Petshark: Talking Stick
by petshark on 12/07/11 at 06:00 AM ET
The Minnesota Wild’s goalie was green, no one knew what to expect from him. That is worth a couple wins. It would make more sense to be beaten by Harding, or Backstrom if he was available, but I could make the excuse that it’s harder to beat a good prospect the first time you see him than a few games down the road. Let the puns commence. By all accounts, Hackett can.
The Sharks D-pairs were described in advance as all over the map. I could dig my nails into that excuse and hang on for all my fingers are worth.
Why? This loss feels like one too many. Despair sets in so quick these days. It doesn’t seem possible for the Sharks to right this mess. It could happen, we fans would buck right up with a taste of victory. Instead, this ship of fans is becalmed at sea, supplies running low, the stench hinting of plague. Panic is in the air, buffered only by fatigue. Mutiny is imminent. Someone finds a rum hoard.
Who is on the plank? The Captain of course, of course. Those giveaways and passes like he’s shooting at skates, mad genius turned to simple dementia. It cannot be abided. Off you go, Jumbo. Hold your nose.
Behind him, there is some debate, people tugging and pushing Dan Boyle and Todd McLellan back and forth. One of these must go next. But which? Dan Boyle’s performance has disappointed, but Todd McLellan is the one who allowed it to be so evident, putting him out there so much for us to see. Bereft at the sight, sorrow turns to rage. Together they go over the side, because the plank is only wide enough for one.
Who next? How about a new guy? Havlat. We knew there was something shifty about him, hanging back injured like that. He hasn’t really hit it off with anyone, he hasn’t earned his keep with a big score. Does he know how to swim? Better if he doesn’t, it will be quicker that way. Throw pink gloves after him for those soft hands. He said he likes pink.
And Pavelski. The golden boy. Everyone likes him, children love him, the birds in the trees sing when he passes by. What to do with him? Should he be captain? Can we find him blameless? Didn’t he adopt the style of his Captain, eager to please and be recognized, passing the puck to ghosts? Is he not tainted, as the ship’s favorite lieutenant? Can he be trusted?
Is there any more rum? Yes? Ah well then, Nemo can stay for now. He might be guilty of something, working away alone in his kitchen, but he had the sense to hoard the rum.
Pavelski. He’s still on board? Why? There are no children or trees or birds to sing at sea. To the plank with him.
Brent Burns. Didn’t he used to be one of them? He was not helpful, to us this night. Has he been an enemy spy all along? Does that make him an enemy of our enemy or…? Details, details. Throw him over just in case.
Clowe tries to intervene, he goes over too, hits the water with a splash, followed by shouts of “loyalist!”
Couture. He’s been so much in the company of these villains, what to do with him? He’s young, maybe he can be redeemed. Throw him in the hold, and bring up more rum on your way back.
Wait. We might have a problem here. Does anyone left know how to navigate? Handzus? Where is he from? He can navigate? Then why the hell are we stuck out here? Over the side with him!
Marleau. That’s a French name, isn’t it? He’s already on the plank, wearing a resigned expression. He nods and steps into oblivion.
Someone says they think they’ve seen him do that before, hasn’t he? Yes, everyone is sure he’s been tossed overboard, maybe more than once. How does he keep turning up? Those French…
This won’t do. Where is Doug Wilson? Is he even on board? Who is that, climbing around aloft there?
It’s McGinn. He’s trying to repair one of the sails. A breeze picks up. Someone shouts for him to come down, quick, before… the wind catches the sail and flicks McGinn into the sea with the others.
Our job is done. Mutiny isn’t a science, there are no rules. Just guidelines.
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About Petshark: Talking Stick
Native of Northern California. Hockey fan since 1998... sort of... there's a hiatus in there that I still can't explain.
I want to know about anything and everything related to the sport and the spectacle. I watch, I react, I write it down.
My interest in the Sharks was initially a matter of geographic convenience and regional loyalty because that seemed to be how it worked. I had no prior interest (at all-- AT ALL) in professional sports of any kind. When I met hockey, it might have set off a chain reaction of general sports fandom. It hasn't, I don't think it will. At all.
Since then, that interest developed into full blown (mostly sort of usually almost completely) exclusive loyalty to the Sharks.
I started blogging a couple years ago on wordpress. I still occasionally put things there that I don't think fit here because they are not about the Sharks. Wherever my words wander, here on Kuklas Korner, they will (usually) hang on to a teal thread.
I can be found in cyberspace on Twitter @petshark47, or emailed at email@example.com