Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Yep. I’ll Say It:  Sweep ‘em

Screw it. I’ll be your huckleberry.

Finish this tonite.  Press down.  Sweep this mediocre team off the ice.  End this farce and send Shane Doan on his way to another offseason of pouting and pondering just who really was the “best player in the series.”

Sweep this fraud and then rest up and wait.

You’ve read it from Uncle Mike and you all know why.  Why play a game you don’t have to play?  Every unnecessary shift is an injury waiting to happen. Every bit of energy is something that could somehow be conserved and used when it matters, against San Jose, or Vancouver, or even Bubba.

Speaking of San Jose?  Jesus.  Jeeeesus LA.  I want to be angry at you, but more than that? I understand.  I’m finally learning that there is nothing more stressful for a fan than a big lead in hockey with lots of time to kill. 4 goal lead: neato.  4-2 lead: not so fun.  5-3 with more than 30 minutes left?  Nausea.  5-4 and then 5-5, 44 seconds apart:  absolute heaving, steaming, stinking, chunky vomit.  The loss in OT:  resignation because you pictured it back when it was 4-2. Don’t lie. You know you did.  We’ve all been there. Maybe not as bad as that, but we’ve had nightmares of it.  That game, right there, for those fans, is precisely why the playoffs are just not fun.

Speaking of leads?  When the Wings were up 2-0 in Game 3, the douche bags were firing everything they could at our little brother Jim Howard, and he was fantastic.  Fan-fauxing-tastic.  Every game he’s been good, but Game 3 may have been The One.  He had Swagger and, oh, don’t we dig that.  The kick save on Aucoin, I think?  6, 7, 8 feet outside the crease, challenging that frigging bazooka.  Nasty, cocky glove saves.  While Breezy was holding on to every puck, inviting faceoffs into his own end because he’s so snakebit right now that he’s afraid to play the puck.  Oh, and he’s whining like a bitch.

Khan(!)

“I’m wondering ‘How can this happen?’ We expected it to be different, not down 3-0. I just want to win one game. That’s what I want.”

Wantin’ ain’t gettin’ Breezy.  Tee times await.

I’ve read the eeyore comments and I get it.  I understand everything the realists are saying. But I’ve got a feeling about this.  I’ve got a feeling that this team learned a critical lesson when they let Phoenix stretch them to 7.  This thing ends tonite or in 5. Then it’s rest while others sort themselves out and wear each other down.  It’s rest so that Hank gets better and Uncle Mike starts some real serious, real necessary work on the PK.  Because, while I tend not to agree with anyone who chooses to point out even the smallest fault with our team, that kill needs some help.

That will start, of course, with Nick Lidstrom.  Hey Phoenix, this is how convinced Detroit is that you are, by far, the inferior team: Lidstrom isn’t even killing penalties.  The smartest killer in hockey history, the most effective positional defenseman ever, isn’t killing penalties because it’s unnecessary.  That’s not to say we can afford to let the PK slip, which it has.  It’s closer to this:  score on the power play if you have to, every once in a while, because we’re gonna kick your ass anyway because even up? There’s no comparison.  None.

Sweep these bitches right out of Phoenix.  If that’s the result, oh well.  Unfortunate for the Wings players who will have to travel to, yeah, Winnipeg, twice a year.  But, awesome because nothing says your commissioner’s a fuchhead like moving a team back to the city from which they moved because the city they moved to is a dumb place to try and move a pro hockey team.  In other words: suck it Gary. Ass.

I haven’t watched much hockey this year.  Only three games since 1 December or something.  So, to me, the best part about seeing this team play again has been the improvement of Darren Jebediah Helm.  Holy. Hell.  I love watching that kid play hockey.  Watching him drill Jovo-douche then get the assist on Salei’s goal was pornographic.  I usually relax a bit when Lidstrom’s on the ice. Now I say the same for Helm.  For some reason, I just feel comfortable knowing he’s out there because nothing ever comes easy for the other guy while 43’s on the ice.

Sweep.  Bring the brooms with you Transplants.  Sweep this team. Sweep them and let’s wait for the next one. 

