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Abel to Yzerman

H2H: Time For Some News And To Pay Your Money

Herm 2 Hockeytown is being called the greatest thing the internet has ever given mankind.  Admittedly only I say that, but I’m hoping it will catch on.

There are some pressing matters to attend to regarding Herm 2 Hockeytown, and even a shocking development that the interns have uncovered.

I have received an email from Jennyquarx requesting for everyone who hasn’t paid for their tickets to do so ASAP.  She has gone out of her way to make a sizable deposit for you bitches, do the right thing and send her money for the tickets you have requested.  She can only hold onto them for a few days longer take care of your payment if you haven’t already.  If you have already paid up, thanks so much.

Here is the email I received on the weekend from Jennyquarx that has the details,

Important: There is only one more week for people to pay me for game tickets.  I have a few stragglers and I just cannot front the money to people, this needs to get done.  They can still get tickets on their own from Ryan Michaels after that time, but I cannot extend the deadline any further. Hockeytown Cafe payment is needed by March 5.  Logistically I simply cannot let this go longer than these deadlines, I have too many people to collect for and these places need to get paid.  Tell them they don’t want to not be at Hockeytown Cafe as that is where the penalty box seats prize drawing will be held!! 
Donations can still be made here

Everyone has until this weekend to settle up with Jen.  Otherwise your tickets will be sent back to the Red Wings and you are on your own to get seats in our area.  And as mentioned, if you want to go to Hockeytown Cafe and be part of the drawing for penalty box seats, payment also needs to be sent.

.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Onwards, with the Olympic break at hand the high-paid interns at A2Y thought they would get a couple weeks off for relaxation and team building.  No chance.  Being the ruthless sweatshop owner that I am, I had them hard at work and they have uncovered a discovery which has shocked me.

As English is the language of choice here at A2Y, admittedly my Canadianese is indecipherable to some, we are all confused about the pronunciation of Guilherme’s name.  The closest approximation we could come up with is “Herm”.

It turns out this word was used by the ancient Greeks, and according to our (crack) smoking team of interns this is what a herm is:

Shocking.  Wikipedia describes a Herm:

A herma, herm or herme is a sculpture with a head, and perhaps a torso, above a plain, usually squared lower section, on which male genitals may also be carved at the appropriate height…

...In ancient Greece the statues functioned as a form of apotropaic and were placed at crossings, country borders and boundaries as protection. Before his role as protector of merchants and travelers, Hermes was a phallic god, associated with fertility, luck, roads and borders. His name comes from the word herma (plural hermai) referring to a square or rectangular pillar of stone, terracotta, or bronze; a bust of Hermes’ head, usually with a beard, sat on the top of the pillar, and male genitals adorned the base. The hermai were used as boundary markers on roads and borders. In Athens, they were placed outside houses as apotropes for good luck. [The male genitals would be rubbed or anointed with olive oil to obtain luck].

Shocking stuff, and knowing how excited the A2Y ladies get at the sight of male genitals (check out this LB for proof), there is a serious concern that Guilherme will be molested at H2H by grrrls trying to rub olive oil on his genitals.  And from now on the name Herm will be associated in my mind with a phallic statue.  While it is too late to change all the places the Herm name appears, I plan to commit to personal change for the sake of my sanity.  And I can change.  Unless you ask my ex-girlfriends who will say I am a horrible person incapable of change.

So Guilherme, referring to Greek myth once again, I will start calling you Hermes.

In Greek mythology Hermes, called Mercury in Roman myth, is the Olympian who is the Messenger of the Gods.  Noted as being both swift and cunning, he is the patron of boundaries and of the travelers who cross them, of shepherds and cowherds, of thieves and road travelers, of orators and wit, of literature and poets, of athletics, of weights and measures, of invention, of general commerce, and of the cunning of thieves and liars (according to Wikipedia).

Hermes is often depicted as a young man with boyish looks.  He often carries a caduceus (or Herald’s Staff) and wears Winged Boots/Sandles and a Winged Traveler’s Hat (called a petasus).

He also reminds me of what Darren Helm looked like before he descended from heaven and onto our roster.

While the name Herm is completely acceptable, please understand from now own I will refer to Guilherme as Hermes.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com

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