Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Tick Tock, Helmer and Our Boy JJ

Things are happening round here and they’re happening fast.  Helmer signed today for 800 and change, and then for another year at a cool million.  Darren Helm for a million, you say?  Yes, I said it and you bet your ass it’s a steal.  I may have mentioned this before: he’s a life-long Wing, a future captain, a Canadian(en) Olympian to be and the face of this franchise for the next decade.

So, yeah, a million bucks seems safe.  One year from now, we’ll be chalking it up in the “Kenny wins again” column.  Watch.

This is a pretty good line. Ready?

I get as happy as Hudler at a 2-for-1 asstravaganza sale.

Juvenilicious. Redolent.  JJ from Kansas.

Yep, and I’m sorry I haven’t mentioned it before.  JJ’s found himself a gig with Winging it in Motown, making up for the loss of Chris Hollis at Motown Wings...and Hollis? You bitch.  We’ll miss you, but I’ll bet you’ll be back.  I’m just sayin’.

Back to JJ.  He’s writing about Hawk fans and the fact that he’s downright distraught that our little sisters are losing money, lost money actually, in the midst of Cup Glory.  JJ, a mainstay of the 19 from Day 1, has a few suggestions for the One Trickers. 

Get the copyright to the “DETROIT SUCKS!” chant and charge 25 cents to each fan every time they use it in the arena.  This should make up that $5.6M salary shortfall in no time flat.  If you’re worried that Hawks fans are going to somehow learn how to cheer for their own team instead of against Detroit to avoid this charge, I wouldn’t.  They’ve had this long to learn, why start now?

Great stuff from JJ and, again, I should have congratulated you earlier buddy.  The 19 will be reading.

And back to Helm.  He’s the icon and idol of our favorite son, Herm.  I bring that up because the bash that Herm begot…it’s alliteration bitches, lay off…is happening all over again.  And, just for a whole butt load of fun, I’m gonna re-create my role.  Yep, I’ll be deployed once again.  It is what it is.  But the party will go on.  Between you and me, I’ve got a stand-in and he doesn’t even know it yet.  What the hell are little brothers for if they can’t represent you at a bash that might land him in jail?  He’ll be there.

Will you?  Contact jennyquarx at gmail and let her know. It’s March 11th at the Joe against Edmonton.  More details to follow, I’m sure.  Bastards.

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Comments

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Guilherme's avatar

JJ is trying to beat the master. That should be a battle for the ages.

And trying to be reasonable, Helm is a great signing. His raise was appropriate and the million for next year will probably be, too, but it has a good chance of being very very berry cheap.

Not trying to be reasonable, asdfasdf, I am thrilled. And word is (I know shit about it) he’ll be RFA again next time, so it will be easier to sign his 15 year deal.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/04/10 at 11:22 PM ET

Avatar

JJ has managed to antagonize Little Brother fans and Pred fans. Not bad for only being on the job for a couple of weeks.

The Helm signing is a great one. He got a nice raise, suitable for where his skills currently are. He will have a chance to continue his development, and blossom into more of a scoring threat. He will be yet another Wing for life.

Chief, being a little new around here, I haven’t gotten to know you that well. But I plan to be around for the season, and look forward to sharing the good times with the 19.

Posted by GrahamWIIM from Chicago via Toronto on 08/04/10 at 11:28 PM ET

D4LRob's avatar

JJ has managed to antagonize Little Brother fans and Pred fans. Not bad for only being on the job for a couple of weeks.

This excerpt is from an astute commenter from JJ’s first post at WIM:

You are one of the worst hacks I’ve ever seen. You write a blog about moving Nashville like nobody has ever done that before, you use somebody else’s reasons because you can’t come up with your own, and then you fill it with the same Nashville jokes that have been made a million times. You have reached 100% hackery!

Wow Chief, you’ve got competition.

Posted by D4LRob on 08/04/10 at 11:40 PM ET

eyesris's avatar

Deployed again, eh?  Funny how these things work.  Somehow I bet the tradition will still be going strong by the time you aren’t needed elsewhere.

