The team you built, Kenny, designed to waste the final years of Hank Zetterberg's career, can hit the links in 12 working days.
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/20/17 | Comments 69
It’s March The 12th. Do You Know Where Your Playoffs Are?
Big day today. Michigan wins the Big Ten tournament in dramatic fashion after an airplane "crash" three days ago. The Lions steal Green Bay's best offensive lineman. And the Detroit Red Wings play a meaningless mid-March game against the New York Rangers.
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/12/17 | Comments 45
James Howard, the Red Wing number 1 goaltender, returns to the team on Friday. Not tonight. Friday. Because when you're shit dead last you can take your time.
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/08/17 | Comments 86
Helene St. James: TPSH Will Win The Pulitzer
No one else seems to have heard it. The emperor's kept us updated in the comment section of this TMR post. A quote like this, during a season like this, at a political time like this when a misplaced comma equals "fake news." But, here it is. “He is probably…
Posted by IwoCPO on 03/03/17 | Comments 90