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Abel to Yzerman

Helene’s Got A New BFF And His Name’s Asdfasdf

Herm made a funny. Go to the second page of comments in Voox’ latest manifesto and you’ll see that our South American little buddy noticed a ditty around 10pm last night and tracked it like a bird dog.  Helene St. James was just too excited to do her damn job.  And here’s how trouble starts when a Deep Digger is given the keys to the kingdom, blogging rights without editor or filter.

image

The lone headline stayed up there solo for about thirty minutes until St. James stopped hyperventilating and figured out how to work the Freep management console.  And when she finally broke the big one?  Standard Helene…LOLing with her new BFF at commercial breaks of Real Housewives of New Jersey and everything got crazy.  Kim G was stalking Danielle and then the former #9 couldn’t contain herself any longer. 

Freep story with real words and everything

Mike Modano will join the Red Wings, the Free Press has learned. “Big announcement Thursday,” Modano sent in a text Monday.

Oh the drama.

Is it interesting? Yes.  Will he improve the team in the short-term? Yes. The power play, the world’s best already, will be even better.  We’ve been over this and over it.  Welcome aboard Mike.  Welcome to Hockeytown.  But Mike?

You’re still a waffling little bitch and you’re going to have to prove me wrong on that one.  You’re our new Enigma

After a month of BS that started with this outright lie, “The sooner the better,” Modano said of his decision. “I know they would love to get an answer so they can get their cap and their roster situated. I don’t want to delay this,” Willa finally made up her mind.  Mike Modano’s coming “home”, after two decades of getting his ass absolutely handed to him by hockey’s best franchise, he’s apparently decided one more run at the Cup (and look out, it might be more…I’m just sayin’) is in his best interests.  Is it in the Wings’?  All I know is this…Detroit proved after Baby Jesus kicked us in the sack last year with more injuries than any team in professional sports has ever suffered, ever, in history, dating back to like 1878 or something, that with all cylinders firing, no team in the league was or is as potent.

And now we’ve added a midget pimp who will pot us 30 and an aging soap opera star who’s gonna add 20 more.  Stay healthy boys, because daddy’s got another present for you.  Ready? 

Chicago Tribune

Turco arrives so excited about the chance that he phoned in from a vacation in Scotland to share his glee in a teleconference, possibly over a pint of lager.

Keep drinking Marty.  ‘cause you know what’s coming bitch.  As if the Hawks hadn’t lost enough already.  If they hadn’t sealed their second place Central fate, or even third?  They go and sign the one guy the Wings have ball-gagged consistently for a decade.  Thank you baby Jesus.  Thank you.  You may have giggled when you boned us last year, but this is rich payback indeed.

It’s not so much that the Hawks lost Niemi.  He was never that good.  That team, last season’s Hawk team, was damn good.  But that team, last season’s Hawk team, is done and that’s not even worthy of argument. It just is.  One-tricked and out.  That team, as the Trib article points out, was Bowman-built to protect a mediocre tender.  They did and they won.

Now a mediocre team is going to have to protect a mediocre goalie who bathes in urine at the mere mention of Joe Louis Arena.  Awesome.

Suck it Marty.  You’re used to it.  Oh and to make matters worse, I wonder if the Wings can get a hold of someone who may know a thing or two about Turco’s weak spots?  Woops. 

Interesting.  Turco’s pounding pints and getting all excited in Scotland.  Guess where Willa is too, according to Khan(!)?....“Modano will return home Wednesday from a golfing trip to Scotland.” 

Yesterday, the 14th at St. Andrews….ready?

Turco, hanging up cell phone…“Awwwwwwwww SHIT!  Guess who’s playing for the Cup champs BABY?”

Modano, laughing, picking up cell phone…“Kenny…yeah, I’m in.”

Is it June yet? 

 

 

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Comments

Paul's avatar

Ummm… (Willie) Mitchell, who has been symptom free while training and skating hard for the better part of three weeks, has upwards of 12 teams interested in his services.

The Port McNeill, B.C., native has narrowed it down to four teams including the Canucks; the other teams are believed to be the Red Wings, Sharks and Capitals.

-Sportsnet

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 08/03/10 at 09:40 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Paul, you know we can’t afford that big bastard.  Cut it out.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 08/03/10 at 09:47 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Now a mediocre team is going to have to protect a mediocre goalie who bathes in urine at the mere mention of Joe Louis Arena.  Awesome.

Awesome, indeed, Chief.  Nice recap. 

Everyone questions how much the youngsters’ (Helm, Home Keys, Eaves, Miller, etc.) ice-time will be negatively affected by Choppa Willa’s 3rd line role.  The way I see it, bench the Unabomber the instant he starts playing lazy/stupid. 

