Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Memo To Transplants: Red Is Your Only Option

Ken Daniels is calling the Vancouver/Chicago game and just confirmed to a live OLN audience that Larry Murphy is typically too drunk to stand up by the third period of a Detroit home game.

Nevermind. He didn’t say that.  Put your lawyer phones down.

There’s really no easy segue from libel (or is it slander? I get confused) so we’ll just move on awkwardly.

Just about 24 hours until they drop the puck at The Reach Around (JOBing.com.mil.org.net arena) and Dan Bickley would like to get the word to all you transplants out there that if you plan to attend Game 3, please don’t do it in a way that would remind two (or 3, sorry Herm) countries that hockey and Phoenix are as compatible as Bettman and competence. 

So, a plea to all Red Wings fans living in the Valley:

If you must go to the games in Arizona, please wear white.  We don’t want outsiders thinking we can’t sell out playoff games.  After all we’ve been through - from bankruptcy hearings to relocation threats - the last thing we need is more national embarrassment.

I know you’ve already seen this. It’s three days old or something.  But I’ve held on to it as long as possible.  Jeeeeesus.  What is it about the Daters and the Bradys and now the Bickleys?  Why is it that a matchup with Detroit turns them all into such sniveling little bitches? 

Here’s my counterpoint to Danny’s tearful plea:  If you’re a Wing fan in Phoenix and you’re going to the game, wear your red, chant your Tuzzi, give every one of them that cocky-ass grin that comes with 11 Cups and remind them that Swagger is earned. 

And as for this?

If you’re a Detroit fan who otherwise cheers for the Coyotes…

...then you’re not a Detroit fan.  Simple as that. Wear your white and make it official.  Harsh?  Too. Frigging. Bad.  You don’t lose your loyalty because you’ve moved to warmer climes.  You just don’t.  You stand your ground and wear your Winged wheel.  There’s no middle ground and it’s not 1 and 1a.  It’s the Wings and no one else.  I swear to god. It makes me snarl to even consider being a fan of any other team. I can’t imagine how it would happen. I have the Wings and 29 teams I despise.  I’m a Wing fan, bitch. That’s it and that is motherfuching all. 

Estimates I’ve read approach the 30 percent number.  As in 30 percent of the crowd in The Reach Around will be Wing fans.  Hell. Yes. 

John Niyo’s a super important all-sport columnist now and reminds us of something scary.

And the Wings would do well to remind themselves what happened back in 2007, when Datsyuk & Co. had the Calgary Flames—a team that’s not unlike this Phoenix bunch—thoroughly disgusted after a couple of lopsided wins in Detroit. The Flames then went home and regrouped and won a pair, forcing the Wings to make two round trips out West before settling it in six games.

Actually, the Wings should have plenty of reminders tucked away in those wise-old heads of theirs.

Eight of the last 11 times the Wings have jumped out to a 2-0 series lead in the last decade, they’ve proceeded to lose Game 3 on the road.

Icky.  Nice to read Niyo again, though. We’re proud of you, young man.  But if you start ignoring the Wings like your peers have for years now, we’ll turn on your ass too.  Just FYI.

Yeah. It’s been in the back of our minds, this 2-0 lead and how important it is for us, emotionally, that the Wings don’t let it slip away.  And we all know what has to happen tonite, weather the whole “first ten minutes of fury” thing.  Got it.  So Doan’s gonna come out all crazy like Gary just took the ball out of his mouth (haaaaaaaa….William Tell just put Vancouver up in the third.  Wonder if Chicago fans remember another huge goal he scored against baby brother? Like the OT winner in the ‘08 WCF? I do. I was there and it was glorious).  Good. Let him.  He’s so stupid that he thinks he actually intimidates the Wings. And he’s convinced his teammates and even his coach of the same thing.  Doan bag.  Run around all you want, idiot.  Last time it led to four goals. Care to try again?

Oh, and if you’re counting, the “best player in the series” has let up 14 goals over his last three playoff starts against the Wings.

