Abel to Yzerman
The Detroit Red Wings have been in the Western Conference for like, I don't know, 30 years. Something like that. The specifics escape me and most of you know the weight I give facts, anyway.
Well, there are a few--facts, that is--that I like to fall back on. They help me sleep. They make me feel warm, almost like the Speed Racer footy pajamas I wore my freshman (and only) year at Northern Michigan.
One of those facts is this: the West has belonged to the Wings. It is ours. We own it. I can say "we" because "we" have filled the western arenas. Every game. Every time Detroit's in town. You've raised prices. You've whined. You've written letters. And we still...kept...coming.
The "Pierre McGuire is a Douche Canoe" Ticket Contest is back.
This contest is open anytime the NHL plays a regular season or playoff game and Pierre McGuire is on TV in the building. Get a sign behind Pierre's head on a TV broadcast saying "Pierre McGuire is a Douche Canoe" and win two tickets to a Maple Leafs home game of your choice next regular season and two tickets to the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto, Canada.
To ensure you get credit for this incredible public service, email firstname.lastname@example.org in advance so I can award the tickets to you once successful. All emails will be strictly confidential, good luck.
Pierre McGuire, our beloved Douche Canoe, is an Emmy winner. I feel this contest now has to honour McGuire throughout the regular season in addition to the playoffs. Just like the Emmy selection panel.
W 2-1 (OT), W 5-2, L 2-3 (OT), W 3-0, W 5-1 - - - apparently, by laying waste to Minny (see below).
In the first round, a few prognisticators gave the Wings a chance. Not so in round 2, everybody and their dog have the 'Hawks winning this series (oh, just stop looking in the mirror); statistically you can readily see why. Little brother are a freaking machine. But, as some of you remember (all too horribly well), the machine doesn't always win.
The Wings are playing with house money this series - - and maybe that'll give them a chance. If so, Jimmah will have to be amazing, and some of the skaters will have to play - - at least to expectations, if not outta their minds.
The 'Hawks are rusty and under pressure - - the Wings steal game 1.
And he deserves your apology. You ragged him and you ripped our Uncle Mike. It was unseemly of you and you all should be ashamed. In fact, read what you wrote and consider yourselves admonished.
Is this some fairy tale I'm living through? Am I in Denver?
So...forget putting Tatar--arguably the most creative offensive player on the Wings the last month or so--on a line with Datsyuk. That's just crazy talk. You NEED Abdelkader on that line, Mike.
That's sarcastic and it was inappropriate. One of you needs to step forward and take responsibility for your childish, short-sighted blasphemy.
Oh, that was me. Nevermind.
It's been a long, long day. Torturous. I tried to give you advice this morning. But you didn't take it. Not a single one of you listened. Instead you opted to obsess. You chose to fret and worry, and you probably ruined a whole bunch of Mother's Days. 19 pretty maids all in a row, waiting for you to pamper them. And all you could do was stress about...you know.
Before I go any further and lose this thought, I need to say something. I know I can be sarcastic sometimes and it may come off as arrogant or even insensitive. That's not always coincidental. I do it on purpose every once in a while. But this one's from the heart. I should have said it a couple days ago and it slipped my mind. It shouldn't have.
There is a group of people out there hurting right now, and they deserve our compassion.
Sometime during this series, I'm almost positive I read or heard Uncle Mike say something to the effect of; the longer this series goes, the better he likes the Wings chances to prevail - - he got his wish then. Game 7, for all the marbles. The Wings are either going to Chicago, or going golfing.
The big boys carried the water in Game 6, and that is all well and good; but there can be no passengers tonight. Even more importantly, we have to hear some names for something other than atrocious gaffes (yes, Wally that'd be you).
Fair Warning, Rumbear and Capt D will represent the 19 tonight at the Honda Center. It's all over but the shouting, the Wings have come to take what's theirs.
The other day I made mention of the fact that Ryan Getzlaf hasn't won a faceoff since 2009. That's just a fact, and I can cite the references if you need me to get all redolent on you. I also said he'd been ineffective. That, right there, was dumb and stays dumb today. He's been highly dangerous, a wicked man with a stupid long face and horrible hair.
And I have no idea where the love of god has gone. No, that's not pessimism talking. That's not me saying that adorable cherub, that drooling, babbling bundle of baby fat and joy, our precious 8lb baby Jesus has forsaken us and punished us for our many, many sins. Baby Jesus has not decreed the end of our (shortened) season.
I'm talking about Stress. I'm talking about disgusting, horrific Stress. It's going to overtime tonite. Because it must.
The teams have alternated wins throughout the series, and DET are hoping that trend continues tonight.
Sparty will be back in the lineup tonight, no word yet on who gets the short-stick - - though I'm sure opinions will vary on just who that should be.
The "D" pairs, not named Kronwall and E-52, have got to be better. Said Uncle Mike: “Our best (defense) pair, (Jonathan) Ericsson and (Niklas) Kronwall, have done a great job for us. I think they’re the best pair by far in the series."
This could be the last time, bitches.
About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com