Posted by eyesris from Asheville, NC on 08/04/10 at 11:44 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

No way I’m going up against the Chief.  I’ve seen what happens when people try to go head-to-head with Chief.  Hell, I’ve been part of what happens to people that try to go up against the Chief. 

I’m just putting all my long-ass comments in a different place now.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/04/10 at 11:47 PM ET

D4LRob's avatar

No way I’m going up against the Chief.  I’ve seen what happens when people try to go head-to-head with Chief.  Hell, I’ve been part of what happens to people that try to go up against the Chief.

I never suggested you were. Dear Lord Baby Jesus knows that going toe-to-toe with the Chief will end up like Alan vs. Tyson in The Hangover. Deployed or not, “He’s still got it.”

Posted by D4LRob on 08/04/10 at 11:49 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Also, is there any way they could put a hold on that whole National Security thing for a long weekend in March? C’mon, the terrorists will still be hiding in caves by the time you get back to your ship, Chief.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/04/10 at 11:51 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Also, is there any way they could put a hold on that whole National Security thing for a long weekend in March? C’mon, the terrorists will still be hiding in caves by the time you get back to your ship, Chief.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/04/10 at 09:51 PM ET

Didn’t you read the Emperor’s front page, J.J.?  The Chief has to be on alert to save us from those FILTHY WHORE MOUTHS north of the border!!

Posted by Primis on 08/04/10 at 11:56 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Once again, the Navy’s priorities are all fauxed up. Damn.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 08/04/10 at 11:56 PM ET

Baroque's avatar

Didn’t you read the Emperor’s front page, J.J.?  The Chief has to be on alert to save us from those FILTHY WHORE MOUTHS north of the border!!

Well at least that explains Sidney Crosby’s potty mouth. He can’t help it, he’s Canadian! smile

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 08/05/10 at 12:05 AM ET

Matt Saler's avatar

I set up this form to help Jen out in collecting the RSVP info. If you’re already sent her your info, you’re all set for this part. But if you’re interested in going and haven’t let her know, please fill out the form when you get a minute. She’d still like an email, too, though. The form just puts everything in handy spreadsheet format.

Posted by Matt Saler from Grand Rapids, MI on 08/05/10 at 12:07 AM ET

D4LRob's avatar

Speaking of the Emperor, he completely bitch slapped Dater today via Twitter. I would link, but my internet is acting up.

Here’s Paul’s Twitter address: http://twitter.com/kuklaskorner

Posted by D4LRob on 08/05/10 at 12:08 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

These Wing signings make for quite a redolent day.

Posted by RWBill on 08/05/10 at 12:11 AM ET

Lindas1st's avatar

Good Luck J.J. and now to get Ms. B a gig.

Posted by Lindas1st from New England on 08/05/10 at 12:25 AM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

JJ. Best of luck with the new gig. You are a very good blogger with down to earth logic in your perspectives.I love the way you stand up for the 19 when you take on douche Puckdaddy. I will now have 3 sites to check out regularly with you , here, and George.
Helm is finally signed with homekeys next. Is it time for Tick-Tock to play with the cards we have or is there a trade/ FA signing left in the works? In Kenny we trust.

Posted by cigar_nurse from On LTIR for the Greenville Pylons on 08/05/10 at 12:37 AM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

“Yep, I’ll be deployed once again.  It is what it is.”

Thanks for keeping us safe, Chief.

And this is what it is ... awesome:

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/05/10 at 01:23 AM ET

HockeyTownTodd's avatar

Good posting on .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) via Dater’s twitter.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 08/05/10 at 01:34 AM ET

D4LRob's avatar

Posted by HockeyTownTodd from A. K. A. NostraGrampus on 08/04/10 at 11:34 PM ET

Your link isn’t working Gramps. I think removing the “mailto:” portion in the beginning may fix that. It keeps opening my Outlook when I click it.

Speaking of Dater’s Twitter, I put together the timeline of his conversation with The Emperor this afternoon. Here’s the link, Photobucket and KK aren’t agreeing with each other right now.

