Kukla's Korner

Kukla's Korner Hockey

Flames Fans Fantastic! Oiler’s Fans? Not So Much…

image

I was really hoping to wait and save this mind dump for a more opportune time. That time being after the 1st game of the year and the steaming pile of Oil is doing their best to secure the 2012 1st overall selection. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to differentiate a Calgary Flames fan from an Edmonton Oiler fan. Please let me give the causal observer a run down on the differences.

Calgary fans are renowned for their hockey knowledge. They realize that it’s polishing a turd when one continues to brag about being the worst team in hockey and getting a better 18 year old to help your team’s fortunes in 4 or 5 years, if ever. These congenial fans also realize that there is no reason to make fun of their weak sisters to the North. (Thought it should be noted that pseudo-journalists are exempt from any such guidelines while explaining to the eyes and ears of society.) Have you ever put a picture of Brad Pitt next to Danny DeVito? Well that’s about what you see when a Flame fan has the misfortune of standing near a bank machine when the Oiler fan thinks he’s playing the VLT’s. My apologies to Mr. DeVito for the character assassination.

Flames fans don’t need to get window stickers, 4 window flags, barbecue covers, and tattoos with names like Pisani, Moreau, Penner, and Plante and other stars of the future. Flames fans are filling the Dome every night expecting to see a First Class event with great atmosphere and numerous stunningly gorgeous women in the stands, deliciously aired for your enjoyment across the

Bimbotron

Jumbotron. In the piss-stench-adorned Rexall Place you are treated to a 75% chance of a drubbing and a 95% chance that the person next to you is missing 6-8 teeth. The best part of the Oilers’ games are that they do indeed end, and you can head back to your van, down by the river. (Chris Farley). Let’s just hope that Murderville can slow down on its nation-leading murder rates soon. As for the Oilers’ Dance Troop that the citizens were so against having dance and tush shake, well guess what…they have become a welcome distraction to the on ice product.The Oil brass is even thinking of dressing Hemsky and Horcoff in tutus and maybe keep them healthy in 2011-2012. They deserve a chance to shine.

I would love to explain how female Oiler fans present themselves but I fear I may insult the cattle industry, something we Calgary fans hold dear to our hearts. Another silly idiosyncrasy of Oiler fans is that they blow their proverbial load with every 2 points. I even had the pleasure of hearing a smelly Oil fan tell me how the Baby Oiler prospects crushed the Baby ‘Nuck.s in Penticton recently. Really…..I’m at a loss for words that don’t rhyme with Plumb Flastards.

I’m very proud to say that all the Flames fans I know and see at the beautiful ScotiaBank Saddledome are well mannered, Flame-jersey wearing, beer drinking, extremely intelligent, and aesthetically pleasing individuals. In 2004 when the USA government threatened to stop taking our energy stockpiles unless their team was allowed the Stanley Cup (see TBay Lightning, Martin Gelinas disallowed goal) the fans didn’t destroy their city like those ding dongs in B.C, they went for a leisurely stroll and had their big breasted gal pals share their gifts with the many onlookers. I think if the Oil were even .500, the city would be pale faced with shock. Ugly pale faced I might add..

The Calgary Flames will always have an exciting product and will never have to be the embarrassment of the nation. The sad sack Oil can’t even get players to show up or stick around. See Matthew Lombardi (stud at one point), Michael Nylander, Chris Pronger, Dany (I’m an All-Star) Heatley, and every other decent Free Agent.  BUT I can agree with these vertical family-treed fans, they indeed have a bevy of talented former junior players. The only problem is that they do their time and VOILA their 3 years are up and off they go! Just like their typical fan’s sense of fashion and hygiene; the plan was solid, but in reality they just plain stink.

Feeling the Love,
Scooter Saprykin

P.S. That’s Hockey, another group of hockey experts, picks the woeful Oilers to finish as strong as ever…30th place coming up!
P.S.S. More of these fact filled essays are available at Kukla’s Korner on the web or, @kuklaskorner or @scootermario in the Twittersphere.

Filed in: Scooter Kelly, | KK Hockey | Permalink
  Tags: calgary+flames, edmonton+oilers, scooter+kelly, ugly+humans

Comments

 1 2 >       Next »

Avatar

Not sure why but surprised that this kind of article is on KK…feels more Hockey Buzz/Live Journaly

Posted by Devin from wpg on 09/15/11 at 10:21 AM ET

Avatar

Mr Kelly is an undercover Oilers fan and this is a fine example of inverse trolling.

Posted by Rexall Plaice from Norway on 09/15/11 at 10:33 AM ET

Avatar

Wow….they do make clown shoes that big.

