Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Newsflash: The Playoffs Suck

Draper done for two games, eh?  Nathan pointed out below that Uncle Mike didn’t even try the “day to day” BS.  Upper body, eh?  Declared out for a game that won’t be played until Saturday?

How long does it take for a broken rib to heal?

I’m not sure. Let me ask a coworker to slam a baseball bat into a few of mine and I’ll let you know.  Better yet.  Hopefully, for the sake of the image, that’ll happen at roughly the same time I’m tossing up any one of the five or six meals I throw into my pie hole every day.  Normal playoff stress?  Oh, sure.

But now we have an injury to Draper to deal with. And a potential injury to our boy Buckets. 


An undisclosed injury will keep Kris Draper sidelined for Games 1 and 2 of the Columbus series, at least. Draper was hurt during last Monday’s game in Buffalo. He tested his injury at the start of today’s practice, centering the fourth line, but near the end of the one-hour workout, Draper left the ice.

“This time of year, it’s not easy to handle, but it’s basically where we’re at right no,” said a glum Draper. “I just have to deal with this for Game 1 and Game 2 and we’ll go from there.”

With Draper gone, Darren Helm becomes the fourth-line center with Kirk Maltby and Tomas Kopecky on his wings.

The one problem with that scenario is that Dan Cleary left today’s practice injured, apparently hurt by a Niklas Kronwall hit into the boards during an early drill. After Cleary left, Mikael Samuelsson moved up to the second line centered by Henrik Zetterberg and Kopecky moved up to the third line centered by Valtteri Filppula.

Without Cleary and Draper, the Red Wings have 11 healthy forwards.

“Cleary I don’t have any idea on,” said Babcock after practice.

Let me remind you of something, just in case you’d forgotten.  The playoffs, absolutely and without exception, suck.

Having fun?  Like how the Wings are playing? Is that the crowd I hear roaring?  Oh, why yes it is.  Well…take this bitch:  34.7. Because the playoffs suck like that.

And no, I haven’t forgotten about Game 5.  I never will, and I have theories about it.  That game scarred me like none other.  Dammit.  That Cup should have been presented that night. In front of THAT crowd.  Not after overtime either.  It should have happened 35 seconds later.  Not in front of a silent crowd of crushed Pen fans. That should have happened in Detroit, in a city that could have relished that memory for the next twelve months.  I’ll tell you right now, part of me won’t forgive the heartbreak that crowd had to withstand that night.  No matter what happened in Game 6.

That’s what the playoffs do to me.  They make me think sick thoughts like that.  And like these…

Four consecutive games where Bubba scores like ten seconds after we do. And four years before that, or something, Tomas Vokoun talking trash and us just having to sit there and wallow in it until the Wings shut his trap. BS call on Datsyuk. Broken feet to Yzerman AND Shanahan.  A fluttering puck from motherfu**ing hell off of Lidstrom’s stick.  A suicidal goaltender.  Lilja’s blunder.  Deadmarsh.  Holy Christ Deadmarsh you little fu**.  Giguerre.  All instruments of torture used by providence to prove to us that every time we think the playoffs represent joy, all they really do is suck so very badly.

Kipper and Roloson. Kicks to the groin and Punches in the Face.  San Jose in ‘94, Stevens in ‘95.  Lemieux in ‘96 and an Yzerman shot off the crossbar in ‘99.  A puck to his eye a few years later.  A trip off the Edmonton ice with clenched fists a few years after that. You looking forward to the playoffs?  Not me.

Nothing about this is fun.  Nothing about the birthday party I have to attend Saturday that STARTS AT 5PM is going to be fun.  And if you’re the *#$%@& who thinks it’ll be funny to tell me the score?  Just…don’t.

So what’s it mean to lose Kris Draper?  Well, not much unless you consider he’s our best faceoff guy in our own zone.  Not much unless you consider he may be tasked with covering Nash, who’s had a little success against the Wings. 

Not much until you consider that if there’s a defensive conscience on this team, on a team that so very badly needs one right now, it’s Draper. 

So, whatever. 

I’m losing it.  Losing. It.  God, I hate the playoffs.

Voox is your bartender for the remainder of this trip. He’s standing tall behind the Hasek bar, ready to serve you.  Me? I’m saddled.  Let the ghosts of playoffs past come at me. I’ll fend them off 12 ounces at a time. 

All aboard bitches.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com