F Street Faithful
by Matthew Tate on 03/19/12 at 02:58 PM ET
Look, we all need to hit the road sometimes. Whether it is business, holidays, or a simple getaway, we all are forced to leave the comfy confines of our home at some point. The Washington Capitals know this better than anyone, as they find themselves on the road quite a bit. Always the considerate bunch, they have decided to help out in the designing of some equipment that is a must-have for the person on the go.
The Capitals Road Pillow
Is there anything worse than those awful bricks that hotels attempt to pass off as pillows? Maybe they once had some softness, but they have simply deteriorated into a lumpy rock. Luckily, the Capitals have developed a new super-soft pillow you can take with you. I know what you are thinking; oh what did they stuff it with? Is it goose feathers? No. Is it memory foam? No. With some help from the R&D Department, they have found a way to channel their defensive zone play into fabric. It is guaranteed to be the softest you have ever felt. You can go ahead and slam this thing around and it is guaranteed to never become hard. Act now and ask about the special Ovechkin-filled body pillow!
The Capitals Travel Water
We all know that even with the softest pillow, it can sometimes be hard to fall asleep in a hotel room. It just doesn’t have that homey feel. You are in a new city in a place that you cannot guarantee the safety of. Plus, with all that travel, what if you forgot to drink your daily-required 8 glasses of water? Don’t fret one second more, as the Capitals have thought about that. And no, it is not just water laced with ambien. The Capitals have gone through all the work of bottling up the exact same water they drink in between shifts of a road game. They figured that it had to be the water that made them so sluggish, so why not send it to those who really need it.
The Capitals Grabber
So, here you are all comfy in your bed. You have drank your Capitals Water, and have your Capitals pillow softly tucked under your head. All of a sudden, you see the Faberge egg you travel everywhere with wobbling on the end table. Now, you could get out of bed and catch it safely with your hands, but that takes a lot of energy and you really don’t want to. Don’t worry because the Caps know all about that. They don’t think you need to actually get your body there, as long as you have a long stick to do the job. After all, the good ones skate to where the puck is, but the supposed great ones simply reach for the puck. While they might have their sticks to reach for loose puck instead of skating hard, they have given you a Washington Capitals grabber. We guarantee* that it will do the job.
*Note: We actually do not guarantee that simply reaching will get the job done effectively. In fact, you should probably just go get it yourself.
The Capitals “Power Play” Generator
It would be silly of us to think that every person travels to places with reliable power. Some of you might be avid campers, or simply have to deal with rolling blackouts. With you in mind, the Capitals chose to release a generator just for you, with the power of their power play. It will handle almost all of your power-needs:
Need to power a 15-watt bulb? No problem
Need to get a partial charge on your iPod? No problem
Need to boil some water? Should be no problem
*Note: You should not attempt to do all 3 of these things at the same time. We cannot stress that enough. Should you rely on this for survival, you will die.
So, before you embark on that extended road trip that your career depends upon, come on down and stock up on the tools for success!
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About F Street Faithful
Welcome to the home of the F Street Faithful, run by Matthew Tate. This is a go-to blog for all things related to the Washington Capitals. The F Street Faithful is 5% news and 95% breaking down the news.
In the past I have written for several other sports blogs as well as the college newspaper while at York College of Pennsylvania. I am a graduate of York College of Pennsylvania but am based out of Southern Maryland.
You can follow me on twitter @FStreetTate but I must warn that I do tweet about more than hockey. You can also e-mail me at any time at firstname.lastname@example.org.