Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 12/23/08 at 10:02 AM ET
The DRPBs are lining up to provide treatment for Chris Osgood’s groin and the Triple Bravos are evolving. We’ve added a B.
It’s crazy, I know. We’ll explain below!
The interns are vigorously seeking confirmation on this, but apparently the Hahn Communications team is on the verge of unveiling a new marketing ploy directed at the Downriver Puck Bunnies (DRPB). It’s a new contest, sure to catch on with a specific demographic. “Ozzie’s Groin Is In Trouble: Fix It.” According to “sources”, Wing Comms staffers plan to descend on bars in Wyandotte, Grosse Isle, Romulus and Taylor around 12:55 AM early Friday morning in search of contestants. Any and all manner of treatment will be considered and details are “to follow.” Needless to say, we’ll be following this story.
Why? Because the groin thing’s not going away. McCarty? It’s been a struggle for the Wings without him, but somehow they’ve muddled through. No word on when he’ll be back. Osgood? An issue.
Osgood plans to test himself this morning during his first practice in more than a week, when the Wings prepare for their evening match against St. Louis at Joe Louis Arena.
“If I can go through the whole practice and take shots, then I’ll be back,” Osgood said Monday. “If not, then I’ll have to go on IR (injured reserve). I just want to make sure I’m 100% healthy; I don’t want to be out for two months like some guys have been this year.”
So Ozzie’s going balls to the wall during practice and if nothing hurts, he’s golden like Pony Boy. Achy? Uh oh. To the shelf he goes, and he’s taking his 1.7 with him.
And there’s, ahem, the rub. I don’t know how much the Wings would actually save if Osgood goes IR—because of how salaries are prorated and all that as the season goes along. But here’s the question: would it be better—financially—for the Wings if Osgood actually took a prolonged rest right now? And, if so, who comes up? Howard or Larsson? These are not theoretical questions. I expect answers.
To help you decide: Larsson’s started 16 games in Grand Rapids. He’s won 10, with a save percentage of .913 and GAA at 2.58. Howard’s started 17, won 7, a save percentage of .900 and a GAA of 2.68. Larsson’s coming off a 38 save shutout.
Back to Osgood. This is an issue. The longer he’s out, the less time he has to get ready for serious business in April. And maybe more than any year in the history of his life (Rocky II), Chris Osgood needs to mend his groin, his head, his ways. Because he has flat-out sucked this year. Oh. I know. Blame the defense, goaltender apologists. Have at it. Yes, scoring chances are up and the D has been shoddy. But at some point somebody needs to steal something and that hasn’t happened. Not once. Not one game. Not one period. Our goaltenders are earning their salaries.
Despite that suckiness, Osgood’s earmarked as the starter in the playoffs. There will be no deadline deal for a goalie. There is no money to fiddle with and Osgood’s exprience guarantee’s him the number 1 job if he’s healthy. There is no cavalry, not this year. It’s Osgood or Conklin.
Oh, and I know you’re keeping any eye on this little ditty too.
Marian Hossa, who has been dealing with a sore groin, left the ice early but said it was just precautionary. “I just didn’t want to do the stops and starts, basically,” he said. “You have to be smart about it.”
Meanwhile, in St. Lose where the bitterness runs deep…things are not going well. Big boy and little Paulie and the Unstable one in net, oh dear. You recall yesterday when Andy Murray opened his arms to his team, cradled each of them to his bosom, then threw every one of those bastards right under the bus? Most likely earned. But, in between bites, Keith Tkachuk took deep offense. Because Keith, who’s never won a damn thing anywhere he’s been, has branded himself a leader of men. A leader who doesn’t like it when his coach says mean things. So we add a “B”, the Brittle Bitter Bitch Blues.
Murray’s comments, however, drew the ire of Tkachuk, who said after the game: “The last time I checked, we’re all in this together. We’ve got a young team. It’s easy to put the blame on each other. I don’t need the coach to tell me through the media, or any other player through the media … if that’s what he’s searching for, it’s a very young and fragile team to be doing that right now in the middle of the season.”
And Van Dyke’s standing by his words.
“There’s a difference between being demanding and being demeaning. I don’t consider those comments to be demeaning. I think they were somewhat demanding in the sense that we need more. They weren’t demeaning. I don’t think I’ll ever cross the line that way.”
Well, hopefully you’ll have reason to around 10pm EST tonite Dick. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang bitch. Both barrels.
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