Posted by D4LRob on 08/05/10 at 01:42 AM ET

HockeyTownTodd's avatar

Oops,
We’ll try that again, my bad.
Modano, via Dater.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 08/05/10 at 02:10 AM ET

D4LRob's avatar

No worries, I screwed up too. Copy/paste this link if you haven’t seen the Emperor/Dater conversation yet.

http://i906.photobucket.com/albums/ac266/detroit4lyferob/Red Wings/KuklaTwitterOwnage.jpg

Posted by D4LRob on 08/05/10 at 02:14 AM ET

Alzy's avatar

I haven’t said it yet, but congrats as well JJ, looking forward to another good daily read on the Wings.

So unfortunately, it looks like my proposed math is down the fuching sh*tter, god dammit. Son of a biotch. I really fuching wanted to get that motherfauxer Willie. Oh well, if that big badass of a pylon SMOK want to bring his isht here and do his motherfauxing thing on a discount, that’ll be fuching good too.

Fuch.

Just upholding the statistics. Bitches.

GO WINGS GO (exclamation point)

Posted by Alzy from Cambridge, Ontario, Canada on 08/05/10 at 05:08 AM ET

Twig in Houston's avatar

gratz j.j. and thanks, chief. got an apo address so we can send you loads of stuff you shouldn’t have?

on another note, i’ll be at h2h2 this time. look for the white guy in an yzerman jersey. probably holding a beer. can’t miss me.

Posted by Twig in Houston from Houston, TX on 08/05/10 at 12:05 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

I’m mad at any H2H2er who missed H2H1. Looking at you, JJ, Twig and you-kow-who-you-are.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/05/10 at 12:11 PM ET

Kate from PA now in SC-made in Detroit's avatar

Chief, thank you for all you do. It is an honor to be associated with an Officer and a gentleman?

Congratulations J.J. You have already managed to raise the ire of the many Cousbands and wives in Trashville.

Is it October yet? Bastards.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from PA now in SC-made in Detroit on 08/05/10 at 12:14 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I’m mad at any H2H2er who missed H2H1. Looking at you, JJ

Haha.  Well, I asked my 4 1/2 month-old daughter who was 2 days old for the H2H game to weigh in on this and she said “GOO!”, which according to my Larry Murphy Speech Translator either means “sorry about the bad timing” or “unless you want a claw hammer to the neck, you’ll hurry up with the next round of drinks, sweetheart”.

I’m still thinking that 192B in 2014 might be a good idea.  Either way, you have to make another trip to Detroit, Herm.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/05/10 at 12:17 PM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

I’m mad at any H2H2er who missed H2H1.

Just so long as you aren’t mad at any H2H1er who’ll miss H2H2.  Hell, I won’t even be home to lovingly stroke the Dangle Stick in memory of that great occasion, though I will raise a beer to distant friends and a distant home.

Just avoid the potty-mouthed Canuckistanis this time around, Herm—looks like there’ll be more than just VooX.  And beware of strangers bearing video cameras and microphones.

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/05/10 at 12:18 PM ET

Avatar

I’m mad at any H2H2er who missed H2H1. Looking at you, JJ, Twig and you-kow-who-you-are.

In my defense, I didn’t learn about it until I watched the game on TV that night. It was that event that made me realize all of you people were out there. So I will use ignorance as my excuse.

Also, to anyone in the Chicago area, we’re organizing an invasion of the United Center for the April 10 game against the Wings. We hope to be watching Little Brother try and qualify for the playoffs that day, with the Wings dashing those hopes.

Posted by GrahamWIIM from Chicago via Toronto on 08/05/10 at 12:47 PM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

We hope to be watching Little Brother try and qualify for the playoffs that day

Yeah, like they’ll still be in contention for a playoff spot that late in the season…with Turco in net, one scoring line, and half a team of minor-leaguers.  Tickets should be VERY easy to come by…

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/05/10 at 01:04 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

  Either way, you have to make another trip to Detroit, Herm.

I’m aiming at H2H3, the fourth is more realistic.

my 4 1/2 month-old daughter who was 2 days old for the H2H

You can book me for H2H18. [quagmire mode off]

Just avoid the potty-mouthed Canuckistanis this time around, Herm

AAA, I probably won’t be going this time (shit), unless Helm blesses me with a lottery win. In that case, I’d move to America during the playoffs.

