by Mike Chen on 09/25/08 at 04:00 PM ET
If I could have my own goalie mask design, that’d mean that 1) I played goal instead of forward and 2) I had enough money to actually pay someone to design my mask. This may be old news to some, but Martin Gerber’s new Darth Vader mask delights my inner Star Wars fanboy to no end.
I’m guessing that Gerber’s mask has more to do with the Darth Gerber nickname (due to his black helmet from last season) than an unabashed love for all things in the Lucas universe. That being said, here are some other ways he could use the Force to make his gear waaaaaaaay cooler—and it might even make his game better.
First, let’s take a look at meek and mild pre-Sith Martin Gerber.
Every good Sith needs a lightsaber to deflect blaster rays. In Gerber’s case, he needs Darth Maul’s double-bladed lightsaber to block pucks or dismember Tomas Holmstrom when he gets too close. Hey Homer, watch out for that chop between the legs!
There’s no Sith out there who goes about his or her (don’t forget the female Sith like Darth Kreia) daily life without a cape or cloak. After all, you need a cape to look both menacing and dramatic. In Gerber’s case, it also adds an extra layer of puck blocking. A good cape is, if you recall, always made of a thick and rugged material.
Blue crease? What blue crease? That’s for weak goalies. No, a true Sith goalie skates on a bed of lava. If anyone dares get in Gerber’s crease, they’ll simply catch fire and be left to burn alive.
Finally, a true Sith fights with the Force as much as a lightsaber. That’s why Gerber simply flings oncoming forwards into the boards with the power of his mind. Behold, the true power of a Sith goalie!
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