Khan(!) has injury news that I’m pretty sure Malik the showoff has already brought you. But I have views.

Asked if there were any lineup changes, coach Mike Babcock said, “Not at this time.’‘

That’s in response to Franzen sitting out yesterday’s practice and Hank skating.  Anybody know how long it takes concussion symptoms to appear if they don’t show up right away? I’m no pharmacist, just wondering.  I just checked my yearbook and saw Franzen listed as “most likely to be a late scratch in Game 3”. 

Okey dokie then. Wrapping this up before my Gore goes away.  Enjoy your game day bitches.  You’re staying up late, don’t forget. Plan accordingly.

****Note. Chicago just lost. Tee ‘em up, Hawk fans.  As we said, nice season.  Last one, that is.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Absolutely, red those lil bastards out.. cry babies… “Come on guys, my mom said I can’t get wet today!”, pussies.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/17/11 at 11:43 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

It’s the Wings and no one else.  I swear to god.


Foching love it Chief, quote of the year right there…

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/17/11 at 11:47 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Well shucks. I was hoping lil brother would have some fight in them. Last thing anyone needs is an easy sweep for the Sisters out west.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 04/17/11 at 11:50 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Trust me, the Refs have the next game in the bag for the yotes.. look to see a penalty parade early against detroit giving phoenix the ball and sayin’, now you gotta keep it… watch…

And if the Wings power through it like the CHAMPIONS they are, Phoenix will get all the make-up calls they need to keep the series close and bring some revenue back to the NHL for paying the Yotes bills. 

Not good business for Lil G for a first round sweep.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/17/11 at 11:53 PM ET

Andy from FightNight's avatar

Well said Chief! So damn agreed on loving one and despising 29

Posted by Andy from FightNight on 04/18/11 at 12:02 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

(or 3, sorry Herm)

Apparently hockey almost made it in here from 1980 to 1994. So yeah, 14 years in Brazil, and 14 years in Phoenix. Sounds about right.

Estimates I’ve read approach the 30 percent number.  As in 30 percent of the crowd in The Reach Around will be Wing fans.  Hell. Yes. 

This:

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 04/18/11 at 12:06 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

lmao you nasty bastard

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/18/11 at 12:28 AM ET

Chris in Hockey Hell's avatar

“...then you’re not a Detroit fan.  Simple as that. Wear your white and make it official.  Harsh?  Too. Frigging. Bad.  You don’t lose your loyalty because you’ve moved to warmer climes.  You just don’t.  You stand your ground and wear your Winged wheel.  There’s no middle ground and it’s not 1 and 1a.  It’s the Wings and no one else.  I swear to god. It makes me snarl to even consider being a fan of any other team. I can’t imagine how it would happen. I have the Wings and 29 teams I despise.  I’m a Wing fan, bitch. That’s it and that is motherfuching all.”

This is what gets me about living down here in Tennessee. I play hockey with one of these guys. He’s from just outside of Detroit, Clarkson, I think, and he’s one of those assholes who says “I root for Detroit unless they’re playing Nashville”. There all over the place down here. It’s unfuching believeable. My dad and I always say the same thing as you, Chief….Once a Wings fan, ALWAYS a Wings fan. It’s these kind of people that get all pissy when I tell them that if it weren’t for the Saturn plant (which is what brought my family here), then all of us Wings fans wouldn’t have come here, and there would be no Nashville Predators. I will argue that point until the day I die. They can’t deny it. That’s why the attitude when I bring it up. I’m a proud transplant and that’s also why I have a huge Winged Wheel sticker on the back windshield of my truck. And you know the funny thing about that? I get more “Go Wings” down here from other transplants then “Red Wings suck!” from the bandwagon, front-runner “fans”.