Posted by Adrian on 09/15/11 at 10:55 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Haven’t really seen any content on the flames and there a team I wouldn’t mind reading about.. iggys one of my favorite players that’s not a wing and I haven’t seen anything about there team on here yet.. just flaming other fans.. can’t BS around here scooter. We know hockey. If we want to read rah rah cheerleader articles about fans we’ll go to about every other blog out there. Give us content

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/15/11 at 11:08 AM ET

Avatar

this is by far the worst article ever written for kk, congrats.

Posted by ghamplas on 09/15/11 at 11:17 AM ET

Avatar

Just lump yourself in with all the other homers who don’t have enough teeth to bite their tongue.  I agree with the above post meshing you with the Hockeybuzz clown show.  Sorry Kukla, your credibility suffers along with the guys you allow to post this juvenile garbage…

Posted by Garett on 09/15/11 at 11:19 AM ET

Avatar

I wish you would actually write fact-filled articles. It’s a bit of a downer that the Flames blogger here on KK doesn’t really provide coverage of the team in a substantial manner. While the much more professional George Malik, Patrick Hoffman and newcomer William Morrison write with more substance Flames fans are treated to the antics of Mr. Scootr Kelly which are, at times, rather less entertaining than Harvey the Hound. I realize you have your style, Mr. Kelly, but to even call yourself a psuedo-journalist is rather far fetched.

Posted by Iggy Rules on 09/15/11 at 11:24 AM ET

Avatar

I guess I will start to copy/paste the boxscores for the Rookie tourney. Maybe I’ll include every players height and weight.
The season hasn’t started folks, thanks for the feedback.

Posted by Scooter Kelly from Medicine Hat on 09/15/11 at 11:30 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Vaudeville (1880-1930)
Slapstick (1910-1990)
Satire (the beginning of time - 2011)

R.I.P.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 11:31 AM ET

Avatar

You should get that inferiority complex checked out…


Failed Troll is a failure…lol.

Posted by Booya42 on 09/15/11 at 11:33 AM ET

Avatar

Was this article written by a 17 year old? Literally not one sentence of substance.  This entire pile of word slop, just comes off as sad. First and last thing I’ve ever read on this Kukla Korner…

Posted by Dont Damn Me from Edmonton on 09/15/11 at 12:18 PM ET

Avatar

The once thought unsinkable S.S. Kukla is quickly sinking out of sight… Quoting Eklund and now allowing this garbage???  This is where I used to come for non slutty hockey talk.  Now this site is up there with that whorish hockeybuzz tabloid site…

Posted by Garett on 09/15/11 at 12:33 PM ET

Avatar

@don’t damn me, trust us—this is not normal kuklaskorner.

Posted by charles v mcclain III from Ohio on 09/15/11 at 12:33 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Now this site is up there with that whorish hockeybuzz tabloid site…

Posted by Garett on 09/15/11 at 11:33 AM ET

Hyperbole Hound says “ruff ruff, nobody in the history of anything has ever said something so false ruff ruff!”

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 12:41 PM ET

Paul's avatar

A few things…

KK bloggers come up with their own material and are not edited.  But they are also open to criticism as long as there are no personal shots.

Also, within the next 48 hours. KK members will be able to block any KK blog from their home page.

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 09/15/11 at 12:41 PM ET

Avatar

The title of the blog is PERFECT!! The blog was FLAMING in more than one way

Posted by DR from NJ on 09/15/11 at 12:48 PM ET

Avatar

What’s next?  Is EvilPens getting a blog?

Posted by Garth on 09/15/11 at 12:58 PM ET

Avatar

Nice list of names there. I have some for you as well.

Jarret Stoll (if Lombardi is a one-time stud then Stoll is as well), Martin St. Louis, J.S. Giguere, Marc Savard.

All these guys had GREAT careers in Calgary right? Or was it once they left Calgary?

You have as much talent as a blogger as Oleg Saprykin had as a NHLer. Is that why you two share the same last name? See I can make things up too!

Posted by Ommmzzz from City of Next Year on 09/15/11 at 01:12 PM ET

Avatar

Not sure why but surprised that this kind of article is on KK…feels more Hockey Buzz/Live Journaly
Posted by Devin from wpg on 09/15/11 at 09:21 AM ET

just flaming other fans.. can’t BS around here scooter. We know hockey. If we want to read rah rah cheerleader articles about fans we’ll go to about every other blog out there. Give us content
Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/15/11 at 10:08 AM ET

this is by far the worst article ever written for kk, congrats.
Posted by ghamplas on 09/15/11 at 10:17 AM ET

Just lump yourself in with all the other homers who don’t have enough teeth to bite their tongue.  I agree with the above post meshing you with the Hockeybuzz clown show.  Sorry Kukla, your credibility suffers along with the guys you allow to post this juvenile garbage…
Posted by Garett on 09/15/11 at 10:19 AM ET

Was this article written by a 17 year old? Literally not one sentence of substance.  This entire pile of word slop, just comes off as sad. First and last thing I’ve ever read on this Kukla Korner…
Posted by Dont Damn Me from Edmonton on 09/15/11 at 11:18 AM ET

HELLO!!!! Abel to Yzerman anyone? Go back & read your master commander leader’s blogs, Ded Wing fans (no ‘a’ because Detroit is so classless, they don’t deserve to have an assistant captain).

