by Mike Chen on 09/22/08 at 03:52 PM ET
While mullets and arena rock have their unfortunate associations with hockey, I’m still kinda puzzled by this whole “Kick Off The Season With Def Leppard!” thing the NHL put together. I’m all for reaching out to new audiences and demographics, but I’m trying to figure out the whole thought process. I’m thinking the meeting went something like this:
Gary Bettman: The NFL launched their season with a concert. We should do the same!
Bill Daly: Awesome! (Forms devil horns with fingers and head bangs for a few seconds) Who should we get?
Bettman: How about Barenaked Ladies? They do everything we ask of them.
Daly: True…but I wanna ROCK. And the Ladies don’t rock the way I want to.
Bettman: What about Bryan Adams? I love “Summer of 69” and he’s Canadian!
Daly: No way. He did that awful power ballad song from that Kevin Costner movie AND he forgot the words to “Oh Canada” at our freakin’ All-Star Game.
Bettman: Oh, snap. Good thinking.
Daly: What if we appealed to the teen crowd?
Bettman: No, no, no. Remember when the Backstreet Boys sang the anthem at the Tampa All-Star Game?
Daly: Don’t remind me. The camera caught Keith Tkachuk asking Ray Bourque, “What the *#!$ is this?”
(Mike’s note: Yes, this happened. It was on the NHL on Fox broadcast of the game and had my roommates and I in hysterics for about ten minutes.)
Bettman: No, we need someone who rocks. Someone who’s current and hip and transcends time. Someone who…
Daly: Someone who says pour some sugar on me!
Bettman: Someone who tells you to make love like a man!
Daly: Someone who says let’s get, let’s get, let’s get rocked!
Bettman/Daly: Def Leppard!
(Bettman and Daly high-five and do the Bill & Ted air guitar pose.)
Bettman: And the best thing is that they’re Canadian too!
Daly: Actually, they’re British.
Bettman: Same difference. (Starts humming Bon Jovi’s “Living On A Prayer”)
Daly: Uh, Gary…
Yes sir, nothing quite says body checks and slap shots quite like…British hair metal. And supposedly, the Leppard boys were, um, “inspired” by “ice hockey” to write their new song “C’mon, C’mon.” But I have a sneaking suspicion they’ve told other pro leagues around the globe.
Commissioner of Indian Cricket: Our league inspired Def Leppard to write a song?
Deputy Commissioner of Indian Cricket: Yeah, can you believe it?
Commissioner: Let me see those lyrics. “Baby, baby won’t you give me a good time? Squeeze me, please me, make it feel like the last time. Hold me close and I’ll make every dream come true. Just let the man in me meet the woman in you.”
Deputy Commissioner: Sounds like cricket to me. Metaphorically speaking.
Commissioner: Let’s get rocked!
(Commissioner and Deputy Commisioner high-five and do the Bill & Ted air guitar pose)
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