13 to 12, bitches.  See you for the Live Blog.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

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AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” starts with lookin’ in a mirror, Breezy.  Or maybe you can look to your captain, Best Player In the Series.

Noticed that the young stud defenseman are leading the time in TOI, and that TPH isn’t on the PK.  If I’m Tippett, that feels like a slap on the face.  With an iron gauntlet.

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 04/20/11 at 08:44 AM ET

Avatar

Watched that west coaster last nite.  Dam LA.  I want that series to go 7.

Jim Howard as Mickey say’s has something to prove.  He does look confident in net.  Sweep em tonite.

Posted by Jeff from CO. on 04/20/11 at 09:19 AM ET

Primis's avatar

I want so badly for the Wings to sweep with a Game 4 win, and for that to be the last of Coyotes in Phoenix.

Just like how they ended NHL hockey in Winnipeg previously.

Oh the symmetry… and oh the joy of once again sending Shane Doan off packing to yet another market we all know he’ll fail in once again as the “captain”.

Posted by Primis on 04/20/11 at 09:45 AM ET

Avatar

I usually relax a bit when Lidstrom’s on the ice. Now I say the same for Helm.  For some reason, I just feel comfortable knowing he’s out there because nothing ever comes easy for the other guy while 43’s on the ice.

Not from me, from Humberto on RWBrasil:

“Ed Jovanovski disagrees with Herm, the man who first called Darren Helm ‘God’. To JovoCop, Helm is nothing like the man who supposedly created the unierse and promised a place in heaven for all good souls after this period filled with Stanley Cups known as life. Helm is the Devil”.

Like my friend, Black Sabbath fan, would say, this God thing is from the Devil.

Posted by Herm from school on 04/20/11 at 10:12 AM ET

Avatar

I love Darren Helm! He skates two shifts every shift.

Posted by Skapanza on 04/20/11 at 10:24 AM ET

Cwix's avatar

With an iron gauntlet

...game four clinic. Statue of Liberty anyone?

Posted by Cwix from Grand Rapids, now Chicago, IL on 04/20/11 at 10:45 AM ET

MarkK's avatar

I say play the griffs. All of them. MacDonald in net.

If we win, so be it, but everyone else take the night off and win it at home.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/20/11 at 10:52 AM ET

Pharazon's avatar

i don’t know why were clamouring so much for the lost dogs to return to Winnipeg… the reason they left isn that it was a shitty hockey market, so why do we suddenly think it’s improved so much…

thisd obession with getting another team in Canada is wearing a little thin

Posted by Pharazon from England on 04/20/11 at 10:54 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

I say play the griffs. All of them. MacDonald in net.
If we win, so be it, but everyone else take the night off and win it at home.
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/20/11 at 08:52 AM ET

And let the jokes fly should they win…

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/20/11 at 11:13 AM ET

HockeyFanOhio's avatar

This is the attitude they should have every game.  Go for the throat, put them away and send them to an early round of golf.  Can’t let up. Can’t let them think they have a chance.  Save the energy, pounding, wear and tear for the next round.

Posted by HockeyFanOhio from Central Ohio on 04/20/11 at 11:18 AM ET

datsyukdanglesyou's avatar

Did anyone else take it to heart as much as I did last night that LuLu Bell can still get rattled and self-destruct like we’ve all seen him do before?  Speaking of self-destruction, LA…

I’d love to see the Wings send the Dogs packing, I still remember being at the last Jets game at JLA in ‘96 and asking my dad why anybody would think hockey in the desert was a good thing.  This proves my long-argued point: 10 year old children have been, and are today still, more logical creatures than the half-man, half-dwarf excuse of a commissioner that is one, Gary Bettman.  Thanks, Gary.  Ass.

Fuch it, sweep ‘em like Times Square on January 1.  LGRW.

Posted by datsyukdanglesyou on 04/20/11 at 11:19 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

thisd obession with getting another team in Canada is wearing a little thin

Posted by Pharazon from England on 04/20/11 at 08:54 AM ET

“HOCKEY AND CANADIAN CULTURE

If you ask anyone in or outside Canada what makes that country different from other nations, it doesn’t usually take long for hockey to emerge as something that seems characteristically Canadian.