Including the Unabomber in the press box rotation will give the youngsters hope that good play will secure them ice-time.

In Tick-Tock and Uncle Mike we trust.

Staying warm, Raspberry?

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 08/03/10 at 10:00 AM ET

Nathan's avatar

It’s not so much that the Hawks lost Niemi.  He was never that good.

Thank you. It’s funny how the press has been acting like this is Patrick Roy. I’m not saying he won’t turn out to be a great NHL goalie, but he’s basically being judged on 22 games, most of which he played no better than average, and a few of which where he was excellent.

Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 08/03/10 at 10:08 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

It should take me less time to make peace with this decision than it took Modano to make it.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/03/10 at 10:10 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

I became Anti-Modano (or Nodano, according to Andy) just yesterday morning, wrote a 900-word post on how I don’t want him on my team and he’s the NHL Favre and/or LeBron. I thinking he was waiting for me, just to make me look bad.

In short, I don’t like him, but he’ll have plenty of chances to change my mind (until October 29th, that is), and I admit he’ll be useful when Franzén, Holmstrom and hopefully the Tuzzi have their annual injuries.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/03/10 at 10:14 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

God bless it, two more friggin’ months to go. This is starting to hurt more than usual. I have to predict Smarty Turk will be coming down with the flu the week the Hawks come to the D. How odd this year we will done with the Avs by mid January. Remember how all four meetings took place after Feb 1st for several years. Another rival bites the dust, RIP Havalunch. Chicago, you’re next…...

Posted by Rdwings28 on 08/03/10 at 10:23 AM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

when Franzén, Holmstrom and hopefully the Tuzzi have their annual injuries.

Whore mouth.  Must shut it.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 08/03/10 at 10:24 AM ET

VooX's avatar

4:30 in the morning you were up to post this.  What’s up with that, Chief?

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 08/03/10 at 10:24 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Whore mouth.  Must shut it.

Haha, 10 days for the Mule and Homer, three weeks for Tuzzi.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/03/10 at 10:28 AM ET

Chris from NOHS's avatar

Herm, don’t put that Evil on the Tuzzi.

Posted by Chris from NOHS from Columbus, OH/Grand Rapids, MI on 08/03/10 at 10:36 AM ET

Andy from FightNight's avatar

I am Prodano!

Posted by Andy from FightNight on 08/03/10 at 10:39 AM ET

D4LRob's avatar

“Big announcement Thursday,” Modano sent in a text Monday.

You know what that means…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmIhy3KC_mo

Posted by D4LRob on 08/03/10 at 10:57 AM ET

Aphaea's avatar

Now a mediocre team is going to have to protect a mediocre goalie who bathes in urine at the mere mention of Joe Louis Arena.

I admit that I giggled like a schoolgirl when I read the news. Actually, I think my feelings are close to what Gabriel once said: That statement needs a fat man and a tree, ‘cause it feels like Christmas every time I read it.

Posted by Aphaea on 08/03/10 at 11:42 AM ET

Osrt's avatar

Hey, how ‘bout we not fuch ourselves in the face by predicting injuries or that chompers will turn out like Enigma?

Posted by Osrt on 08/03/10 at 11:48 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Hey, how ‘bout we not fuch ourselves in the face by predicting injuries or that chompers will turn out like Enigma?

Posted by Osrt on 08/03/10 at 09:48 AM ET

Sour news Jack. He’s already like Enigma. The hair, the apathy, the mystery as to what he’s going to bring.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 08/03/10 at 11:51 AM ET

edillac's avatar

he will retire?
yes?

Posted by edillac from isolation on 08/03/10 at 11:53 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Does Enigma have a hot sl…er…wife?

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 08/03/10 at 11:54 AM ET

Keyser S.'s avatar

I don’t know what Jason Modano would add to this team. We already have two scoring lines, maybe three. Mike Williams is not what we need right now. We need a grinder type like Abdelkader, Helm, etc. I think Jason Williams is just too soft and not what we need on this team right now. I know a lot of folk remember the Jason Modano from years ago and how good he was, but Mike Williams is not the same player he used to be.

Posted by Keyser S. on 08/03/10 at 12:05 PM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

The Port McNeill, B.C., native has narrowed it down to four teams including the Canucks; the other teams are believed to be the Red Wings, Sharks and Capitals.

Screw Willa’s Wife.  I want my Willie.  If we get him, I’ll call him Kinmont Willie because this whole thing started out in Scotland, apparently.  And if Mikey Mo and/or Turckey are still there by the time I’m up there in a few weeks, I’ll find ‘em and try to reason with ‘em.  Or beat them.  Whatever works.

