Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

It’s Time For The Apocalypse Again

Toothless, goofy and affable.  Violent, sadistic and a menace to all who believe in goodness.  He’s Leonard Smalls channeling Carl Panzram.  Who’s Leonard Smalls, you ask?

This is Leonard Smalls and he should look real damn familiar.

And Carl Panzram? Well, he was a born killer, a true wack job.  Read about him here if you want. This quote, though, says it all.

“I don’t believe in man, God nor Devil. I hate the whole damned human race, including myself… I preyed upon the weak, the harmless and the unsuspecting. This lesson I was taught by others : Might makes right.”

Might most certainly does make right. Oh yes it does.  And when might carries with it soft hands and a gentle touch?  Well, by god, we’ve got ourselves a situation.

Rob Discher at The Production Line brings us a ditty this morning that is just so very good.

Have you ever listened to the streets of Pamplona before they release the bulls?  You can almost hear the anxiety in the red-clad lemmings, daring for one morning to test fate, to brave the streets with a ten-ton animal bent on chaos, destruction and goring.

Have you ever put your hand on the tracks minutes before a seventy car train barrels into the crossing?  Have you felt the subtle tremble rise…and rise again…until it becomes an inescapable, wailing roar of steel wheels and smokestacks?

Have you ever danced with Todd Bertuzzi?

It gets better. You have to read that.  Go now. 

Uncle Mike said that Smalls’ last three games have been the best of his career in baby Jesus’ red and white. 

Ansar the Deep Digger

“That’s stretching it a bit.”

STFU Khan(!).  Like you know.  If Uncle Mike says it, then that’s what it is. 

“I felt like (expletive) out there for a while,” Bertuzzi said. “When you’re feeling 100 percent, you got the energy back, you got your rhythm back. It’s been a noticeable difference for me.”

Babcock threw his psycho ass out there for the opening faceoff and the boos were a crescendo.  That disappointed me a bit.  I always thought of Boston as a blue collar town that appreciated a touch of violence now and again.  Hell, look at Lucic.  But down came the boos and you could sense Bertuzzi taking a deep breath and inhaling every one of them.  Let them come.  Sing for me.  Fuching sing, bitches.

And then Bertuzzi reminded us what he can be like when healthy and when he understands that his energy needs to be channeled. 

Violently but softly.  A kindly killer.  A madman who stinks like a sewer but the guy you’d leave your kids with for a few hours while you and the wife go get some pasta. 

Bert’s a target for us. When things go wrong we pull him out of a lineup and a scapegoat he becomes. Him and the midget pimp.  The biggest and the smallest.  But it’s not Bertuzzi’s fault when he doesn’t play like he did yesterday. It’s a short circuit.  His meds weren’t mixed right.  Environmental factors conspired to move him from a realm of workable insanity to disfunction.  Finally, we have to understand that we’re not going to see a full season of brilliance. It will come in streaks and spurts (shut up).  We just have to hope the bad man is good for the games that count.

And I truly believe he has an effect on his friends.  We talk about how Datsyuk makes everyone around him better? I think the same can be said for the Killing Machine.  When he’s on, there’s room.  When he’s violent, it’s infectious. Did you see how Datsyuk handled Chara yesterday?  Oh…and speaking of Chara.  Anyone who ever placed a single vote for him over Lidstrom in any Norris voting needs therapy and soon. There is no comparison between the two.  Even at 41, Lidstrom is far and away the better player in every facet of the game. 

Back to Bert.  When he’s on, so are the Wings it seems. And that line is just good.  A mule, a disgusting killer and a magician.  Feed one, free the other and let the last one enjoy the extra space.

Bubba comes to town tonite, big fella.  Pests.  Irritants. Make them go away.  Make them sad, Bert. 

See you all for the LB. Enjoy your Saturday and, by god, Go Blue.

 

 

 

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Comments

Red Winger's avatar

Damn! I have a man-crush on Bert now.

Thanks, I think.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie, MI on 11/26/11 at 01:39 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I did quite enjoy watching Bertuzzi thread a pass right through Chara’s legs to Datsyuk for the Wings’ 2nd goal.

Dude looked like Bambi on ice when that pass ‘megged him.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/26/11 at 02:02 PM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Nothing like using a hand grenade to take out a bunny to make a point. Kinda like to have that same feeling at the end of tonight’s game. A 6-1 slaughter would be nice. Boom(!)

Have you ever danced with Todd Bertuzzi?

Well, that post right there is Pulitzer Prize material, sports fans. As Kenny Bania said to Seinfeld: “That’s gold, Jerry. Gold.”

As for yesterday’s game, the thing I found the most ironic was that everything was played at 100 mph – until Bert’s shoot-out attempt. Then, as if to let all of us savor the final moment for a little longer, he just drifted in and potted the shot like he was stopping by the goal for a friendly chat with Rask. Brilliant and hilarious.

If Robert Lang was The Enigma, what the hell is Bert? The Serial Enigma?

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 11/26/11 at 02:48 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

If Robert Lang was The Enigma, what the hell is Bert? The Serial Enigma?

Posted by OlderThanChelios on 11/26/11 at 12:48 PM ET

I think having Bert on the team is kinda like a toothy BJ.  You understand It’s gonna be uncomfortable, maybe even excruciatingly painful at times, but if you can somehow manage to get past all that, the end result can still be quite pleasant even though every time you think about it you’re likely to end up wondering just how the hell you could ever have let such a thing happen to yourself.

Standard disclaimer - The opinion(s) and content above do not necessarily reflect the views of of the ownership/management of this establishmnet, their wholly owned subsidiaries, families or friends—well, some of their friends anyway.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 11/26/11 at 03:27 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Damn! I have a man-crush on Bert now.

