Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 06/18/09 at 06:35 AM ET
Two things make me laugh harder than most anything else: a drunk person throwing up and one man giving another an open-handed slap to the face.
Well, there’s a third but many of you wouldn’t find it amusing. What? Really? Ok. But I warned you that it may just be me.
I also laugh very hard when I see pictures of Sidney Crosby and Gary Bettman each wearing one-piece footie pajamas from the Baby Gap toddler collection, sharing a Yoohoo with two straws while they sit indian-legged next to the pool at Mario Lemieux’s Stanley Cup party.
So those are my top three. But there are others. I’m a dad, at least I think I still am after ignoring many of my children the last two months, so I appreciate and respect well-mannered youngsters. Like this little angel.
Break out the Vernors. It would appear we’re lowering the admission age to the Hasek. I watch that and my heart swells with pride.
Gonna watch Gary’s Awards Gala (GAG) tonite? What? Mike Green winning the Norris is something you’d prefer not to witness? Got it. Well, have no fear, Kris at Snipe Snipe, Dangle Dangle has crafted some art you need to see, and reading this will allow you to skip right on by the GAG.
The Class Couple Award goes to…Gary Bettman and Sidney Crosby. Previous winners include Gary Bettman and Sidney Crosby. In fact, it should really be re-named after them, what with all of the discussion of re-naming the real NHL awards to honor more modern players. It’s fairly obvious why the commish and his butt-buddy won, so I won’t go into depth. In all honesty, the details of their relationship are probably too horrific for me to publish.
Obviously, I don’t condone that kind of blogging. I’m offended as you should be. If you want to be offended again, I’ve added Snipe/Dangle to the honor roll of Wing bloggers on the right.
It’s been five days since god decided it would be fun to fu** with me. My days have been…strange. Work productivity has increased a bit and I’m not as consistently suicidal as I thought I’d be. But there are moments where it sneaks up on me like a Patrick Sharp spear to the nutsack.
A little of the “normal” Wing stress has been supplemented by the fact that the Tigers are in first place but looking like they’re going to implode very, very soon. I’ve taken to the Twitter thing a bit more and I started running again. I looked at my Nike deal and saw that, before yesterday, the last time I’d run was the day the Finals started. I have no idea why that is.
In no particular order I’ve gotten into it with the following: the fu**stick who said to me, “they blew it” the morning after Game 6, the military cop who yelled across the street at me yesterday “Go Pens” when he saw my Wing flag and my wife’s friend who wrote “Go Avalanche” on her facebook page, obviously as some sort of slam at me.
And I’ve kept writing here, which is a frigging shock to me. Frankly, I’m surprised you guys have seen a single word from me. I think it helped that I developed an agenda as soon as Game 7 was over. I have a blogging purpose and it makes me smile and come up with new ideas. I’m not going to get into it too much, but I’ll give you a hint…aggravating people you don’t like can be fun. I highly recommend it.
Others have elected to take a break, and I completely understand that. I do.
I’m not going to congratulate them for winning the Cup. I’m not going to be gracious in defeat and think about how the Penguins’ fanbase is just like ours and they deserve to celebrate a Cup as much as we do. The better team lost, as it happens in sports sometimes. I’ll never forget this loss, and I’ll never forgive the city of Pittsburgh or Sidney Crosby. I just won’t. Call me a sore loser, but that’s what I do. I’m not going to give Ohio State credit when they beat Michigan, and I’m sure as hell not going to give anybody in a Penguins uniform credit for somehow upsetting the Wings in seven unholy games.
Kittle’s taking the whole summer off. I get that. And I love what he wrote. Every word of it.
Alright. Don’t do anything else today if you’re not going to read what I’m about to show you. Motherfu**ing Triple Deke. I used to write like this. I swear to frigging god I remember a day I used to write just like this.
Brent: “Jesus, Pavel, you look rough. You know you can shave now, don’t you? I know this is a tough time and all but you’ve got to pull it together. And I’m no fashion expert but I’m pretty sure your ‘I Farted’ t-shirt violates some sort of dress code.”
Datsyuk: “I know, I know this. It’s Homer’s shirt .... Friday night I had nightmare about the Talbot Monster so I burned house down to kill him. I have no clothes. Homer give hand-me-downs from shopping spree from long time ago. Talbot Monster gone?”
Brent: “Well no Pavel, Talbot’s not dead ... you burned your house down? Seriously? Shouldn’t the police be looking for you?”
Datsyuk: “If you are Talbot, I’m going to be very angry.”
Brent: “I’m not Max Talbot, Pavel.”
Read the whole thing. If it’s possible to be depressed with tears of laughter running down your face, then I’ve found that place. Unreal.
We’re gonna talk Hossa today. It’s time. Sometime today the keepers and the goodbye wavers are going to have to go toe to toe. Look for that later.
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About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org