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Abel to Yzerman

Awww….SBN Gave Me A Birthday Present

Well, well.  Lookee here.  It would appear that the subject of blogger access is a touchy one in Minnesota.  Why do I care about that?  I don’t.  I don’t care if a single blogger in Minneapolis or Duluth or Fargo or wherever the Wild play ever gets to go into a locker room and pretend they’re Michael Russo.  But a little fella up north seems to believe that I’m personally keeping him out of the Wild room. 

Buddha at Hockey Wilderness

“Writers” like IwoCPO (see what I did there, with the quotes?) are the example NHL teams point to when they refuse to credential bloggers. Bloggers such as him (her?) serve as the antithesis of what most bloggers are, which is fans who have some semblance of objectivity.

It’s starting to look a lot like Christmas.



Quite the quandary, eh?  What to do, what to do.  Take the high road?  Yes, I’m sure that’s the right thing to do. I’m sure that’s the mature approach.

And so I’ve decided to avoid that.  Paul?  I’m afraid I’m at it again.

And away we go.  “Buddha”, the blogger in question, is not happy with me and you.  Not. Happy. At all. He’s offended by our bias, offended by my grammar…specifically my selective capitalization and use of question marks.  It literally offends him, or so he says.  Because if you look at him, you can tell that when he’s in front of his AP English class and he’s going all Milton and shit on them? No doubt who the lit expert is.  Here’s the professor himself.

image  Feel free to cursor back up and reference the Professor’s image as we dissect the concerns he has with me, you and A2Y.

The main poster at From Abel to Yzerman, IwoCPO, is truly the most homerific of all homerific bloggers I have ever read. Is there anything wrong with that? Nah, as long as the reader understands that and takes every word written there with that information in hand.

With that hat and that pinky, you’re calling me homerific?  Ohhh….homer. Not…nevermind.

My readers understand, but thanks for your concern.  They do, in fact, take every word written with that info in hand.  This is not Geneva, dumbass. We’re not neutral about anything.  It takes one glance at one paragraph to figure that out.

I stopped reading A2Y awhile back.

Uh huh.  Sure you did.

Today I was told by a friend to go read the two latest posts over at A2Y.

Uh huh.  Got it.  One of those.  He never reads us. It’s beneath him.  The only reason he was over here was because he was “told by a friend.” 

For the record, I can’t recall every writing a word about Minnesota hockey.  We’ve never seen them in the playoffs, play them four times per year? Just a non issue.  I’ve never read a Wild blog because I don’t care about their team.  Is that the problem?  Maybe.

But I don’t think so.  Nope.  “Buddha” is going to prattle on about our lack of objectivity (a new development here) and the wacky way we write (alliteration bitches) our headlines…also something shockingly new.  And he’s going to spend paragraph upon paragraph talking about…grammar, on a hockey blog. 

But you want to know the real issue with this guy?  He wants to take his little itty bitty cybershot camera into the Wild lockerroom, get a snippy snap of Derek Boogard’s back tattoo and the team won’t let him.  “Buddha”? He’s sad.  He’s angry.  He’s a blogger, by god, and he deserves the same access as a beat writer.  But fatass can’t get in and he’s looking for someone to blame.

Thank you IwoCPO, and From Abel to Yzerman for ensuring that NHL teams always have plenty of ammunition to use when denying credentials to bloggers who actually have some professionalism. We appreciate it.

Awww. You’re welcome big boy.  And now that you’ve mentioned it, let me be up front about this.

I don’t give a flying foxtrot if you or any other hockey blogger anywhere has access to jack squat.  Just like I don’t care if the Wild have any games on Versus (do they?) or if team ownership in Minnesota, despite one of the best fan bases in all of pro sports, refuses to spend money on the product. I literally don’t care.  Access wouldn’t make my stuff more appealing to the 19 people who read it. And, therefore, I don’t care about it.  I don’t want it. And frankly, I frigging laugh at the ass-hurt nimrods, whining little bitches, pathetic piss-ant, wannabee journalists who get off on thumbing through a sticky-paged thesaurus, doing their pseudo-pretend sports reporter game recaps on their commodore 64’s while the fantastic beat of Gloria Estefan pounds in the background really frigging loud but don’t worry about waking up the girlfriend or the wife because with that hat? Yeah, not an issue.

I’ve had access to one pro hockey game my entire life.  Last year, was it?  Paul got me into the press box at the Verizon Center.  It was fun, and I’m glad I did it. Wasn’t the Wings. Caps and Panthers.  I wrote absolutely nothing of consequence, nothing I couldn’t have written from my couch with a warm PBR in front of me. Best part was laughing with the Caps bloggers about how I had nothing to write about. I guess I could have gone down to the locker room…but I would have felt like an idiot.  Not my job. Not my thing.  Don’t need it and don’t want it.

Oh hey.  Went to the Western Conference Finals last year. Game 2. Saw William Tell score the OT game winner.  From way up in the nose bleeds. With some Hawk fans behind me. Awesome guys.  My wife was there. My daughter was there. It was awesome.

Guess what, “Buddha”? If I’d wanted access, Paul would have gotten it for me.  Game 1 of the SCF in ‘08? Could have had access to that one too.  Oh. Fun.  Maybe I could have bumped into Ansar Khan, after ripping his ass for two straight years.  “Nice lead yesterday, Ansar. Well put.”  “Why thank you, Bill.  Your blog is riveting.”  PASS.  Instead, I got wasted in the nose bleeds again with Osrt.  Because I’m a fan, not a reporter, and I don’t…want…access.

Could probably have had access to the Caps/Wings game last year in DC too. Instead I went to Fado’s and pounded beers with the 19 while we all watched RWBill hit on my wife.  It was, again, awesome.  That’s what I like about what I do.  You claim to know what “most bloggers are”, that we’re all “fans with semblance of objectivity”?  Hah. STFU.  The best bloggers I read are all completely frigging biased.  That’s where the passion comes from, idiot. That’s where, as Springsteen told us, the fun is.

So, rail all you want. Whine about grammar and bias and homerism…all under the auspices of trying to stick up for the high, high standards of the hockey blogging community.  Go ahead. 

But you know what? Your act is as easy to see as mine is.  I’m a passionate fan who likes to write about my team, for my friends, in a way that I enjoy.  You?  You’re a bitter little boy who wants to play in a sandbox you’ll never be qualified to dig in.  Hell, maybe you even have access and you’re just playing high and mighty and sticking up for those who don’t.  God, that would be even better.  Ned Beatty on a crusade.  Whatever.

Deal with it, or don’t.  But I’d highly recommend you consider who you’re going to slam next time because you’re out of your league.

And any other hockey blogger who wants to claim I’m hurting your chances at the ever-elusive “access”?  You can suck it too because I, again, literally don’t care.





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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com