Canada’s greatest and most wide reaching export, hockey cannot be ignored in Canada, whether one appreciates the game or not. There are outdoor and indoor rinks in every community across the country; there is year-round media coverage of hockey; most Canadians alive at the time can tell you where they were when Paul Henderson scored the winning goal to beat Russia in the Canada/Soviet series; a hockey scene figures prominently on the back of the five-dollar bill.”

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/20/11 at 11:25 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

To tell the truth, I think hockey could have worked in Arizona, but that organization was poisoned by non-hockey decisions since day one.

They went to Glendale on a shitty arena lease so their shitty owner could drive up the prices of land around the arena that he owned.  They made a gimmick coaching hire with no idea as to whether one of the best players in hockey history could actually coach. 

I don’t care if they go to Winnipeg, Seattle, Kansas City, or *#$%@& Mordor itself - They ruined their own market.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/20/11 at 11:30 AM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Yes please.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/20/11 at 11:34 AM ET

FranzensMouthguard's avatar

Id have to say, seeing as how Seattle gets up for a damn soccer team, a nhl franchise might make a killing

Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 04/20/11 at 11:35 AM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Sweep the ‘Dogs?  Awesome.

Sweep the ‘Dogs in their last ever home game in PHX?  Fantastic.

Sweep the ‘Dogs in their last ever home game in PHX, with your 2007 Conn Smythe Winner not having played a single minute in the series?  Obscenely ridiculous.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/20/11 at 11:37 AM ET

Jennemy of the Skate's avatar

Lol… you’re on fire this morning, Chief. Love it.

Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from the bar car on the stress train on 04/20/11 at 11:46 AM ET

Bent's avatar

thisd obession with getting another team in Canada is wearing a little thin

My canadian wife told me yesterday how she is cheering for Vancouver because she wants the cup in Canada this year.  Never mind she now lives in Michigan, or that she is a leafs fan, half the players on almost every team are Canadian, or that she knows detroit losing will cause much anguish in our household.  For some reason every Canadian becomes a fan of whatever Canadian team is still in it.  I don’t get it at all.  Plus if the wings have the cup it usually ends up in our neck of the woods, although I have never got a chance to see it myself.

I guess this doesn’t apply to folks like Voox, or Alzy (I think that’s his name) or any other of us wings fans.  But for most of the Canadians I know personally, it does.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 04/20/11 at 11:47 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/20/11 at 09:37 AM ET

We need a “like” button here.

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 04/20/11 at 11:55 AM ET

clemshady's avatar

Sweep the ‘Dogs?  Awesome.

Sweep the ‘Dogs in their last ever home game in PHX?  Fantastic.

Sweep the ‘Dogs in their last ever home game in PHX, with your 2007 Conn Smythe Winner not having played a single minute in the series?  Obscenely ridiculous.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/20/11 at 09:37 AM ET

Not to mention sweeping the dogs with the Doan-bag playing in all the games this series, unlike last year.  What could be more soul crushing to the PHX fan base than all of these things happening?

Posted by clemshady from Greenwood, SC on 04/20/11 at 11:57 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Oh, yes a sweep, please.  I have the feeling too.  I saw it in the calm, structured play of the last game.  I saw it in the eyes of God (Helm) and the eyes of Abby (don’t you touch our Captain again), and I heard Jimmah’s words yesterday:  “If I can see the puck, I’m going to stop it.”

Particularly as Shitcago managed to prolong the series with Vancouver last night, and the SJ/LA series is tight, the Wings need to get this over with and get some rest.

I am so longing to see Doan’s face as the Wings celebrate tonight.

Crap news of the day is that Buttman just locked the NHL into NBC/Versucks for another TEN years.  Gawd.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/20/11 at 11:57 AM ET

Trish's avatar

We got ‘em ready Chief.  Wasn’t gonna mention it, but now that you have let that genie out . . .  Rest assured, we got ‘em ready.
Photobucket

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 04/20/11 at 12:01 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I guess this doesn’t apply to folks like Voox, or Alzy (I think that’s his name) or any other of us wings fans.  But for most of the Canadians I know personally, it does.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 04/20/11 at 09:47 AM ET

It’s becoming more and more a contentious issue this year, I think.  Either that, or more people are paying attention to it.  Alanah posted a couple days ago about how she thinks a lot of the mainstream Canadian media’s obsession with pushing the agenda of rooting for a Canadian team no matter what is getting old. 