I enjoyed reading this one, seeing as I hate the Oilers and like the Flames.

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 01:25 PM ET

Avatar

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 12:25 PM ET

Thank God you quoted every single previous post.  That was helpful for us all.

Posted by Garth on 09/15/11 at 01:28 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 12:25 PM ET

How many of the people you quoted above consider themselves among the 19 of A2Y?

You’re tilting at windmills here, man.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 01:32 PM ET

Avatar

I don’t have a horse in this race but this is the biggest steaming pile of crap article that I have read in a long time. No class.

Posted by Mike from Boston on 09/15/11 at 01:42 PM ET

Avatar

Posted by Garth on 09/15/11 at 12:28 PM ET

Not every single one just ones that are complaining about the same thing people that complain about Abel to Yzerman complain about.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 12:32 PM ET

From my count two or three for sure. Two of those (J.J. from Kansas & Garth) are extremely prominent in the Red Wing community & make their opinions known across Kuklas Korner.

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 01:46 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

From my count two or three for sure. Two of those (J.J. from Kansas & Garth) are extremely prominent in the Red Wing community & make their opinions known across Kuklas Korner.

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 12:46 PM ET

Funny that you decided not to quote me when you were admonishing everybody else.

Perhaps it’s because what I said didn’t fit the way you wanted it to fit?

Why didn’t you quote Garth either?

Two of the three A2Y regulars you’re trying to admonish didn’t make comments that you felt needed to be quoted when you started going off about Red Wings fans.

Let’s cut the bullshit too; there are similarities between this and what the Chief does in the same way that there are similarities between the Mona Lisa and Bob Ross’ happy little trees. That doesn’t make them the same.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 01:58 PM ET

Avatar

this article is an abortion x infinity

Posted by AK on 09/15/11 at 02:15 PM ET

SnLO's avatar

Maybe I just don’t get it… The post seems fine to me… It’s not like it’s meant to win any awards. It’s only a blog post, not an amendment to the Constitution.

I think some people need to lighten up a bit.

I’m just sayin…

Posted by SnLO from beyond the M-1 on 09/15/11 at 02:26 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

What JJ said about Master Chief… maybe id have liked it if it was funny but it really seemed forced and more like a serious 100 line paragraph about why flames fans are better than oilers fans.. it sucked. 

And scooter.. you mean to tell me there are no injury reports.. ideas on line combos.. scuttlebutt about how long sitter will remain coach.. cap space and deficiencies with the team? If its that hard to come up with content without a regular season game being played maybe ya shouldn’t blog?  How are your prospects doing? Any up and coming?

Sucks because like I said before id like to know more about the flames current organization..

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/15/11 at 02:39 PM ET

Avatar

I am an Oiler’s fan, and I thought this was freakin’ hilarious. Now THAT’S how you trash talk.

Posted by 88MPH from Edmonton on 09/15/11 at 02:41 PM ET

Avatar

Ironic that a guy named “Scooter” would rag on Edmonton fans for being hicks.

Posted by Victor on 09/15/11 at 02:43 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Btw I liked your first post here scoots..

And KK still reigns supreme as far as hockey blogs and there are tons of great bloggers on here.. I think scooter just hit a stinker but will bounce back next game.. intelligent people people are able to entertain ideas without believing them (paraphrasing but not my quote..) Paul brings you all things hockey whether or not it you like whose writing it..

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/15/11 at 02:52 PM ET

Avatar

Satire (the beginning of time - 2011)
R.I.P.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 10:31 AM ET

There, much like could be and has been said about Abel to Yzerman. To each his own.


”... when you started going off about Red Wings fans.”

Not the fans, just that particular blog’s content. If you’re talking about the “Ded Wings” comment, that’s just an example of stupidity mirroring other’s stupidity from the past.


Let’s cut the bullshit too; there are similarities between this and what the Chief does in the same way that there are similarities between the Mona Lisa and Bob Ross’ happy little trees.

This is my point, whether you think Abel to Yzerman is written better or funnier or has more hockey content or whatever, the general sentiment is the same - superiority & name calling. In my original post I was just calling attention (to whomever, but hopefully Wings fans) to the similarities between the blogs & the backlash.

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 03:27 PM ET

Avatar


Ironic that a guy named “Scooter” would rag on Edmonton fans for being hicks.

