Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 03/31/08 at 09:39 AM ET
We have a few days to kill before the next battle with another Sister from within the Division That Little Gary Built. In that span of time, I think it would be in all of our best interests if you pondered the pain—win or lose—that awaits us.
I was going to hold off posting our annual Doomsberry Playoff Primer until the first week of April or so. But, just now, I looked out the window, saw this image, and decided the time was, indeed, right.
A morning like this can only mean the postseason is near.
Official A2Y Pessimism Correspondent: Doomsberry
As the playoffs near it is always wise to prepare. Red Wing fans must realize that this is not the time of year to be enjoying the games. Without proper preparation each loss can be devastating, a gut wrenching experience which will take months to recover from. Please take a few minutes to ask yourself the following questions. The answers to these questions will determine your level of optimism and will indicate how prepared you are for the worst.
1.Do you look forward to the playoffs with anticipation that the Red Wings will do well?
2.Have you read that the Wings have been mentioned as a possible favorite to win
the Cup and do you believe in these predictions.
3.Do you study the seedings to determine who the Wings might face in the next round?
4.When the Wings are eliminated from the playoffs does it hit you with a crushing blow, staying with you for days, putting you in a foul mood, causing you to rant about Holland, the officiating, Gary Betman, and your sieve goalie?
5.Do you check out various forums and blogs looking for positive thoughts about the Wings after they lose a game during the playoffs?
6.Do you feel confident that the Wings due a Cup because it has been 5 years since they last won and that there is no way their bad luck can continue for 42 years?
7.Do you believe that some of the players on the Wings roster are “playoff performers” or “money players” and you have confidence that they will break loose during the playoffs?
8.Do you replay old Cup victories that you have recorded to get yourself pumped up and feeling confident about the team’s chances?
9.When you look at the playoff history of your team do you immediately go to 97, 98 and 2002 while refusing to look at the other years?
10.Do you intend to ride out this playoff season unprepared, refusing to stock your playoff bunker, brazenly refusing to board up the windows and getting the sandbags set, ignoring those storm clouds on the horizon?
If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions you may be suffering from optimism. This can be a particularly dangerous condition during the playoffs. This affliction is correctable with a little effort. Below is a 5 step program which I feel may assist you:
1.Take a glass and put water into it until it has reached the halfway mark. Staring at the glass repeat 25 times “the glass is half empty”. This should become your mantra for the playoffs. If you still feel good about the Wings repeat this step.
2.Nervously study the roster of your opponent. Notice how many All-Stars they have, how much bigger they are than the Wings, how their goalie is a brick wall, and how many of their players are considered gritty, playoff type players.
3.Keep a close watch on the horizon. Any clouds appearing are a signal that doom is imminent. When you see a player leaving the ice slowly assume it is a season ending situation. When a shot hits the post assume that is the last good chance the Wings will have that night or that series. When the Wings have been in the offensive zone for the last 5 minutes and have been peppering the goalie to no avail, assume the next time the other team gets into the Wings zone their one shot from the point will be deflected by 2 sticks and a skate and will go into the net.
4.Invest in a Nostradamus book and read it carefully. This should put things into the proper prospective. Having a “the end is near” bumper sticker will solidify your outlook.
5. Always keep in mind that no hope today means less disappointment tomorrow. This is the pessimist creed. Live it, breathe it, and let it be your guide.
Following these simple 5 steps, along with having your playoff bunker properly stocked, will give you the helpless feelings that you need to get through the playoff season.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com