I heard a couple fans recently who are living near Vancouver, one a Wings fan, say that they were both rooting for the Hawks in their round one series because there is nothing more sickening to them than the concept of the smug Canucks fans that surround them.

I’m glad to hear more and more about how it’s something of a split issue.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/20/11 at 12:21 PM ET

hockeychic's avatar

OH man, LA last night…that’s just a colassal breakdown.  I felt so bad for them.  I really wanted them to be up in the series on the Sharks but that may have just broken them…

As for tonight…my broom is ready.  The dogs will come out flying and nothing would be better than to get the first goal once again.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 04/20/11 at 12:21 PM ET

redxblack's avatar

The AHL’s Manitoba Moose draws well. By not calling the team Winnipeg they have been able to draw more interest and corporate sponsors. Winnipeg could be a good market again. It was the weak CDN dollar that killed them last time.

Remember the wings sweeping the blue jackets in the first round? That’s what’s supposed to happen when a team with no business playing in late April somehow makes it to the dance. Send Doan home to go get his shine box.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 04/20/11 at 12:22 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 04/20/11 at 12:45 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

WFBIL. that is outstanding. Standing OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Exclamation point. Sweep the leg tonight. Closers are winners. No steak knives for 2nd. You are banished to Manitoba GO WINGS

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 04/20/11 at 01:01 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from gretzky_to_lemieux’s sandy vag on 04/20/11 at 10:45 AM ET

Brilliant, +19

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/20/11 at 01:03 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Alanah posted a couple days ago about how she thinks a lot of the mainstream Canadian media’s obsession with pushing the agenda of rooting for a Canadian team no matter what is getting old.

I blame the Olympics.

WingsFanInBeanLand, that’s friggin’ amazing.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 04/20/11 at 01:08 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from gretzky_to_lemieux’s sandy vag on 04/20/11 at 10:45 AM ET

Pure awesome.  You win the internets.  All of them.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 04/20/11 at 11:01 AM ET

The Cup is for Closers.  Bitches.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/20/11 at 01:09 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Alanah posted a couple days ago about how she thinks a lot of the mainstream Canadian media’s obsession with pushing the agenda of rooting for a Canadian team no matter what is getting old. 

There are times when Canadian hockey fans are unbearable to talk to.  When their team is in the playoffs and during any international tournament.  Apparently these events causes Canadians become the most obnoxious culture on earth, temporarily. 

Do you guys remember the shut storm I caused during the Olympics when I was calling Rosby out for not backchecking and using Iginla like Viagra to help his scoring troubles.

That being said, I would rather have Darren Garcia give me a cock piercing than ever root for the Habs.  Ever.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/20/11 at 01:15 PM ET

VooX's avatar

shut storm = shit storm

autocorrect can go to he’ll

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/20/11 at 01:16 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from gretzky_to_lemieux’s sandy vag on 04/20/11 at 10:45 AM ET

Words cannot describe the awesomeness.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 04/20/11 at 01:16 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

That being said, I would rather have Darren Garcia give me a cock piercing than ever root for the Habs.  Ever.

The 19 is on fire already, a mere eleven hours before puck drop.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 04/20/11 at 01:19 PM ET

Avatar

Crap news of the day is that Buttman just locked the NHL into NBC/Versucks for another TEN years.  Gawd

I’m not an expert in the financial ramifications, but it’s my fear that this is why the guy doesn’t have to worry about job-hunting for a while. It sounds like he made the owners some more scratch with this one and so his dismissive attitude toward the tradition and history of the NHL, which sets it apart in contemporary pro sports, will continue. And my tin-foil hat is buzzing knowing that ain’t gonna make things any easier for the Wings. Maybe his true love, the NBA, will get tired of Stern’s shenanigans and give his #1 protege a chance in the big chair.

