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Abel to Yzerman

Really?  For “Sloppy Seconds”?

For the love of God, Hippy Frigging Dave beat me to it.  Here’s what he had to say at 0039 EST, “Jack Bauer is gonna kick his ass.”

Exactly.  Haven’t the idiots out there learned that Bauer will take you down for slights far simpler than calling his daughter “sloppy seconds?”

Of course, we’re talking about Avery. Given.  But the second and third biggest idiots?  Brett Hull and Little Gary.  Hull first.

(Hull) said the organization knew what they were getting when they signed Avery to a four-year free agent contract in the summer for $15.5 million. He said at the time he thought the Stars were too vanilla and needed the emotion that Avery brought. However, he said he has talked to Avery countless times about focusing his energy and emotion in the right way.

“This goes beyond hockey and beyond the game on the ice, and that’s what bothers me,” Hull said. “We have talked and talked and talked about being on the edge within the game but not going over the line. We told him from the start that he can not do things that would embarrass the organization.

Yeah well.  You’re embarrassed now, ain’t ya big boy?  Hull inherited a talented team, managed not to screw it up long enough for them to reach the conference finals, then blew it up.  In between meals.  Now we’re hearing from Turco and Modano and others, worried about the sanctity of the Stars, worried about the honor the team has lost.  Hell, here’s what you two should be worrying about….you’re getting your asses kicked regularly, Bauer-style.  Worry about that.

The suspension?  Stupid, but typical Bettman…who is obviously rightfully scared of Jack Bauer and the tentacles of the Counter Terrorism Unit.  Bauer was probably on his SAT/STU to the league office mere seconds after he saw the live feed.  As soon as “seconds” fell out of Avery’s pie hole, Jack had Bettman on the line, issuing edicts and decrees.  Next thing you know…Avery’s sitting.  Dammit.

Bob McKenzie has some big words to help you understand it.

“I believe there are two reasons why Avery was suspended indefinitely pending his hearing with Gary Bettman and Colin Campbell,” said McKenzie. “First is his specific choice of words, two words to be precise, ‘sloppy seconds’. It’s vulgar, the imagery is not good and in the mind of the National Hockey League, it’s misogynistic, shows a lack of respect and objectifies women, in this case Elisha Cuthbert, his former girlfriend and current girlfriend of Flames’ defenceman Dion Phaneuf. If he’d said ex-girlfriends, we wouldn’t be talking about this.

“Secondly, there has been a long litany of things that he hasn’t been punished for. He flipped the bird to a cameraman in New York, had verbal exchanges with Darcy Tucker as well as the allegations of what he may or may not have said about Jason Blake. There have been a number of things he hasn’t gotten in trouble for and now that he has said this and crossed the line, the hammer has come down.”

Vulgar, says Bob.  The imagery is “not good.”  I’ll wait for RWBill’s commentary on that. Misogynistic?  Exactly what I was going to say.

So, the league took the high road, eh?  Suspended Avery for this distasteful act? Yes. I’m sure that’s it. 

Colin Campbell:  “Gary, he referred to her as ‘sloppy seconds.’”

Little G. Bettman:  “Really?  Just wear a bib.  That’s what I do. I’ve got two bibs. One with Uncle David’s picture on it with the cookie monster and another one with Sidney and the Cup. It’s beautiful and shiny and I never make a mess….”

Campbell:  “I’m going to suspend him.”

LGB:  “For poor table manners?  Oh yes.  Check with Mr. Stern first, but suspend the young man.”

Idiots.  If the league had any sack whatsoever, they would have said this:  “Avery earned a beating but we can’t sanction it.  Considering the network contract we have with Versus!!!, that might be hard to believe, but it’s true.” 

Really…what should have been done?

Nothing.  Players handle these situations.  They handle them in the room and on the ice.  Coaches handle them.  What if Tippett had come out immediately afterward and said, “He’s sitting.  He’s sitting tonite and sitting until I’m ready to play him again.  Next question.”  Resolved.

But now Gary’s involved and the wondering begins.  Really? Are we really suspending one guy for calling another guy’s girlfriend “sloppy seconds”?  Is that really happening?  The funniest thing is that a bunch of rich elitists were actually sitting around discussing whether “sloppy seconds” is a term worthy of suspension. 

Should Avery have played last night?  Probably not, even though every one of us would have tuned in to see that.  He would have been killed and that would have been awesome.  But, that could have been a call made by Hull and Tippett and it would have been just and honorable.  Now?  Little Gary the League Killer steps in and lays down the paternal law, rides to the rescue on his little white pony because he’s not tall enough to climb on a steed.

Now it’s up to Bauer, who’s rarely sloppy.  He’s got a day to get it done.  24 hours to take down Sean Avery.  Stay tuned bitches.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com