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Abel to Yzerman

“Garcia had long hair and makeup and was wearing an Avalanche jersey…”

My only concern is that it’s early in the morning and I may not be prepared to give this story the treatment it deserves.  I’m going to try, but I have to tell you that I’m a little nervous right now.  Tooling around the Wing blogs and I just be-bopped over to Behind the Jersey.  What do I find?  A frigging goldmine.  Gather the kids.  Warm the milk.  Find that John Denver cd you keep handy for special occasions and pop it in.  Because we have, that’s right, fun for the whole family.

It seems that I was born to write these two sentences:  a cross-dressing male prostitute was arrested yesterday in Denver.  According to various reports uncovered by Deadspin, Police described Darren Garcia as being 27, having long hair, significant amounts of makeup and wearing…

...a Colorado Avalanche jersey.

Thank you god.

In the interests of bringing you every bit of information on this breaking story we’re culling all sources and leaving no stone unturned.  First…the facts. 

Marilyn Robinson, in a story “special to the Rocky Mountain News”, reported the disturbing details late yesterday.

According to a police probable-cause statement, officers were running a sting Thursday night because of community complaints when an undercover officer stopped at East Colfax Avenue and Josephine Street. Garcia climbed into the officer’s car and offered to perform a sex act for $30, police said.

Garcia had long hair and makeup and was wearing an Avalanche jersey, according to authorities.

Disturbing.  In Wambaugh-like fashion, Robinson gives us a point-by-point description of the sting, the chase, the take down and the startling background on young Mr. Garcia.  Vivid descriptions jump off the page.  AIDS, previous arrests, hastily applied cosmetics.  Shocking details.

Garcia had long hair and makeup and was wearing an Avalanche jersey…

According to the A2Y investigative team, tidbits of info are trickling in to our Denver office.  We have, we believe, enough to take you to the next level of this story.  It goes back more than a decade and the fact that our late breakers were able to string it all together in just a few hours is almost beyond comprehension.  The story of their investigation is almost as compelling as the tale itself.  And it started with one key phrase…

Garcia had long hair and makeup and was wearing an Avalanche jersey…

Thankfully, the Denver PD was quick to release Garcia’s lineup photo…because the moment this image hit the wire, A2Y staffers were scrambling into the archives. 

image

Through highly technical, advanced satellite imagery techniques, we were confronted with two very real possibilities.  (1)  Mike Ricci had returned to Denver, or (b) someone else had come full circle and the piper required payment.

Who is that someone, you ask?

This someone.

image

I told you.  Disturbing.

We can now report with a high degree of certainty, in a story exclusively uncovered by the A2Y investigative team, that the infamous “Av Skank of ‘96” has resurfaced and is now described in this fashion.

Garcia had long hair and makeup and was wearing an Avalanche jersey…

That’s right, after an exhaustive 11-year search, she/he’s been located.  The “fan” parked behind the Detroit bench in 1996, object of Wing fan disdain the world over, the woman who we now realize is actually a man, has finally been taken into custody.  Inside sources at the Denver PD tell us her personal effects did not include the original sign she carried that Spring night in ‘96 or the crayons used to craft it.

Darren Garcia.  Denver resident.  27 and in jail today.

Garcia had long hair and makeup and was wearing an Avalanche jersey…

Disturbing.

 


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  Tags: transvestite+avalanche+fans

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com