Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 04/28/09 at 07:20 AM ET
For nearly two years this has been inevitable. Since the very moment that bastard knuckleball of a fluttering puck straight from the hottest depths of hockey hell slo-mo’d its way over Dominik Hasek’s shoulder…
...since then, this series has been on the docket.
Yeah, I know. The Western Conference Finals in 2007 went one more game, but it was decided on that shift late in the 3rd period of Game 5 when the Wings couldn’t clear, Zetterberg couldn’t hit an empty net.
Game 5 was decided with 47 seconds left in regulation and Nick Lidstrom put his stick on the ice to try and block an innocent Scott Niedermayer shot/pass. It was magic bullet time then brother. Up it went. Up and over. End over end. Holy hell right over Hasek’s shoulder and into the back of the net.
And Lilja? I’d bet only Wing fans know why he’s mentioned right there. Honestly, I doubt any Anaheim “fans” even recognize the significance of his name in that context.
So, yeah…that hurt. Well before the pain of 34.7 in a Game 5 a little more than a year later? Before that there was 46.7.
But before that we had Sasquatch and the other Niedermayer sandwiching Homer and we had almost an entire series of intense playoff hockey. The kind of hockey that rivalries are made of and born from.
Don’t forget though. Pronger’s smarter than us all. In fact, he’s a genius. ‘Member?
A2Y, 20 May 2007
That’s right. Dr. Sasquatch. The eccentric genius.
As you’ve seen and read by now, the Doctor says malice and utter idiocy had nothing to do with how he raised both hands and plastered Tomas Holmstrom’s head against the glass last Tuesday. A 4-0 deficit and a track record of stupidity played no part. It was a simple hockey play and an inevitable result.
“Of course, I’m going to hit him in the head,” Pronger said. “He’s quite a bit shorter than me. It’s just law of physics.”
I’m sure he meant “the” law of physics. Editorial error. The Doctor’s always being misquoted, misinterpreted, misunderstood. And that’s why he decided to impose a “media blackout.” Yep. The Doctor wasn’t talking. To you. To them. To anyone.
Detroit Free Press
This is the same Pronger who walked through the Ducks locker room in suit and tie a half-hour after Game 4 but waved off interview requests.
“Media blackout,” Pronger said as he left the room, smirking. “You guys are all out of the loop—every one of you.”
By the way, if you go to the very bottom of this page, down on the right? You’ll see a little search box. Go to May 2007 and see where the hate was born. I believe that was the first appearance of the Stress Train too, if you’re wondering.
So yeah. We get them again. We expected that last year was the season for redemption, that any legitimate road to the Cup would have to go through Anaheim. But they were all hungover and couldn’t handle the “rigors of a Cup defense.” So our Wings took their Cup back and didn’t have the pleasure of eliminating those *#$%@& sacks. The Wings didn’t have the honor of reminding the Poultry that in 2007 the better team lost.
Instead it’s satisfaction one year removed. Why? Because the San Jose Sharks are the biggest postseason choke artists this league has ever known. But that’s only part of it. None of us are kidding ourselves into believing the Poultry are your typical 8 seed. But don’t forget this…they are an 8 seed. They have one real good line, plus Selanne.
The Wings thrive on shutting down one or even two line teams. Ask, I don’t know, Crosby? Ryan Getzlaf and Nick Lidstrom. There’s your matchup, your series difference maker.
And yes, their blue line is imposing. We know about Pronger and Niedermayer, Beauchamin and Whitney. But there’s this…does that team know the kind of pressure brought to bear by the Wings forecheckers when the weather in Detroit turns warm? The consistent pressure that has been the hallmark of this team since, well, May of 2007?
Chrissy Pronger? Let me introduce you to Darren Helm. The fastest bastard on the ice and he’s going to hit you like a frigging miniature sledgehammer. Again and again Sasquatch. He’s not going to knock you out but he’s going to whittle you down one little brain cell at a time.
This thing is going to be dirty and it’s going to be ugly. There will be injuries and maybe even a suspension or two. And when the Wings advance, they’re going to be a tired, hurting bunch. Make no mistake about that. But advance they will.
But the Wings will pay a price in doing so. Which is fine. Chicago will be waiting. And they’re our bitches, plain and simple.
Hate-fest ‘09 starts now. This isn’t about laughing at Denver or Bubba. It’s not about flicking Blues fans away like the bitter little fruit flies they are. It’s not picking on Thid and his strange relationship with our league’s commissioner. This is deeper. This is the kind of hate we used to reserve for Pattie and Adam and Peter and Claude—-before he was hired on to taint a room already dragged down by a heartless captain and a big talking farce of a superstar who has as much business wearing the number 19 as Chris Pronger has discussing phonics at any level beyond 2nd grade.
Send in your photoshops. Email them to me and we’ll run them. Don’t just put them in the comments because those bitches pile up and I get lost and forget they’re there. At some point today, Starbord Side will be updated with links and stuff.
This is going to be ugly and it’s going to be epic. I feel it coming.
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About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org