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Abel to Yzerman

You Can SAY You Wanna Be Our HuckleBerry, But You Really, Really Don’t

Hooooo boy.  Guess who wants the Wings? Guess who wants the Wings in the first round.  Say it with me. Nobody.  That’s who. Nobody wants ‘em now, nobody’s gonna want ‘em in late April, May or those delicious early days of June. 

“Who’s the best team in the West?’‘

That’s Uncle Mike. I know that because Khan(!) told me so.  And he’s asking that question because he already knows the answer and he’s known it for a good while now. 


Oh, he followed it up with this…

“I think Chicago’s probably been the best team in the West, San Jose maybe,’’ Babcock said. “Who knows who the best team in the West is? That’s what I’m trying to say.”

Not quite bitch.  What he’s trying to say, is something he won’t say until the time is right to just say it and that time hasn’t arrived yet but it’s on the way, oh yes it motherfauxing is.

If you’re Chicago, you can SAY you don’t care who you get in the first round.  But you do.  Just like you care who it is in the second or the third.  Because there’s a big grinning drunk-ass monkey on dumb-ass Q’s back and he’s climbing higher into his head while he bangs a big pot from one side of his skull to the other. That monkey’s wearing a tin-foil hat and he’s got a big-ass Winged Wheel gold tooth.  Q’s not gonna beat the Wings this year, not next. Not ever.  And he knows it.  Baby Jebus won’t allow it and that’s law.

Oh and just like in other places, if Q can’t beat the Wings then Q’s gonna hit the bricks…again. 

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, as usual.  Let’s just…“stay in the moment”.  If the playoffs started today…

Vancouver. And that’s just dandy by me.  I have no problem with those bitches and I’d literally take Jimmah over Luongo right now and forever.  Oh, I know Bobby found himself some gold.  Got it.  All I know is this though…it sure as hell wasn’t in his glove hand.  Bobble me this, bitch…Wings in 5.

Ok.  Know who scares me, out of all the teams we could potentially face in the first round?  St. Louis.  Young, rough and aggressive with a core fan base chock full of smarts…what?  Oh sorry.  My bad.  Blues on the outside looking in again.  I’ve been away.  I didn’t know. I apologize. Don’t be bitter Blues fans. Don’t hate us because we wear red.

That was a joke. The Blues don’t scare me and never will.  Nice job in Sweden though.  A two-game season must have been nice for you. Suck it. The team that makes me nervous is Phoenix.  But not too nervous. Not now.  Bryzgalov makes me kind of sad and his name is being tossed around for the Hart thing. But every time I try to picture a scenario where the Wings lose to Phoenix my head gets fuzzy and I start to hum “Chevy Van” to myself again.  It’s just not something I can see.

Bubba.  You little bitch. 

It’s interesting. Back when Steve Sullivan was recovering from his back problems, there was talk here about what an inspiring little tyke he is. I never bought into that because I think he’s a punk ass.  I also heard from a drunk Canadian(en) in Jamaica three years ago that the people in Sullivan’s own hometown aren’t real fond of him either.  Take that for what it is.  The guy was wasted.  The Canadien(an) in Jamaica, not Sullivan.

So, Nashville’s an option.  I have no problem with that.  We like Trotz, respect the hell out of him. But it’s against the law for him to beat Detroit in the playoffs too and he knows it.  With a full, healthy team…it’s just not a threat.  Bubba’s fine. Bring him.

Those are the only three options that I can see. I suppose if we slip back to 7th or 8th then the “best teams in the West” await us in puddles of their own urine.  It’s literally laughable how you know Chicago and San Jose are absolutely terrifieda at the thought of facing the Wings in the first round.  Jobs are on the line. Lots of them.  I don’t care who they’re playing, if the Hawks lose in the first round? Q’s history. Again.  Can’t say the same for McClellan but I’m betting if they don’t reach the conference finals?  Heads are rolling in San Jose too. 

And it’s not their fault.  The fans in Chicago and San Jose, the media, even some of ther folks in their own organizations really believe those teams are better than the Wings.  Expectation management is just not working. A sixth seeded Wing team seems ripe for the picking to many with blurry vision.  A sixth, seventh, eigth seeded Wing team that has their lowest point total in more than a decade is a team on the decline if you choose to read some blogs, some message boards or some MSM. 

But the smart guys are whispering.  The smart guys are wringing their hands and sleeping very little because the smart guys, like Scott Bowman, know that this Wing team is healthy and…stand by…better than they’ve been in two years.

Oh. Shit.  Yep. I said it.  Same roster, basically.  But with better goaltending. Yes. Better goaltending.  And for an all new feature…this team is rested.  Injuries and the Olympic break have provided fringe benefits we didn’t expect.  And now we have something we haven’t seen in a long time…a pre-playoff Wing team that is almost completely healthy and playing at a very high level due to the absolute necessity to win in March and April.

It makes no difference who the Wings play in the first round.  None.  Leave the furrowed-brow analysis of matchups to weak-ass teams in Denver and LA, the princess glamour picks in January who will be lucky to squeek their way in come April.  Those teams are first round ousters waiting to happen and Dive fans can go back to living on December glory and remembering when their girl Andie was a Vezina candidate.  So, so, so long ago.

Healthy. Rested. Restless and rejuvenated.  Phoenix, Vancouver, Bubba, Baby Brother or everyone’s favorite regular season champion Sharks…bring ‘em.

PK is on lock-down mode. PP is humming.  Secondary scoring and, arguably, the best goalie in hockey.  Oh yes. I said that too. 

Best in the West, as usual. Uncle Mike may not be saying it, but he’s thinking it.  Just like all the other smart kids are.

I’ll be poolside in Lima today bitches. You guys had H2H and I’m insanely jealous.  I’ll toast you all with cheap South American, probably lukewarm, beer this afternoon.


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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com

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