Still don’t like it, but as Chief said, with our biggest rival for the Central having Turckey as their starter, I’m feeling a little better about inking Modano.  He’d be easier to sign than Mitchell, even if he does hurt our long-term development while bringing short-term gain.

But I don’t feel one iota better about his waffling and his big frickin’ bass mouth.  Hopefully the best locker-room presences in the business can show him how it’s done.

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/03/10 at 01:02 PM ET

Nathan's avatar

I don’t know what Jason Modano would add to this team. We already have two scoring lines, maybe three.

Adding Modano makes it “definitely three” instead of “maybe three.” And that’s usually the difference between decent teams that make the playoffs and really good ones that win in the playoffs.

Nobody thinks he’s a 90 point player, or even a 70 point player. But a 15-35-50 player in fewer than 15 minutes per game, with the speed, experience, hands, and creativity to enable to his linemates to return to their 20+ goal form? Yes, that’s exactly what I expect from him, and I’ll be sorely disappointed if he doesn’t deliver.

I love Abdelkader, and he has a great future with this team, but he’s not ready to have a 50 point season, even if you play him alongside the circus. He is, however, going to be very effective if he spends 10 minutes per game running the opposition D. If you get 10 goals a piece out of him, Helm, and Eaves, you’ve got a stellar fourth line, one that looks a lot like what made the Wings so good in ‘97 and ‘98.

It’s not just about Modano being effective as the third line center, it’s also about how much better that makes the fourth line. And with the injuries from last season, we need that depth, and we need to take minutes off of Pav, Z, and Mule.

Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 08/03/10 at 01:14 PM ET

Avatar

Adding Modano makes it “definitely three” instead of “maybe three.”

How so?  He’s a rapidly declining player who may end up being a detriment playing with two younger, faster, energetic players.  He doesn’t solidify anything.

Posted by Garth on 08/03/10 at 01:25 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Turco’s in Chitown, Modo’s coming to Detroit, Chief’s up a 4:30 AM, Andrew’s wants his Willie (?) and somebodies quoting Gabe…..yes, Gabe.

Waiter!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the prospect shuffle.... on 08/03/10 at 01:54 PM ET

perfection's avatar

seriously… comparing Modano and Jason Williams? yeah, he’s old and he “waffled” too long for you bored mofos, but this dude is a Hall of Famer. Sorry, Jason Williams isn’t quite in the same league. The Wings are about to put a Hall of Famer at 3RD LINE center!! Once you all digest that I think you will realize what a coup this has turned out to be. While the Hawks disassemble, the Wings continuously grow stronger.

It appears we will have to trade Ritola now. I personally think Draper should be the one shown the door… but only because of age. Modano more than makes up for the leadership and experience, while Miller, Eaves, and Helmer have rendered Draper’s declining skills obsolete. Don’t get me wrong, I love Drapes and I’m all for Red Wings loyalty, but to get rid of a prospect (Ritola) all for one last year of a 40 year old sitting in the press box… well, it doesn’t seem worth it to me. I think the timing is perfect and Maltby and Draper should go start a restaurant with D-Mac across from Cheli’s called “The Grind Line” and let the younger guys step in. You have a 4th line competition between Helm, Abbie, Eaves, Miller, and Draper (you can throw Ritola and Downey in there for now as well). Talk about ROLLIN 4 lines. Deepest team in the league. By far.

Posted by perfection from LaLaLand on 08/03/10 at 02:59 PM ET

Avatar

but this dude is a Hall of Famer.

Of course he is.  Based on his ENTIRE career.  Not based on the Mike Modano we would be getting (*sigh*  ...WILL be getting).

I love Drapes too, but his position has been filled and, in fact, fill by two guys (Eaves and Miller) who combine to make less than Draper.

They won’t trade him though.  Come next summer they won’t sign him, but they won’t trade him.  Especially after already showing one longtime Red Wing the door this year (and if you think Maltby’s coming back, you need to get your head checked).

Unless, maybe Steve Yzerman needs a 4th line centre with some leadership?

I’m wondering if they take a really late pick for Ritola or if they try to send him to the minors and keep him around…  I’d have to pick Miller over Ritola right now, in the hopes that Miller will re-sign next year…

Posted by Garth on 08/03/10 at 03:58 PM ET

calquake's avatar

If I were Stevie Y I’d certainly look at having Draper and/or Maltby on my team… but only if the asking price (couple of 6th rounders or 5th and a 7th) is right.  They may no longer be the 19’s cup of tea but they are NHL worthy.

Posted by calquake on 08/03/10 at 04:34 PM ET

D4LRob's avatar

I’m wondering if they take a really late pick for Ritola or if they try to send him to the minors and keep him around…

Ritola’s on a two-way contract this year if my memory serves me correctly.

Posted by D4LRob on 08/03/10 at 05:41 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com