Posted by Chris in Hockey Hell from Ann Arbor, MI but LIVING in Columbia, TN on 04/18/11 at 12:29 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

lmao, I don’t even get the Red Wings suck.. at least not with a straight face… one guy did at the game where Mikey Mo got his wrist slashed open with RJ’s switch blade…  I looked at the rafters and asked why they have every teams banner up.. in detroit it’s filled with division and conference championship banners… stanleys were a given… 

Then he started attacking the Octopi, told him it was a playoff tradition.. told him you gotta make the playoffs more than once to get those…

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/18/11 at 12:35 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

I’m trolling this thread HAAAAAARD.. ohhhh baby…

screw double shifts.. l.g.r.w.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/18/11 at 12:36 AM ET

TheRealYooper's avatar

thanks for the motivational talk chief.  so good to hear from you even when you are far across the seas.

maybe someday we will be able to get more from you than the onion skin letters we get now.

Posted by TheRealYooper from within sight of the edge of the Earth. on 04/18/11 at 01:07 AM ET

Riviera's avatar

I’ll be at Game 4 on Wednesday - in red. I was at Game 1 and Game 5 last year - in red. Hell, they even gave me a white shirt on the way in the door courtesy of the local grocery last year

There’s only one reason why the Dogs should stay in Phoenix and it’s so that all of us Wings fans here in the valley can watch the best damn franchise in the game at least a couple times a year.

Posted by Riviera from Phoenix on 04/18/11 at 01:20 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

lmao, I don’t even get the Red Wings suck.. at least not with a straight face

Been to more than my share of road games, so I’ll share a tactic that has proven to be pretty effective.

Next time you’re at a road game and the “Red Wings suck” chant starts up, you and whoever else you’re with just shout “champagne from the cup” every time, as if you’re finishing their sentence for them.  It’s fun and it works because any other Detroit fans sitting near you (and as we all know, there always are). will usually pick up on it pretty quickly and before you know it, your section will have totally hijacked their cute little chant which starts sounding like…

“Red Wings suck…champagne from the cup!...Red Wings suck…champagne from the cup!”...Red Wings suck…champagne from the cup!”

Drives ‘em nuts.  I’ve been at games where the locals around us got so frustrated by it that they eventually just gave up and stopped doing that silly little childish chant any more.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 04/18/11 at 03:07 AM ET

Hippy Dave's avatar

*puts beer down*

Dude, that guy actually wrote that??  Damn.  Now I just feel bad for that club and their city.

Herm - thanks for that, I’ll have nightmares tonight.

WestWing - I actually had a sharks fan throw beer on me in the tank after chanting “stanley cup” between the suck chants in ‘09.  It felt like cool air on a hot day.

Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 04/18/11 at 03:45 AM ET

NIVO's avatar

i could use one of those white shirts they hand out. Feel free to send one my way. Gotta keep the bird shit off my car this summer. Let’s Go Red Wings!

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 04/18/11 at 03:51 AM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

There’s really no easy segue from libel (or is it slander? I get confused)

It’s libel.  Slander is verbal.  That being said, you’d be protected by the satire laws.  Even if Bettman and Bickley don’t find it funny, it’s still satire because the rest of us sure friggin’ do.

But then, I’m no pharmacist.  Perhaps a lawyer (or guns or money) could help.

Eight of the last 11 times the Wings have jumped out to a 2-0 series lead in the last decade, they’ve proceeded to lose Game 3 on the road.

Come on, Niyo…how many times in that last eleven times have we won Game 4?

Genius.

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 04/18/11 at 07:30 AM ET

MarkK's avatar

Anybody know how long it takes concussion symptoms to appear if they don’t show up right away?

Immediately, hours or days, Chief.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/18/11 at 07:47 AM ET

edillac's avatar

please don’t do it in a way that would remind two (or 3, sorry Herm) countries that hockey and Phoenix are as compatible as Bettman and competence.

there are actually 4 countries in the world,there is also Europe

Posted by edillac from isolation on 04/18/11 at 07:49 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

Drives ‘em nuts.  I’ve been at games where the locals around us got so frustrated by it that they eventually just gave up and stopped doing that silly little childish chant any more.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 04/18/11 at 02:07 AM ET

That is spectacular.

