Kukla's Korner

Canucks and Beyond

Canucks v. ‘Hawks: Ben Eager and Other Boobs

UPDATED: May 18, 2011—Ben Eager Meets the Twins


Given my anxiety about this series, the Canucks and ‘Hawks seem to me like a 7 episode (hopefully less) arc of that old show Fear Factor. Fortunately, in the first episode it was guys like Matt Walker and Cam Barker who were forced to sit down in a vat of writhing spiders while trying unsuccessfully to suck the blood out of snakes, with about a minute left in the third period. A very happy ending, indeed.

But now it’s game 2 and Ben Eager wants the Canucks to do something really, really stupid to end up in similarly dire hell-hole. Towards that end, he came up with this:

“If there’s a hit like that I’m going to take it again.”

To be fair, Eager said a lot of things prior to that quote above—and some of those things might even have been reasonable observations about that hit he laid on Rick Rypien in game #1, from his point of view—but we don’t have time for reasonable arguments here. Through the magic of selective editing, the bottom line is that Eager would like the Canucks to know he’s not finished. 

Another quote from Eager makes this point a bit clearer: “Bring it on, bitches!”

Unfortunately for me, Eager said no such thing (I’m just making crap up now) but you know that’s what he meant. Sucking Vancouver into taking idiotic penalties is probably a dominant part of Eager’s game plan for Saturday night. 

Will Vancouver fall for it?

Alas, probably. $10 says that at least one Canuck does something stupid enough, in an attempt to deal with Eager, to get himself tossed in the bin. Such is life. As long as it’s just one Canuck and not a whole parade of them, I’m betting the Canucks will keep their eye on the prize… *knock on wood*

Besides, the Blackhawks have other great opportunities available, the quicker they can get out of this series.  For instance, the Meadows at Pemberton Golf Course is offering free unrestricted memberships to every Chicago player this season. Sweet deal.

Now, onto more important issues. Like lingerie. 

Jeff Cowan’s arrival onto the roster Thursday sparked all kinds of Brabarian jokes back into hockey circles (note: if you’re not familiar with the history here, you can check this), but few people expect him to play. Fortunately that doesn’t seem to matter much. Just Cowan’s mere presence in our hockey universe is having an impact.

Or, at least I think it’s down to Jeff Cowan. How else do you explain the sudden appearance of a drunk Canucks fan, dancing around and deliberately posing shirtless for strange cameras?  I don’t get to a lot of Canucks games, but I’m pretty sure that’s not a nightly event.


Incidentally—and my apologies to the sisterhood notwithstanding—I really see no downside to this. I figure if the right girl flashes her business at the Chicago bench at just the right moment, that could mean the difference between facing a terrifying brat pack of hockey superstars in the third period, versus just a bench full of drooling, pre-pubescent boys.

I’d even flash my own if I thought it would help, but no, it wouldn’t. Seriously.

Finally, a few late observations about game 1:

The Canucks’ had the ingenius plan of trying to play half the first period with 7-10 guys on the ice at any one time.

Brilliant, but a flawed long-term plan.  While it seemed to slip past the refs in game 1, I don’t expect them to miss it again. And I don’t want them to, either—Joel Quenneville came dangerously close to a stroke on Thursday, desperately looking to get a powerplay out of it.

More on Ben Eager. (Sorry).

Every time I see him, he strangely reminds me of this sketch from a very old Saturday Night Live… Phil Hartman as Frankenstein. The sounds Frankenstein makes, I imagine that’s exactly how Eager sounds when he talks on the ice.  In fact, I’m sure of it. Just oddly placed grunts while he crashes into walls.

Marc Crawford’s hair has achieved new levels of… uniqueness.

What I’m trying to say here is that he looked rather a lot like a porcupine.

Does anyone know why Scotty Bowman was going postal up in the box in the 3rd period?

The camera flashed on him briefly and I think (but I’m not certain) that it was before Vancouver scored on his team, yet Bowman looked like he was about to have a coronary, arguing with someone. 

Whatever the reason, I liked it.  As is the case in all NHL playoff moments, if Scotty Bowman is that pissed off about something, it’s usually good news for someone else. smile

Go Canucks!


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About Canucks and Beyond

Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003 (with a notable gap in time through 2010, kicking it with new baby Lucy while living knee-deep in chaos while reading "parenting for complete idiots" during every spare minute) sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen.

In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla's Korner, Alanah was one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast. She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.

So that's me. Who the hell are you? smile

Email: am@kuklaskorner.com

Alanah's Twitter: [@alanah1]