I am truly freaked out by the over-confidence I am reading on the boards. I get it, but it still freaks me out. This is the epic ‘let down’ possibility. It’s games like this where the team against the ropes storms back and scary things happen. Babs needs to be in the players heads at the skate and pre-game today making them scared too. They can be as confident as they want to be, but this is still a game played with a bouncing, rubber puck that sometimes goes wherever it feels like it. Sometimes the team on top tries to play a whole game of ‘prevent defense’, just waiting for the dog (literally, in this case) to roll over.

Keep your heads up boys. Play hard and aggressive. And disciplined. Remember what it is that makes you the better team and do it.

Days like today are pure torture. Tomorrow will either be rapturous joy or numb resignation. End it tonight Wings.

Posted by Krebstar from Grand Blanc on 04/20/11 at 01:20 PM ET

Bent's avatar

There are times when Canadian hockey fans are unbearable to talk to.  When their team is in the playoffs and during any international tournament.  Apparently these events causes Canadians become the most obnoxious culture on earth, temporarily.

I wouldn’t go quite that far, but I know what you mean.  Constantly during the olympics and after Canada won gold that was all I heard from them (who conveniently forget the disappearing act Rosby pulled and remember only his gold medal winning goal).  Anyone who knows me knows I don’t give two shits about the olympics, yet “AHA WE BEAT YOU, CROSBY ROCKS!!!” was all I heard.  That and the world juniors, something that a lot of hockey fans in the US don’t even follow.  They are usually pretty outspoken about that too.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 04/20/11 at 01:37 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I don’t mind the Olympics and World Champions stuff so much; that really IS a time to get together and talk some shit on some a-dem dirty for-ners.  From watching so many basketball “Dream teams”, I can understand the pain of being forced to root for a team that employs people you don’t like.

It’s the thought that every single Canadian has to root for a Canadian team over an American team to win the cup that’s ridiculous.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/20/11 at 01:54 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 04/20/11 at 11:37 AM ET

It transcends sport for many Canadians, and becomes a US/Canada issue. Hockey becomes the equivalent of the political during events such as the Olympics and WJC. It’s kinda’ sad, really.

I had a Canadian tell me once that just because the Wings won the Cup doesn’t mean America won anything.

Geez, thanks, I agree.

He then told me it was dumb to think the U.S. ever wins the Cup, due to the proliferation of Canadian players on most teams. I then asked him if it was dumb to think Canada has ever won the World Series, seeing the Blue Jays claimed the big prize one year.

I was then called an “arrogant American”.

Go figure.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 04/20/11 at 02:00 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Krebstar I understand your trepidation, but all the Wings have to do is get the first goal.  Then we watch and laugh as the Coyotes fold up like a cheap lawn chair.

Canada can have their world championships and their Olympic medals.  Did I want the US to win?  Hell yes I did.  But when it comes down to it, does that gold medal mean jack shit next to the Stanley Cup?  Fuch no, and Canada knows it.  That’s why their playing the nationalism card.  The NHL is where the world’s finest play, and the Cup is much more difficult to win than any Olympic medal, and they aren’t getting it back any time soon.

The Yotes are just one of four throats to step on along the road to #12.  Put the boot down tonight Red Wings.  Show Little Gary what you think of his best laid plans and lay waste to them like you’re the Mongol horde.  Then we’ll offer Shane Doan and that mutant Radim Vrbata a fleet of U-Haul trucks, made by the good people of DETROIT, so those b*&^h’s can get moving to Winnipeg.  Bring out the brooms Wings Fans!  LGRW.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 04/20/11 at 02:02 PM ET

mrhahkey's avatar

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from gretzky_to_lemieux’s sandy vag on 04/20/11 at 10:45 AM ET

Awesome! Love it.
Really Kings? Really? What the foch happened? Im so hapy I didnt stay up for that one jeez.
Hey Bobbie Lou didnt look so good, I think he broke his vag bending backward.

No mercy tonight folks. throttle down.

Posted by mrhahkey on 04/20/11 at 02:12 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com