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 04/18/11 at 07:51 AM ET

Osrt's avatar

there are actually 4 countries in the world,there is also Europe

Posted by edillac

Hah!

Herm, you’re a nasty motherfucher. But that’s how I picture Doan warming up for the game.

Posted by Osrt on 04/18/11 at 08:17 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 04/17/11 at 11:06 PM ET

I gotta say, Herm you are awesome. I lived in Phoenix for 13 years, and, you have managed to capture the very essence of that team and their fans.

No, I do not find the photo offensive at all. I’m jealous I didn’t think of it first.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/18/11 at 08:23 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

I never read Drew Sharp - never, never, never.

Thanks, Chief for another great post.

MAKE ‘EM SEE RED (in more ways than one).

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/18/11 at 09:44 AM ET

Primis's avatar

Awww, look.  The Lackhawks are back in Sharks Country again…

Posted by Primis on 04/18/11 at 10:48 AM ET

Primis's avatar

I can’t wait to hear the LGRW chants and see the red in Phoenix.

I hope it’s like the Tampa Bay visit all over again .

Posted by Primis on 04/18/11 at 10:49 AM ET

Avatar

Nice Article! I like it! Keep em coming!

Posted by Detroit Sports 360 from dave.d@detroitsports360.com on 04/18/11 at 11:14 AM ET

Avatar

OUr Hockey writer Glenn C would agree with ya I think! http://detroitsports360.com/2011/04/16/wings-up-2-0-phx/

Posted by Detroit Sports 360 from dave.d@detroitsports360.com on 04/18/11 at 11:15 AM ET

Trish's avatar

You don’t lose your loyalty because you’ve moved to warmer climes.  You just don’t.  You stand your ground and wear your Winged wheel.  There’s no middle ground and it’s not 1 and 1a.  It’s the Wings and no one else.  I swear to god. It makes me snarl to even consider being a fan of any other team. I can’t imagine how it would happen. I have the Wings and 29 teams I despise.  I’m a Wing fan, bitch. That’s it and that is motherfuching all.

This is me baby, no matter which fuching continent I’m on, this is me.

Posted by Trish from Tampa/Clearwater FL on 04/18/11 at 02:35 PM ET

MsRedWingFan's avatar

did ya see thew Squawks whining when ever a Nuck player touched them last night ?..  ...  gawd what a bunch of cry babies especially Taves ...  wahhhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhh

can’t tell I can’t stand the Squawks can ya?  :-D

Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan hometown of Abdelkader on 04/18/11 at 02:42 PM ET

SYF's avatar

You don’t lose your loyalty because you’ve moved to warmer climes.  You just don’t.  You stand your ground and wear your Winged wheel.  There’s no middle ground and it’s not 1 and 1a.  It’s the Wings and no one else.  I swear to god. It makes me snarl to even consider being a fan of any other team. I can’t imagine how it would happen. I have the Wings and 29 teams I despise.  I’m a Wing fan, bitch. That’s it and that is motherfuching all.

Just last month, there was a cheer squad championship at the Orleans Arena.  There had to be about 1,000 pre- and pubescent teenage girls all over the place in their squad uniforms. 

I had to meet up with the folks for dinner at around 5:30 pm at the buffet when I passed this group of girls and one of them lustily shouted, “Red Wings Suck!”  I was wearing my Yzerman whites when I heard that and I turned around and yelled right back, “We Win Cups!”

Not one word returned.  Ownage.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 04/18/11 at 02:49 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Me and my fuching manners:

Ahoy, Sailor.  Good to read your post this morning.  Will you get your ass home, soon?  Alright?  wink

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 04/18/11 at 02:51 PM ET

El Gato Pollo Loco!!!'s avatar

I find it hard to despise 29 other teams when most of those team are really just droopy-eyed horse baggers. there’s only maybe 5 teams I truly despise.

Posted by El Gato Pollo Loco!!! on 04/20/11 at 01:43 PM ET

Add a Comment

Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.

Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.

Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.

Smileys

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Feed

Most Recent Blog Posts

About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com