Personally I would say the bigger irony is a Flames fan, located in Calgary with their cowboy-wannabe image (a lame move unto itself, but that’s a whole other topic) calls Edmonton fans hicks. 

As for the article itself?  A steaming pile of rotting monkey feces and nothing else. 

I have spoken.  That is all.

Posted by the non-gay flaming Alberta team on 09/15/11 at 03:34 PM ET

Avatar

Wow. Considering the lengths gone to in describing the superior class of Calgary fans, this article goes and disproves all of it. All Flames fans well mannered and intelligent? Hmm…

Posted by Alex from Canada on 09/15/11 at 03:42 PM ET

Avatar

Oh yes cause Brad Richards was so eager and willing to come to Calgary when Feaster made his offer!

Posted by Jesus on 09/15/11 at 04:12 PM ET

Avatar

Oh yes cause Brad Richards was so eager and willing to come to Calgary when Feaster made his offer!

An interesting point.  Last year there was such an overwhelming swell of players clamoring to sign with Calgary that they had to bring back the laughingstock that was Ollie Jokinen.

Posted by Garth on 09/15/11 at 04:23 PM ET

Avatar

I guess I will start to copy/paste the boxscores for the Rookie tourney. Maybe I’ll include every players height and weight.
Posted by Scooter Kelly from Medicine Hat on 09/15/11 at 10:30 AM ET

No need to get snarky here. We don’t want you to straight up regurgitate stats sans analysis. HTO put it fairly clearly:

And scooter.. you mean to tell me there are no injury reports.. ideas on line combos.. scuttlebutt about how long sitter will remain coach.. cap space and deficiencies with the team? If its that hard to come up with content without a regular season game being played maybe ya shouldn’t blog?  How are your prospects doing? Any up and coming?
Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/15/11 at 01:39 PM ET

That’s what would be valuable. What’s the word on the street? Can you proivde some analysis of the teams current position? How do you feel about possible line combinations or the PK? Will Reggie’s departure leave a gaping hole in the D or can Hannan, Butler & co. fill the void?

Give us some content that makes it worth sifting through humor that may or may not be targeted at us (the inside jokes can be a bit over the top even for the most hardcore-for-lie Flames fan such as myself, and I’ve been with this team since ‘82. I gotta say the “Taco-Time Fart” bit went over my head though).

Posted by Iggy Rules on 09/15/11 at 04:45 PM ET

Avatar

Hello commenters- as a veteran of 5 blogs, I didn’t realize that the community would be so thin skinned. It was meant as a joke. Cgy-Edm fans always have bickered. Cgy is Old, drafts poorly, cap issues, got Olli back, have horses on their jerseys (for a spell). I get it. I didnt realize that there would be so many readers taking a proverbial dump on me and expected more returned barbs and not attcks on my writing skills, telling Paul that i’m ruining his org and basically a horrible person. It was just meant as a rival inducing article, not a Shakespearian composition. I never said Edm fans were hicks. I live in a city with the Worlds Largest Teepee and no natives. Go figure. I was in 4-H. I dont see why you all can’t find the non-serious potential chuckles, perhaps if the shoe was on the other foot? If you all like stats and line matchups (that change by the 3rd shift of the game) in a droning tone then I apologize because engaged fans won’t read it with much earnesty. Training camp has JUST started, lets not forget. Thanks for your comments. I will step back up from the 4 floor skyscraper’s edge. I believe I may have the most comments of any of the rookie bloggers to date. Thats worth something no?

Posted by Scooter Kelly from Medicine Hat on 09/15/11 at 04:54 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Being apologetic.  There’s something else he doesn’t have in common with the Chief.

wink

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/15/11 at 04:59 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 12:25 PM ET

For cryin’ out loud, Nathan, you make less sense with every post. It seems you are walking around in a daze, so out of it that in April you can hide your own Easter Eggs.

Much like…you know.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 09/15/11 at 05:01 PM ET

Avatar

Posted by Scooter Kelly from Medicine Hat on 09/15/11 at 03:54 PM ET

I felt like your post worked in the same way that Feaster’s recent comments (and some others before) worked - (there’s almost no way a pun can’t be used here, so) throwing oil on the flames of the Albertan rivalry.

Different blogs about the same thing will find different things to talk about in different ways.

Posted by NathanBC on 09/15/11 at 05:03 PM ET

 1 2 >       Next »

Add a Comment

Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.

Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.

Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.

Smileys

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Feed

Most Recent Blog Posts

About Kukla's Korner Hockey

Paul Kukla founded Kukla’s Korner in 2005 and the site has since become the must-read site on the ‘net for all the latest happenings around the NHL.

From breaking news to in-depth stories around the league, KK Hockey is updated with fresh stories all day long and will bring you the latest news as quickly as possible.

Email Paul anytime at pk@kuklaskorner.com