Thanks, I think.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 11/26/11 at 11:39 AM ET

Might wanna pass that by one Darren Helm since that fleet-footed punk has it bad for Bert.

Posted by SYF from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 11/26/11 at 03:37 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

>>>BOOM<<<

Thanks , Master Chief.
I’m ready for another “W”.

BTW - Adam Sandler ... moved up from ‘water boy’ to Head Coach at Ohio State ...
interesting.

L.G.R.W.

and, ...

GO BLUE!!!

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 11/26/11 at 03:42 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

this Leonard Smalls guy-

That’s your forte, ain’t it? Chasing down crooks and Commies and shit. That’s your whole God-damn raison d’etre, ain’t it?”.

Adam Sandler a Coach?  At Ohio State?  I always liked that Chanukah song he did.

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, fanning the flames, with rum..... on 11/26/11 at 04:04 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Referees:
Dean Morton (#36)
Dan O’Halloran (#13)<=================

Linesmen:
McElman Andy (#90)
Thor Nelson (#80)

Damn.

Posted by SYF from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 11/26/11 at 04:12 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Standard disclaimer - The opinion(s) and content above do not necessarily reflect the views of of the ownership/management of this establishmnet, their wholly owned subsidiaries, families or friends—well, some of their friends anyway.

What are you talking about?

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/26/11 at 04:23 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

And by the way, screw all of you for jinxing the basketball lockout last nite. Screw you and screw you hard.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/26/11 at 04:24 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Dear Bert,

Shall we dance?

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from the State where Tigers roam in the Spring on 11/26/11 at 04:49 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Thor Nelson (#80)

Damn.

That Thor is a Minot guy.  smile He’s alright by me.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 11/26/11 at 05:21 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

And since I was reading this while watching the Wolverines FINALLY seeming to beat Ohio State, couldn’t help but notice they played “Don’t Stop Believin” and the crowd supplying “Born and Raised in South Detroit”.  I can’t imagine how loud that was there.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 11/26/11 at 05:23 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

Thank you Brady Hoke.  Go Blue.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 11/26/11 at 05:34 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Go Blue!!!

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 11/26/11 at 05:37 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

What are you talking about?

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/26/11 at 02:23 PM ET

My attorneys have advised me to issue a “no comment” in response this.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 11/26/11 at 05:40 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Go Blue!!!

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 11/26/11 at 03:37 PM ET

I aged ten years during that football game. 

FINALLY, the curse has been broken, and Brady Hoke actually smiled.

GO BLUE!

Posted by MsRedWinger from the State where Tigers roam in the Spring on 11/26/11 at 05:46 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Re: Michigan vs ohio state

Our long nightmare is over.  I still can’t believe they took that last Michigan TD off the board.  One replay angle appears inconclusive, the other seems to show the ball crossing the plane before the runner’s knee is down.  Did they call Toronto for that one?  I thought only the NHL overturned calls without any real conclusive evidence.  Oh well.  Whatever.  The curse is broken!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 11/26/11 at 05:55 PM ET

monkey's avatar

  Referees:
  Dean Morton (#36)
  Dan O’Halloran (#13)<=================

  Linesmen:
  McElman Andy (#90)
  Thor Nelson (#80)

Dean Morton played one game in the NHL, with the Red Wings, and scored one goal.  He is one of three NHL players who scored a goal in their only game.

Posted by monkey from Prague on 11/26/11 at 06:39 PM ET

SYF's avatar

That Thor is a Minot guy.  He’s alright by me.

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 11/26/11 at 03:21 PM ET

Odin’s beard!

Posted by SYF from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 11/26/11 at 06:43 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/26/11 at 02:24 PM ET

Oh yeah?  *#$%@& you with a shovel, buddy.

Posted by monkey from Prague on 11/26/11 at 06:45 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

Well you were drinking mamosas yesterday so don’t blame it on the chief

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 11/26/11 at 11:57 AM ET

Cheap shot. My daughter, home from college, made one for me. Was I going to say no???

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie, MI on 11/26/11 at 06:58 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Chief did his job with the epic post.

Big Blue did their job today, finally.

Here is looking at you, Wings.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 11/26/11 at 07:06 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Who would ever say no to champagne and orange juice?  Sounds like breakfast to me.

Posted by monkey from Prague on 11/26/11 at 07:25 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Mmmmmmmmmm…breakfast.

Posted by SYF from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 11/26/11 at 07:31 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

And by the way, screw all of you for jinxing the basketball lockout last nite. Screw you and screw you hard.

What?  Are you telling me there was a basketball lockout?

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 11/26/11 at 07:34 PM ET

dougie's avatar

Mmmmmmmmmm…breakfast.

I dig the Guinness and Oreos, but tomatoes? No way there should ever be a vegetable
(or fruit, it you insist)  on a proper breakfast plate.

Garnish, right?  You didn’t actually eat ‘em, did you?:-)

Posted by dougie on 11/26/11 at 07:49 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Wild Turkey and Eggnog mmmm mmmm good.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 11/26/11 at 07:53 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I dig the Guinness and Oreos, but tomatoes? No way there should ever be a vegetable
(or fruit, it you insist)  on a proper breakfast plate.

Garnish, right?  You didn’t actually eat ‘em, did you?:-)

Posted by dougie on 11/26/11 at 05:49 PM ET

Ah shut it.  I’m currently digesting that wonderful splattering of high-cholesterol, artery-clogging Irish goodness.

Posted by SYF from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 11/26/11 at 08:03 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com