Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

I Owe You An Apology For Last Night’s Column:  Here It Is

To our readers: I made an assumption in a column last night. It was a bad move. In a column written Tuesday for our Wednesday Shanahan Summit coverage, I assumed that what I had been told by Tim Kennedy and Justin Abdelkader had indeed happened, that they had indeed flown to Shanny’s Jig, and sat in the stands together rooting on the prospects playing in the camp. That was their plan. Both told me so in separate interviews. Because the column had to be filed on Tuesday afternoon, but appeared Wednesday night, I wrote it in the past tense, as if it already had happened.

While it was hardly the thrust of the column - which was about nostalgia and college athletes - it was wrong just the same. You can’t write that something happened that didn’t, even if it’s just who sat in the stands. Perhaps, it seems a small detail to you - the players still love their teams, they are still nostalgic, they simply decided not to go after the column had been filed - but details are the backbone of faux journalism, and planning to be somewhere is not the same as being there.

So I owe you and Kukla’s Korner an apology, and you have it right here. It wasn’t thorough faux journalism. While our deadlines would have required some weird writing - something like, “By the time you read this, if Tim and Justin stuck to their plans, and I wasn’t a complete fauxing douche-bag, they would have sat in the stands for Saturday’s game”- it should have been done. We have high standards at this blog, and I have high standards for myself. We - the editors and I - got caught in an assumption that shouldn’t have happened. It won’t again. Thanks.  Bitches.

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In case you didn’t understand this is satire, please read this and then this

I predict a Red Smith Award coming my way.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

Avatar

Book idea: The five bitches you meet in Woodhaven.

Posted by HockeyinHD on 08/19/10 at 07:13 PM ET

Andy from FightNight's avatar

hahaha oh wow… Well played Voox

Posted by Andy from FightNight on 08/19/10 at 07:17 PM ET

Andy from FightNight's avatar

And I must say, I was wondering, seeing as I know Abbie did a Skate with the pros thing at MSU yesterday

Posted by Andy from FightNight on 08/19/10 at 07:17 PM ET

YzermanZetterberg's avatar

And I must say, I was wondering, seeing as I know Abbie did a Skate with the pros thing at MSU yesterday

Posted by Andy from FightNight on 08/19/10 at 05:17 PM ET

Have to admit the same thought crossed my (very tiny) mind.

Well played indeed.

Now…I demand a faux resignation!    LOL

Posted by YzermanZetterberg on 08/19/10 at 07:35 PM ET

YzermanZetterberg's avatar

Ya know, the more I think about it, a real faux journalist wouldn’t have bothered even making the trip down to the rink two days in a row. He probably would have written up all of this stuff from the comfort of his own couch…or maybe even gotten someone else to write it up for him…

I’m just sayin’...

wink

Posted by YzermanZetterberg on 08/19/10 at 07:45 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I quit reading the DG since like forever now. 

Man, we’re gonna be talking about this for years.  An Irish Car Bomb, VooX.  Well-played.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 08/19/10 at 07:52 PM ET

Avatar

Voox, no news to A2Yers I’m sure, but you’re not just a generic, run-of-the-mill bitch. You are a BITCH.

Awesome.

Posted by nashwillo on 08/19/10 at 08:01 PM ET

Nathan's avatar

Book idea: The five bitches you meet in Woodhaven.

Posted by HockeyinHD on 08/19/10 at 05:13 PM ET

Nice.

Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 08/19/10 at 08:04 PM ET

Down River Dan's avatar

Ha Ha Ha ....Classic .......I can almost hear the delicate genius speaking those very words.

Is mitch still paid by the free press for writing about sports???

Posted by Down River Dan on 08/19/10 at 08:12 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 08/19/10 at 08:15 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Albom! I called it!

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/19/10 at 08:25 PM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

We - the editors and I - got caught in an assumption that shouldn’t have happened.

But you didn’t say that report was a (v5), so what the hell. The Wedding Singer makes up garbage and gets paid for it. You made up some really cool stuff for nothing. It’s what fans – and all real people – do every day.

No harm. No foul, I say.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 08/19/10 at 08:26 PM ET

Wings_Fan_In_KC's avatar

Delicate Genuis Faux Pas Reference Joke From Five Years Ago.

Wow.

Just, wow.

Posted by Wings_Fan_In_KC from ...somewhere southwest of The Motor City... on 08/19/10 at 08:32 PM ET

VooX's avatar

I’ve always wanted to troll A2Y.

Sorry to Malik and Nightmare on Helm Street who picked up on my original story.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 08/19/10 at 08:32 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Posted by OlderThanChelios on 08/19/10 at 06:26 PM ET

OTC, my interviews and experiences at the camp are real.  Except for the Abdelkader and Kennedy article.  If you follow the links in my post above, it will all be cleared up.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 08/19/10 at 08:36 PM ET

FranzensMouthguard's avatar

Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 08/19/10 at 08:37 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Oh, what the fuch…

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/19/10 at 09:23 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Wow, and I thought I couldn’t have cared less about the DG, but I do now, and I feel good about it.  Thanks.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 08/19/10 at 10:39 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Ahhh.  So now the random, multiple references to Kennedy as “Cleaves” makes sense I guess.

Posted by Primis on 08/19/10 at 11:55 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Kudos Vooxie. You have done a great job at Shanny’s JIg from the 19’s perspective.I sure hope your faux DG ism is not sincere flattery for that Richard crainium.
After reading your last thread, I will most definitely filter out Puck Daddy the 1st day that becomes available. When ever I read that douchnozzle, I hear the voice of a pompous Charles Emerson Winchester providing the narration.That jackass’s picture in his column does a great disservice to us cigar smokers.

