by Mike Chen on 11/24/09 at 01:00 PM ET
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but what does that mean in the age of today’s Google Image Search? Well, it probably means that you’ll find a hodge-podge of randomness when you type a player’s name in and hit “Search”—most of it good (action shots or media photos), some of it not, and some it just downright bizarre. Join me on a journey through search-engine fun as we take a look at how Google views your favorite hockey heroes. All of the following pictures are on the first page of Google Image Search when you typed a player’s name in.
We have to start with Ed Belfour, whose photo isn’t worth a thousand words; instead, it’s currently valued at a billion dollars. This lovely photo (which I’m sure we’ve all seen before but who can get sick of this one?) was number two in search results. I’m sure The Eagle’s glad that’s what he’s known for.
But at least he’s known, right? We may all know who Stephen Weiss of the Florida Panthers is when we see a box score or a recap, but how many hockey fans could pick him out on the street? Make sure you don’t mistake him for this Stephen Weiss:
Man, no wonder the dude’s never lived up to his potential. Guess all that Florida sunshine makes it hard to stay motivated, huh?
Ever wonder what a star NHL player’s engagement photo looks like? Well, it looks like every other person’s engagement photo. This one was from The Knot’s website, which means that yes, even if you make $6 million a year as an NHL All Star, your bride-to-be will still sign you up for The Knot. That sound you hear is a million puck bunnies going over to The Knot RIGHT NOW.
Of course, there are worse things than making your engagement info available on a public website. You could be ex-50-goal guy Jonathan Cheechoo. Not only has Cheechoo lost his scoring touch, he’s somehow associated with this photo.
Um…all right then. Moving on, then. What about broadcasters? Here’s everyone’s favorite Stamkos-hater, Barry Melrose:
Right hairstyle, wrong dude. God, who thought those All-Star jerseys would be a good idea?
Speaking of mulleted broadcasters, let’s try the unique hairstylings of Brian Engblom. Now I know that I’ve raised the ire of some of you out there in blogland from time to time, but the next time I piss you off, please remember this: because of this post, the following photo is forever associated with Brian Engblom.
I think that earns me at least one pass, right?
Todd Bertuzzi’s best known for being a fighter, not a lover, so this little piece of camaraderie sticks out. Hey Jovo, is that Bertuzzi’s hand between your legs or are you just happy to see the Canadian media?
Wow. So what really happens behind closed doors at Team Canada? Wait, Chris Pronger, why are you taking your shirt off?
Uh huh. Things just got slightly uncomfortable in here…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Let’s stroll down the hallway and…wait, is that Teemu Selanne? And why is he with Randy Marsh from South Park?
And how will you spend your day with the Stanley Cup?
Finally, let’s close on the player that prompted this little search. I was looking up stats on Olli Jokinen and the following image showed up on Google’s preview window. Courtesy of my fellow Star Trek nerds at Litter Box Cats, here’s a brief lesson in how to draw Olli Jokinen.
The next time Calgary fans need a break from trying to figure Jokinen out, they can resort to this fun-time activity.
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