In my defense, I didn’t learn about it until I watched the game on TV that night.

That’s not an excuse dammit, your Wing-sense should’ve warned you. Check to see if your antennas aren’t broken.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/05/10 at 01:19 PM ET

Twig in Houston's avatar

i’m mad at me too, herm.

Posted by Twig in Houston from Houston, TX on 08/05/10 at 01:24 PM ET

Avatar

Tickets should be VERY easy to come by…

Ah, the good old days. I once got tickets on the day of the game for Hawks-Wings. Sat at center ice, too. There were maybe 14K there, and 4K were easily Wing fans. We used to be able to drown out the Hawk fans, but unfortunately the bandwagon now has a stop at the UC, so there’s more “diehards” there. Although by the end of this year, we should be back to the regular 10-11K. Kind of like when your neighborhood bar hires a hot new bartender, so all the guys come out of the woodwork to check her out. Then, after they all realize that she’s not going to give them the time of day, they go back to their regular places, and it’s just the regulars again.

That’s not an excuse dammit, your Wing-sense should’ve warned you. Check to see if your antennas aren’t broken.

The ironic part is that I used to hang around CBSSports.com a lot, so it’s not like I wasn’t part of the online community. We just never heard of all of the blogs out there. We were very sheltered, like on “Lost”, except we were the ones who everyone hated, because we wore our arrogance on our sleeves.

Posted by GrahamWIIM from Chicago via Toronto on 08/05/10 at 01:31 PM ET

redxblack's avatar

RSVP’d for H2H2. GAME ON! that’s a lot of caps.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 08/05/10 at 01:51 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Congrats also J.J., may it not suck the life blood out of you.

When it comes done to watching your girl roll over on the floor, or holding her hands in the air while she practices taking steps, put this sh1t here on hold, we ain’t going anywhere, but she will someday.

Posted by RWBill on 08/05/10 at 01:53 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Wings announce Modano signing official.


http://www.mlive.com/redwings/index.ssf/2010/08/red_wings_make_mike_modano_sig.html

Posted by RWBill on 08/05/10 at 01:58 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

a little help? ...

No worries, I screwed up too. Copy/paste this link if you haven’t seen the Emperor/Dater conversation yet.

Posted by D4LRob on 08/05/10 at 12:14 AM ET

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/05/10 at 01:59 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

When it comes done

When it comes down…. 

Stupid Apple keeps substituting words for me.

Posted by RWBill on 08/05/10 at 02:00 PM ET

D4LRob's avatar

a little help?
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/05/10 at 11:59 AM ET

Thank you. I was only getting a Photobucket error message when I previewed the comment last night. The pic reads bottom-to-top, for those of you not familiar with Twitter.

i’m mad at me too, herm.

Seconded.

Congrats also J.J., may it not suck the life blood out of you.

Also seconded.

Posted by D4LRob on 08/05/10 at 02:09 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

gratz j.j. and thanks, chief. got an apo address so we can send you loads of stuff you shouldn’t have?

Posted by Twig in Houston on 08/05/10 at 10:05 AM ET

Twig -
from Chief’s vessel’s FaceBook page:

USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70)
Looking for VINSON’s mailing address? Here you go:

Your Sailor’s Name
Department/Division
USS Carl Vinson CVN 70
FPO AP 96629-2840

July 23 at 12:08am

Disclaimer -
I can not assume ANY responsibility for the contents of ANY material delivered to the above said address.

(Note: Don’t sue me Chief. But it is public info, right?)

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/05/10 at 02:24 PM ET

Avatar

Sorry Chief - per Mirtle, there’ll be a new Willie in either San Jose or Washington

Posted by GrahamWIIM from Chicago via Toronto on 08/05/10 at 02:35 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

on another note, i’ll be at h2h2 this time. look for the white guy in an yzerman jersey. probably holding a beer. can’t miss me.

Posted by Twig in Houston on 08/05/10 at 10:05 AM ET

You’re gonna come dressed as me?? How flattering.  I guess.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 08/05/10 at 02:43 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com