That proposed rule for the delayed penalty would be great for the Wings. Just imagine. If we were down 1 man and another was in process of being called, we could just rag the puck in our zone until the 1st penalty was expired. It woud be great for those shark games.

Also great to have George here full time at the Emperor .

Now Vooxie, pour me a sufferin bastard. That’s what a southern summer makes you feel until October gets here.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 08/20/10 at 12:04 AM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

OTC, my interviews and experiences at the camp are real.  Except for the Abdelkader and Kennedy article.

And that’s all I was referring to, Voox. I know everything else you reported was 100% accurate – except, of course, for the weird comments you made about Lil’ Gary being “intelligent.” You made that stuff up too, right? smile

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 08/20/10 at 01:29 AM ET

pgoody's avatar

Hey NHL before you start coming up with new rules try actually enforcing the ones that you have in place now…

How about we get rid of the official who drops the puck, just have it shoot out of the faceoff dot bouncing betty style, you Nam vets know what I mean…

Or, how about a running clock, a la, soccer style… no commercials, no stoppages, just hockey, no more staying up in until 1AM for west coast games…

Posted by pgoody on 08/20/10 at 01:51 AM ET

jman077's avatar

Holy shit.

That was awesome.

Posted by jman077 from North Detrooooit on 08/20/10 at 02:40 AM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

VooX, man, just…wow.  That was better than any April Fools’ Day prank.  You are my new hero.  And that hack who says you’re just a ripoff of the Chief?  Whither be thou now, Link Gaetz?

Does anyone know Mitch’s email address?  I want to see him weep like a little girl.

(And in answer to the question on the update on the previous post; no, I didn’t notice.  Suspect that only Puck Douchey did, but the man’s gotta protect his oh-so-precious content…)

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/20/10 at 02:51 AM ET

Sullyosis's avatar

you Nam vets know what I mean… Posted by pgoody on 08/19/10 at 11:51 PM

Hahah!  Too soon?  You know what I realised when I watched the Vietnam episode of Top Gear?  2 things:  We still don’t admit defeat and we’re still not over it.  Which is contradictory, because if you don’t admit defeat, you have nothing to be “not over” about.

Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 08/20/10 at 03:20 AM ET

Alzy's avatar

God damn. Well played bartender, well played.

But actually reading that Albom did that for real makes me think even less of him than I already do. The one thing you need to protect as a journalist (or at least what I’ve been taught in school) is your credibility. I can’t believe he actually published a story just because he had a hunch it would transpire in time. That’s just plain fuching stupid. Why he’s still employed is an even bigger mindfuch.

Posted by Alzy from Cambridge, Ontario, Canada on 08/20/10 at 05:14 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Ahhh.  So now the random, multiple references to Kennedy as “Cleaves” makes sense I guess.
Posted by Primis on 08/19/10 at 09:55 PM ET

There was one instance of the name I missed deleting, you caught it and I quietly changed it.  Thanks for the heads-up, though.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 08/20/10 at 08:36 AM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

Why he’s still employed is an even bigger mindfuch.

Apparently the FOUR editors who all passed that column of their own volition knowing that it was false are no longer under the gainful employ of the Freep.  Yet how the DG escaped the reaper’s scythe, he probably has a yo-yo-ing black talk-show host guardian angel…

I’m going on vacation for a couple of weeks.  Turckey-hunting in Scotland—I hear he makes his own yellow gravy—then some time in Italy’s well-hidden hockey country to scout their preseason for the next Lucio Topatigh, or maybe an enforcer who looks good in a fedora and can put a horse’s head into Jordin Tootoo’s bed.  While I’m away, I’ll be watching you all, so leave the Hasek in its pristine offseason condition and don’t sign anybody I wouldn’t sign (er, speaking of sons of Italy, maybe too late on that last point).

VooX, keep up the damn good work.  Catch you all later.

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/20/10 at 10:54 AM ET

Cwix's avatar

aLOL

Posted by Cwix from Grand Rapids, now Chicago, IL on 08/20/10 at 11:02 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

“Cleaves”
Posted by Primis on 08/19/10 at 09:55 PM ET

What a Baller.
In football I’m not much of an MSU fan, but there have been some epic roundballers there.  Growing up near Flint I was especially proud of those guys.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 08/20/10 at 11:10 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

nothing new, the redolence of sarcasm is a staple in A2Y.

Posted by Rdwings28 on 08/20/10 at 11:16 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Puck Daddy. That jackass’s picture in his column does a great disservice to us cigar smokers.
Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 08/19/10 at 10:04 PM ET

Truly.  That is why George’s column was the first, and last, bit I ever read there.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 08/20/10 at 12:55 PM ET

Hippy Dave's avatar

VooX, you dog you!

Hahaaaah!

Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 08/20/10 at 02:53 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

a fauxing mazing.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 08/20/10 at 03:17 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Well played!

Voox Albom….can a book be far behind?

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, hanging with Dan Cleary.... on 08/20/10 at 04:04 PM ET

awould's avatar

I admit I didn’t get it the first time around. And I’d recently read about Albom’s “mistake” via a link from MGOBLOG.com (greatest UM football blog out there).

The original article annoyed me and I mentally impugned Voox for writing such a lame thing. Now I get it and I apologize. Well done.

Posted by awould on 08/20/10 at 04:54 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com